I'm about to become a statistic ... And why you should enjoy every day!

martinaee

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So...

I hope this is even appropriate for this forum, but I love CPF and the users so I just wanted to talk about it somewhere that isn't with people I know. I'm 28, super healthy, and today I found out there's probably a 95 percent chance I have some sort of lymphoma. I've kind of "known" for a while now even with several doctor appointments, but after a CT scan and now seeing specialists today about it it's becoming very real. Too real. So real that I keep sort of having these day dream moments where I pop back to reality and think: wait, is this actually happening? I broke down a few times sure, but today I'm already making my mind up to get through this even if it sucks...

I think the hardest part has been seeing other people's reactions around me who love me. I know it sounds weird, but you don't really realize people care about you sometimes until you see their reactions to something like this concerning you. Thankfully my girlfriend recently turned wife told several people in my family for me though I still haven't actually talked to my brother. And my mom won't know for another week because my dad and I didn't want to ruin a trip she's been planning on taking forever. I know it's going to devastate her even if I get through this (which I will.) She's just that kind of person and I love her for it.

I don't know how to put this in words, but "these things don't happen to me" and yet statistically it's very likely that it will happen to tons of us. Like the doctor told me today, sometimes this just happens... Yeah, I guess sometimes the biology that makes us possible just spazzes out. Of course I've been playing the mental blame game trying to think of what could have caused this, but it seems futile. Stuff like this just happens sometimes it seems.

I know overall I'm being a baby about this as I am SO lucky to have this happen to me in 2015 rather than say 1815 (or heck even 1915) when surely this would have meant I'd die no matter what. I know cancer isn't cured, but I'm so happy to know some of the modern tech and medicine is around that will be able to help me and other people who have things like this happen to them. Quick PSA: If you have anything abnormal on you (lumps) don't wait, I noticed something maybe a month ago or more in the lymph nodes on my neck, but I didn't get help right away until I was actually starting to worry a lot more. The doctor at first didn't even think it was anything, but obviously after an x-ray he knew something might be up and ordered a CT scan.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

This seems so trite these days and it's strange to actually have the urge to communicate something like this but live every day like you mean it. I know petty bs gets in the way and a lot of life problems can really weigh people down, but just try to enjoy moments that seem like the filler in between the things you really want to do. And then enjoy those things you ACTUALLY want to do even more. Like I said, I'm gonna get through this, but I just feel like being one of those inspirational messages on the internet today to not miss out on appreciating life. Do what makes you happy and be nice to those around you!

-Martin ;)
 
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more_vampires

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You are not alone, sir. I just found out this past 4th of July that a good old friend is succumbing to colon cancer. He's refused treatment.

Best I can say is God's blessings on all of us, and may we have a good journey... even if for one single remaining day.

Carpe Diem, friends. We never know when it's our number.
 

thedoc007

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Thanks for sharing, Martin.

Last year I went from pretty much perfect health to unable to work in one moment. Sustained an injury at work, and it took me months to get back...still not quite fully recovered, but fortunately I am able to do all the same things I did before...just have to be more aware and careful to protect myself. So although my situation was very different, I do know what some of the process might be like. The worst part for me was realizing what the injury meant...once you start treatment, you can focus on getting better. And of course, being young and otherwise healthy gives you an edge - staying fit is never a wasted effort.

Stay strong, man, you might come out the other side a wiser and better person. This will show you who your true friends are.

I wish you the very best!
 

bdogps

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Hey mate, all the best to you. Hopefully it is a one off thing and never have to deal with it ever again.

I had a huge lump, but I did not know I had cancer until someone doing an ultrasound on my stomach found it by accident on my kidney. I lost the kidney, but I am fine now. For me things got real when I was admitted to the hospital. The doctors were really supportive and empathetic.

It is okay to break down mate. It is freaking scary to not know what is going to happen to you. The unknown is scary sometimes, specially when it comes to your health.

I know I am lucky, my urologist lets me know every time I see him. He tells me other patients are not as lucky as me.

Once again, I wish you all the best and if you do not mind keep us updated. If there is a way we can help, let us know.

You do not have read beyond here, this only a suggestion and I do not want to derive attention from your situation.


This up to you, that is why I left it at last. There has been studies that show that sugars feed cancers. Read this book called good calories, bad calories by Gary Taubes.
 

martinaee

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Thanks doc, vampires, and bdogps. I know a lot of people have, are going through, and will go through this too so I feel weird talking about it because I don't want to seem too "poor me". I hope I'm okay, but I have a feeling I will be.

