Had to parent a 24 year-old.

I don't know if this is funny, or just plain sad. So at my job, I sometimes have to direct potential law enforcement recruits to the offices of a certain agency that I won't mention. I will say that by the time they are granted access into the building to continue the screening process, they've already had to pass a massively difficult written exam that is supposed to measure their intelligence level.

I say "supposed to" because from what I've seen, less than half of these individuals are barely functional. And after over three years of dealing with such individuals, I finally had enough. This morning, I get a guy who is old enough to know better, or at least should...

I get it. When cellphones first came out, folks had no clue what the proper etiquette was in using cellphones while also engaged in conversation with a person standing right in front of them. That was right around the early 1990s though. It's 2017.

Recruit walks in. Asks me where he needs to go for orientation. Then sticks out his smartphone right towards me. This happens a lot! I wasn't in the mood today. So I ask him how old he is. He seems a bit confused and says "24." Okay.... and yet he still hasn't learned on his own (and apparently his father didn't bother to teach him either) that as an adult, when you need to relay information on your phone to another adult, you read what's on your phone and then wait to get an answer from the person in front of you.

What you don't do is turn your phone around so the screen faces the person trying to help you and then hold it out in front of you so they can read what's on it. Not only is that rude, but childish. It's literally what a child does. Mommy left a note on the table. Little Timmy can barely read and write. So when daddy asks what the note says, Timmy turns it around and holds it out for daddy to read. Which is fine. Since Timmy actually is a child. That's why he keeps falling down that darn well, and Lassie has to go get help from adults who apparently understand her perfectly.

I wish some of the recruits I deal with had the intelligence of a dog. Would make my job easier. So this time, for the first time, I pointed out to this 24 year-old "man" why adults don't do such a childish thing, and how adults convey information stored on their phone to others. Yup, you actually have to speak the information. (Hey! What a concept! It's just crazy enough to work.) Even dogs know how to speak.

So after I was done teaching/parenting this adult, he wasn't too happy. I pointed out that he should be grateful since the rather scary individuals upstairs who'd be his supervisors if he passed the rest of his tests, have been known to get very upset when someone does that childish nonsense to one of them. THEY have a tendency to rip up a recruit's application before kicking them out of the building! Considering how many of these recruits I process at the desk during the last two hours of my shift, I'd say NYC is full of men who have fathered children. But not done even a barely decent job of parenting them.

"Who's your daddy?"

Apparently I am because I have to be. Since their real fathers didn't bother.

:rock:got to love a monocrom story, especially when venting :laughing: As always, makes for a great read I would love to do a shift(or two) on night patrol with you

Sign of the times

Hey Monocrom,
My dad died when I was 8 years old, so I truly did not have anyone to guide me. Fortunately, in my first 8 years common courtesy, respect for my elders and proper behavior in public had already been taught. Although your story shows the negative, I just wanted to say that when I did something wrong(usually out of ignorance), and someone took the time to explain "why" to me, I was grateful. One of my best friends & mentors was a grouchy man 20 years my senior, but when he realized I watched what he did to learn, we became friends. My two adult sons today are polite, chivalrous, and have great manners & work ethic(so in retrospect I feel I was successful as a father). Even though they should know better, your approach might just motivate them to better prepare themselves for the real world. My youngest is a true millennial, but with the manners of someone from the WWII era, about as opposite of a snow flake as he can be...

Preach, Monocrom... Way too much of stuff like that.

Edit- I would have been tempted to remind him to stay off my lawn, too. I'm a cranky old man and proud of it... :thumbsup:

Thanks guys.

ven: You'd be bored to death, Brother. The few times they get interesting... Let's just say the fact that I can intimidate people while putting in almost zero effort, helps to prevent confrontations from getting physical.

aginthelaw: It is sad as Hell that these are the times we live in. Seems to me that a lot of men think being a father simply means you bring a life into this world, and hang out with it as its friend. You know, back in day in Russia; a man was considered a good father if he ONLY did 2 out of the following 3: One, being a drunk. Two, being a womanizer. Three, beating the crap out of you on a regular basis. If you pulled off a miracle and got one who was zero out of those three, you had the World's Greatest Dad. And as ridiculous as that standard is, what exists now in America... The former is looking awfully good, by comparison.

Crazyeddiethefirst: Genuinely sorry to hear you lost your father early in life. I only lost mine very recently. He was far from perfect. But I did learn a lot from him, and also a lot from others growing up. Sounds to me like you did an excellent job of parenting. I wish more men followed your example.

What gets to me about that 24 year-old is that apparently not one teacher or older adult ever corrected him. I refuse to believe I'm the fist person he did that to after turning 18. There must have been countless other times with older adults. Yet not one ever said anything to him before?? Perhaps not. That's the truly sad part right there.

scout24: Sad thing is, I'm not even that old. But I actually do have a really nice lawn.

