What do you expect in life?

Minimoog

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I often notice that people get upset about things that I consider just part of life (even if not pleasant parts) - and today one of my friends said 'how come you didn't get angry with him when he said that to you - I know I would have blown my top if he would have said that to me'.

I replied with basically no point in getting upset about what others say or do as it just grinds you down and in 100 years none of it will matter etc. Reacting to unpleasant spoken or written comments, taking to task people being unpleasant to me, being lied to, responding to aggression on the road etc. are just taxing on me with no reward so I just blank them out.
I also don't expect strangers to like or respect me - modern life has left many people more than a bit hostile and intolerant of new people.
So it had me thinking - what do I expect in life and would be upset by if it happened. For me my list is:

Not be attacked physically for no reason.
Not have my possessions vandalized or stolen.


Pretty short list but that's it.

Do you have any expectations that you are firm with?
 

markr6

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Thanks for this post! I'll take it as a reminder to try and do the opposite of what I do now: sweat the small stuff, worry about nothing, etc. Basically all the stuff you listed, so I admit I'm carrying around way too much. Getting zero out of it like you said.

Maybe I'll make it a new year's resolution. And your list, short but sweet.
 

Lou Minescence

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Great topic
I often try to think about situations I am irritated with from the outside as a 3rd person. Usually I find I am upset for little or no good reason.
My expectations in life are for people to at least try and get along. Also obey the law. I'm not saying speeding and pay your taxes, don't steal, assault or purposely harm people.
Do on to others as you would want done to you.
 

Minimoog

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I can tell you from my experience (and it does take a little effort sometimes) that if you can just see the unpleasant / annoying things that other people do to you as their shortcomings and don't be caught up in their trap of raised voices or arguing you will be better off for it. I know its hard sometimes, but what do you get out of taking it up with them apart from you feeling unpleasant and it spoiling your day. Look at Mr Hamilton from 'Fawlty Towers' - he got very upset with Basil and ended up storming out of the hotel. Ultimately, although he was in the right, he is the one who has spoiled his own holiday. Better to have just stayed one night and left the next day.
 

peter yetman

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Yes, do as you would be done by that's what I expect.
I spend my life trying to be kind and polite. It honestly polaxes me when in return I get scorned as wimp.
I'm sure people are becoming much more aggressive on the roads too.
I spend most of my time driving or walking on one track lanes, of course I know all the places to pull in, and use them. Only to have some Asshole in a vehicle worth more than my house speed past with out even looking at me. I want a Splurge Gun like they had in Bugsy Malone attached to back of the truch that fires dog poop at their rear as they drive away.
Sorry, I inadvertantly got onto my pet grouse.
P
 

idleprocess

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The other day my SO dragged me out to the mall and I surprised myself by just people-watching for about an hour. Call it condescending schadenfreude, but it amused me watching all the other shoppers going about life. Most were teenagers or 20-somethings, seemingly caught up in posturing and conspicuous consumerism. I wanted to grab some shake them, and tell them that in five years - ten years tops - none of this would matter and that the credit card debt would leave a far more lasting impression on their lives than whatever almost instantly-valueless bling they bought today and whatever little hit of dopamine and status it produced.
 

StarHalo

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You define the level at which you are happy.

If you've ever really looked at a colorful marble, it's amazing the intricacy and detail within, the miasma of colors and how they flow between one another; now comparing that to a soccer ball, the soccer ball is HUGE, orders of magnitude the size of a marble - but with both of these set on a table, as you back away from the table the size difference isn't so profound, they're just two smaller items in a larger world, by the time you're a few hundred feet away you can't really even make out either.

The soccer ball is your troubles - looming so large over the lovely and familiar marble, but as you back farther away, take in a wider view, it's not really that big a deal, it hardly even counts in the larger world..

the credit card debt would leave a far more lasting impression on their lives than whatever almost instantly-valueless bling they bought today and whatever little hit of dopamine and status it produced.

Millennials don't do credit cards, dopamine and status are defined by immaterial likes votes; just as fleeting but with no actual effect on anything.
 

idleprocess

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Millennials don't do credit cards, dopamine and status are defined by immaterial likes votes; just as fleeting but with no actual effect on anything.

Generalizations can be useful. But the broader they are the faster they collapse under the weight of reality and age demographics are typically the first to fold under first-pass scrutiny. Based on the location, posturing, and snippets of conversation I observed they were either making minimum payments or The First Bank of Mom and Dad offered generous terms.
 

StarHalo

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Generalizations can be useful. But the broader they are the faster they collapse under the weight of reality and age demographics are typically the first to fold under first-pass scrutiny. Based on the location, posturing, and snippets of conversation I observed they were either making minimum payments or The First Bank of Mom and Dad offered generous terms.