Like what you said doc, what scares me most is not knowing 100 percent if this can be "cured" in that even if I do end up having a type of lymphoma (seems like what it most likely is even without the biopsy operation yet from the doctor which I'm doing on Thursday-- There is a approx. 2 inch lymph node next to my heart which is probably cancerous but obviously since it's probably lymphoma it's in a lot of lymph nodes-- hopefully it can't "spread" out of the lymph nodes to other types of cells). It's terrifying to know there is a type of illness that can possibly come back even after you kill it with chemotherapy/radiation. Could it shorten my lifespan? It's kind of scary to think about. And I keep reading about what chemo can do to other parts of your body long term and it's just making me more terrified.

Thanks for pointing out the sugar thing too bdgops. I heard fast growing cells or things like your brain do use glucose more so yeah possibly different sugars can help cancer cells. I don't know if that matters long term if I were to get chemotherapy, but I'll keep it in mind. My wife has already basically told me she's controlling everything I eat which is so sweet as she's a good cook and makes healthy food/ uses lots of organic food/veggies as she herself has had digestive problems that cause her pain for basically her whole life. She's okay overall, but it makes me sad as doctors/she haven't been able to nail down what's going on. She doesn't know if it's a general food intolerance or something more specific like a specific digestive allergy. What I'm going through right now almost seems unfair to her in a way (which sounds weird for cancer) as I'm quickly going to be diagnosed and treated and we may not be able to figure out what's going on with her for a long time if ever.

Thanks guys. You're all great! Hope you all get better too with injuries, illnesses, and lost friends.
 

BarryG

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May 28, 2010
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Hello Martin, we have both been members here for years and I think this is the first communication that we have had, sorry that it comes under these circumstances.

My father was diagnosed with cancer in his bladder and given 6 months to live. At first he was going to refuse any treatment because of the possible side effects. He ended up taking chemotherapy. Between it, the doctors and prayer, he is now in remission. It has been 4 years since he was first diagnosed and he is still with us.

I can't try to imagine what you are going through but keeping a positive attitude can go a long way. I am sure that there are other cancer survivors on here that can give some better insight as to things that may help such as changes to diet.


I wish you the best in your battle,
Barry
 

thomas_sti_red

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Jul 30, 2014
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Thank you, Martin, for finding the courage to tell this here.
Wishing you all the best.
Thomas.
 

Me+Light=Addiction

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Hi Martin,

I'm very sorry to hear about your illness. I will take your message to heart and i'm sure i'll think about your story many times when i'll be going to a rough time.
All I can say is never give up and don't stop fighting, it makes a diffrence!
If you want to and are able to keep us posted on your progress.

All the best to you,

David
 

more_vampires

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All I can say is never give up and don't stop fighting, it makes a diffrence!

I hope this quote is taken in the right light. It's about turning the tables on a bad situation, never giving up, and continuing the fight:

Get cancer? Tell cancer it has 6 months to live!

Hope your treatment goes 100%, Martin. Keep posting here about flashlights or else we will miss you.
 

martinaee

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Thanks so much everyone. It means a lot to me. I know a lot of you can relate to just how surreal an experience this is. I feel fine now mostly, but I guess things will change soon and I know I need to immediately just accept this is the way things are now and get the treatments to get better. yay :shrug:

I hope what I'm able to do doesn't change too much in the coming weeks/months. I'm gonna have to Walter White this and build an empire on this pile of dirt. Yeah, I'll keep posting on LED Flashlights and other forums-- I want to read about all the new cool lights coming out.

LOL... I'm guessing this emoji will soon be very relevant to me :hairpull:

-Thanks again for the support! :p
 

more_vampires

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MMJ is the silver bullet versus the nausea side effect of chemo. I've lost several relatives because they did not live in an MMJ state and couldn't complete the chemo series.

MMJ could have saved them. This is one of the many reasons that I am pro-MMJ. It can save lives in addition to tons of other medical conditions aside from cancer treatment.

When it's my turn for cancer therapy, I'm moving to Washington State or Colorado until it's done.
 

Crazyeddiethefirst

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Hey Martin,
Cancer, Lymphoma, Leukemia, these are scary words. As an RN, I can't tell you how many people I cared for who either suspected or knew something was wrong with them and yet waited weeks, months or years to seek help. Mostly it was fear, that delayed people seeking treatment that ironically could have saved their lives. How do we make it easier to talk about cancer and other diseases? We talk about it. It took courage for you to share what is going on in your life, and I applaud you for doing it. The last statistics I read, 7 out of 10 people with some form of cancer, underwent treatment(Chemo, Radiation or surgery), were "cured" of the disease, alive and well 5 years after their last treatment. 7 out of 10! You are young, healthy and married-these give you a tremendous advantage, and I look forward to a post from you in 2025 that says "10 years ago, I shared that I had been diagnosed with Lymphoma"...
We are in a forum that seeks to eradicate the darkness by using the latest technology to shine the light. Let us also reduce the fear of disease by talking about it! Get a yearly physical with lab work and a chest X-ray. If you have shortness of breath, chest pain, slurred speech, inability to speak, one sided weakness, call 911. The heart, brain or life you save may be your own...
 