Sorry to hear of this, unfortunately, these people are everywhere.

RedLED said:

Sorry to hear of this, unfortunately, these people are everywhere.

Click to expand...

And always. Remember who told: "Two things are infinite..."?

ven said:

We can talk surefire / flashlights and security stories, check different models out and do some perimeter checks......all would be super cool

Click to expand...

LOL

An excellent point you brought up. I definitely have quite a few true stories, and quite a few SureFire models.

:rock:

Monocrom said:

..... You know, back in day in Russia; a man was considered a good father if he ONLY did 2 out of the following 3: One, being a drunk. Two, being a womanizer. Three, beating the crap out of you on a regular basis. If you pulled off a miracle and got one who was zero out of those three, you had the World's Greatest Dad. ....

Click to expand...

Would a Russian man have been considered a good father if he married his cousin?

~ Chance

Chauncey Gardiner said:

Would a Russian man have been considered a good father if he married his cousin?

~ Chance

Click to expand...

Honestly, no joking and no sarcasm (as long as it wasn't a first cousin); it depends on how he planned to treat her, their children they'd have later on, and if he was addicted to vodka or not.

Perhaps not the reply you were expecting. But you guys know me, and my blatant honesty, for a decade now. So there it is. Hey, if she's a good woman, not a first cousin, and if the relatives have no problems with it; well.... there you go.

Monocrom said:

Honestly, no joking and no sarcasm (as long as it wasn't a first cousin); it depends on how he planned to treat her, their children they'd have later on, and if he was addicted to vodka or not.

Perhaps not the reply you were expecting. But you guys know me, and my blatant honesty, for a decade now. So there it is. Hey, if she's a good woman, not a first cousin, and if the relatives have no problems with it; well.... there you go.

Click to expand...

A great reply, .... nevertheless.

~ Chance

What you described is a basic lack of respect. Kids just have an expectation that they should be respected, without earning it.
i think much of it falls back on the lack of parenting; parents trying not to be too tough on their kids. You know, everyone gets a participation trophy kind of stuff.
most of these kids don't even respect themselves, let alone others. They haven't felt failure, and therefore haven't the drive to do better and work hard for success. It should just be part of a progression if they only follow basic steps. Kids, especially boys, need to compete, it is a part of what makes up our psyche. Part of who we become as an adult. Without the competition, we just wander around doing what the next sign post says to do....

Maybe I'm not getting the story. So, he asks you for help and wants to show you on his phone what he is looking for (he doesn't know you direct people to this same office 10 times a day, does he?) and you proceed to harangue this stranger, call him childish, insult his parents, and give him a "lesson" on being an adult?

Well, one person in this story was acting like a tool but I'm not certain it was the young man.

Probably not the reply you were expecting either, hey?

Also, discussion of marrying ones' cousins will stop here. Thanks.

Wow, seems a cord was struck, no? I disagree, and think it's a basic etiquette and respect issue. Goes back to when people actually spoke to each other. If I had written directions and couldn't find my way, I'd speak the name of the street/building/office while asking for help rather than hold them out to somebody. If they said "let me see what you've got there", well, that's a whole different story. Painting with a broad brush for sure, but manners and courtesy have gone by the wayside. Some are still taught well, but it's becoming more and more rare. The number of people younger than myself who say "thank you" for holding a door, for instance, is almost enough to make me stop doing it. But my Grandfather, gone these many years, would have something to say about it if I stopped...

Good Times!

Coming from the perspective of personally having posts deleted (sometimes summarily), it is always refreshing to see a moderator violate a forum regulation and a disagreement between two regulators.

Just coming back from a 'rustic' vacation with a (chronologically) late-teen step daughter and her 'silver spoon firmly inserted' boyfriend, it is easy to lament the mindset and verbal embarrassments displayed by them. But then I remember how obviously hopeless I was at that age...

Do you percieve me violating something, sir? And just because NBP and I both have blue letters under our names, and mostly present a united front, doesn't mean we can't respectfully disagree with eachother on personal matters. In fact, I think a broad base of ideas and perceptions within the framework of our rules is healthy...

While I don't deny there are plenty of disrespectful young people, that lack of courtesy is hardly restricted to millenials. I'm often shocked by the rude or profane speech and behavior of people twice my age. Manners and courtesy are indeed on the decline, but I think it transcends age boundaries. Phone etiquette is terrible even among "middle aged" people. And while this young man may not have shown ideal courtesy, I hardly think a stranger scolding him in public like a child was a better expression of respect. That was my point.

Edit: +1 on Scout's post. We're buddies.