True story bro; the Boomers' worry over debt has been drilled into their heads, they don't want a credit card any more than they want a car..
 

bykfixer

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- The only constant in life is change.
- Take the bad with the good.
- See the glass is always full even if half is space.
- Regard the national press with skeptisism.
- Whistle a happy tune often.
- Laugh outloud often.
- Don't trust the government. (Regardless who's in charge.)
- Take time to watch birds.
- Remember it's your choice to call a day good or bad.
- Take time to say thank you, even to your enemy.
- Eat popcorn and watch a movie.
- Enjoy every minute of every day.

In my work, the company I work for makes us fill out an evaluation each year. They want to see what our goals are. How much is climbing the corparate ladder important to you. Trouble is they don't see the value in someone who is on the way back down the ladder and pauses at each level long enough to teach those on the way up.

Lucky for me, I have a gift of writing down a bunch of words that seem coherent yet say absolutely nothing.
 

seniorcare

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I often notice that people get upset about things that I consider just part of life (even if not pleasant parts) - and today one of my friends said 'how come you didn't get angry with him when he said that to you - I know I would have blown my top if he would have said that to me'.

I replied with basically no point in getting upset about what others say or do as it just grinds you down and in 100 years none of it will matter etc. Reacting to unpleasant spoken or written comments, taking to task people being unpleasant to me, being lied to, responding to aggression on the road etc. are just taxing on me with no reward so I just blank them out.
I also don't expect strangers to like or respect me - modern life has left many people more than a bit hostile and intolerant of new people.
So it had me thinking - what do I expect in life and would be upset by if it happened. For me my list is:

Not be attacked physically for no reason.
Not have my possessions vandalized or stolen.


Pretty short list but that's it.

Do you have any expectations that you are firm with?

This is some really deep topic. Personally for me, I guess is to not violate my freedom.
 

slmjim

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The two in OP are a good start.

A third for me is to divest myself of expectations.

An expectation is a necessary precursor to disappointment. Without expectation, no disappointment is possible.

Far too many times, I've had people make promises, creating a reasonable expectation that they will exhibit the personal integrity to honor their word by keeping the promise. That expectation created the environment in which disappointment would occur when the individual failed to honor their word. It seems to be rampant in society today; a promise, one's word of honor, too often has zero value. Shallow people who, lacking integrity or honor, make promises that in hindsight, they had no intention of keeping. Bottom line, they were just lying.

My Grandfather taught me that my word is a cornerstone of my integrity - an honorable bond. He was a small businessman who ran a successful wholesale operation mostly on handshakes from the 1930's through the 1950's. That handshake principle guides me to this day.

I'm thrifty with my promises. But by God when I make a promise, it'll be illness, physical catastrophe or some like thing that will keep me from honoring my word. Raining outside? Got home too late? Too tired? Inconvenient? Bull$h|t. I'll keep my promise.

Sadly, few others seem to have the same value of spirit.

So, my efforts are to divest myself of the notion of expectation. Without the often-resulting disappointments, I'll be happier & more satisfied in the long run when others' lack of integrity becomes obvious.
 

Minimoog

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Thanks for the input. I have been meaning to start this thread for a while and I am glad I did.

Concerning being lied to, that was one thing that used to really upset me. The fact that someone could face me - who had done nothing to them apart from my best - and then lie to me as if it was nothing and I should accept it as truth used to make me feel quite distressed. Sometimes I knew they were lying as they spoke to me. What can you do?

But it was Judge Judy that has really changed my thinking on this. The way some people hold onto their lies even in the full force of the facts and evidence to the contrary (and the judge telling them so) has shown me that just I as an individual have no hope of getting to the truth. So now I expect everything to be a lie - and I am often proved right 'just doing it now', 'it was like that when you bought it in' etc., topped off by the 'are you calling me a liar' if you do dispute. People say that this is cynical, but its really not. Many people are habitual liars - and they believe their own lie one they have issued it.
 

Modernflame

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I replied with basically no point in getting upset about what others say or do as it just grinds you down and in 100 years none of it will matter etc.

Agreed, but one must survive many battles to arrive at this perspective. It takes maturity.

I want a Splurge Gun like they had in Bugsy Malone attached to back of the truch that fires dog poop at their rear as they drive away.

Your Kung-Poo is formidable.
 

bykfixer

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What do I expect?
Nothing. Nothing is guarenteed. Not even your next breath.

I hope to have more good days than bad.
I hope to live a long time.
I hope others will do what is expected.
I hope for a lot of things but expect nothing.
 
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