Me+Light=Addiction

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Hey Martin,
Cancer, Lymphoma, Leukemia, these are scary words. As an RN, I can't tell you how many people I cared for who either suspected or knew something was wrong with them and yet waited weeks, months or years to seek help. Mostly it was fear, that delayed people seeking treatment that ironically could have saved their lives. How do we make it easier to talk about cancer and other diseases? We talk about it. It took courage for you to share what is going on in your life, and I applaud you for doing it. The last statistics I read, 7 out of 10 people with some form of cancer, underwent treatment(Chemo, Radiation or surgery), were "cured" of the disease, alive and well 5 years after their last treatment. 7 out of 10! You are young, healthy and married-these give you a tremendous advantage, and I look forward to a post from you in 2025 that says "10 years ago, I shared that I had been diagnosed with Lymphoma"...
We are in a forum that seeks to eradicate the darkness by using the latest technology to shine the light. Let us also reduce the fear of disease by talking about it! Get a yearly physical with lab work and a chest X-ray. If you have shortness of breath, chest pain, slurred speech, inability to speak, one sided weakness, call 911. The heart, brain or life you save may be your own...

Crazyeddie, you don't seem crazy at all. That was a great bit of text.
 

TEEJ

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Luckily, most Lymphomas seem to be quite treatable, albeit that doesn't mean its an enjoyable process. My nephew is going through this as we speak, as about a year ago a softball sized one in his chest, entwined with his heart and lungs, started to constrict them to the point where he finally collapsed...as he avoided seeking treatment as it worsened before that.

He too was in excellent health, and, it came out of the blue. His prognosis is good, but the treatments are debilitating after a while...in that initially, he was fairly unaffected, but after a few months, they took their toll.

He is a survivor though, as I'm sure you are, so, be strong, get through it, and, be able to enjoy what comes afterwards.
 

martinaee

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Ohio
Thanks for all the nice replies everyone. Seeing these responses are awesome.

TEEJ, I seem to have something similar to your nephew. It seems I probably have at least one larger ~2 inch enlarged lymph node next to my heart. It probably is in other areas though. Hopefully treatment... chemo... helps. Well I'm off tomorrow to get a lovely biopsy surgery done. I'm honestly not looking forward to it, but oh well. I just have to do it. They'll start by removing one node from my neck and if they can't determine right then from that they'll cut through my ribs to get a bigger tissue sample which would mean I have to stay overnight. Not a biggie overall I guess. It'll be at the Cleveland Clinic main campus so I know I'll be in good hands. I'm laughing because I graduated from an art school in Cleveland in 2010 and in a photo class I was taking we were at this same campus one day doing "flashes of hope" which is photos for kids and their families going through cancer. It's just weird walking through the exact spot a few years later being the one with cancer.

I know I'll get through this. I want to make this an experience I can later share with others who are going through similar situations. I honestly don't want to make this "about me" which is why I'm so happy you guys are so supportive. Hopefully this is just one of many posts/threads/etc. people going through similar situations see online and can get some comfort from.

Crazyeddie thanks for your response as somebody working in a medical profession. I hope I haven't "waited" in a way that could impact what I have I did notice something a month ago or so, but I guess it hasn't been weeks and months more to let it get out of control. I love your thoughts about flashlights as metaphors. Honestly that's exactly what I've tried to express in some posts before. CPF is an awesome place because us flashlight lovers see this tech often as a symbol for how amazing human achievement can be. When humans first discovered the ability to be able to start and use fire for warmth/light/cooking it may as well have been magic. I see modern flashlights in the same way. People think I'm weird but how symbolic and amazing is it that we can take a cigar sized thing with us at night and instantly spread lots of light into a dark universe.

Vampires, I have been reading a lot about how MMJ can be very helpful for something like this.

I think I'll take my beloved TK11 R5 with me tomorrow as a good luck charm :) If I get through this maybe I'll have to get a TK09 as a symbol of metamorphosis.

Love you guys/gals. Also if anyone is going through something similar and wants to talk pm me and we can either talk more here or through private messages/email.

- Martin
 

more_vampires

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A friend of mine wrote an e-book about his cancer experience. Apparently, it did well for the niche.

Maybe take notes as you go through this?
 
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