# I'm about to become a statistic ... And why you should enjoy every day!



## martinaee (Jul 7, 2015)

So...

I hope this is even appropriate for this forum, but I love CPF and the users so I just wanted to talk about it somewhere that isn't with people I know. I'm 28, super healthy, and today I found out there's probably a 95 percent chance I have some sort of lymphoma. I've kind of "known" for a while now even with several doctor appointments, but after a CT scan and now seeing specialists today about it it's becoming very real. Too real. So real that I keep sort of having these day dream moments where I pop back to reality and think: wait, is this actually happening? I broke down a few times sure, but today I'm already making my mind up to get through this even if it sucks...

I think the hardest part has been seeing other people's reactions around me who love me. I know it sounds weird, but you don't really realize people care about you sometimes until you see their reactions to something like this concerning you. Thankfully my girlfriend recently turned wife told several people in my family for me though I still haven't actually talked to my brother. And my mom won't know for another week because my dad and I didn't want to ruin a trip she's been planning on taking forever. I know it's going to devastate her even if I get through this (which I will.) She's just that kind of person and I love her for it.

I don't know how to put this in words, but "these things don't happen to me" and yet statistically it's very likely that it will happen to tons of us. Like the doctor told me today, sometimes this just happens... Yeah, I guess sometimes the biology that makes us possible just spazzes out. Of course I've been playing the mental blame game trying to think of what could have caused this, but it seems futile. Stuff like this just happens sometimes it seems.

I know overall I'm being a baby about this as I am SO lucky to have this happen to me in 2015 rather than say 1815 (or heck even 1915) when surely this would have meant I'd die no matter what. I know cancer isn't cured, but I'm so happy to know some of the modern tech and medicine is around that will be able to help me and other people who have things like this happen to them. Quick PSA: If you have anything abnormal on you (lumps) don't wait, I noticed something maybe a month ago or more in the lymph nodes on my neck, but I didn't get help right away until I was actually starting to worry a lot more. The doctor at first didn't even think it was anything, but obviously after an x-ray he knew something might be up and ordered a CT scan.

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This seems so trite these days and it's strange to actually have the urge to communicate something like this but live every day like you mean it. I know petty bs gets in the way and a lot of life problems can really weigh people down, but just try to enjoy moments that seem like the filler in between the things you really want to do. And then enjoy those things you ACTUALLY want to do even more. Like I said, I'm gonna get through this, but I just feel like being one of those inspirational messages on the internet today to not miss out on appreciating life. Do what makes you happy and be nice to those around you!

-Martin


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## more_vampires (Jul 7, 2015)

You are not alone, sir. I just found out this past 4th of July that a good old friend is succumbing to colon cancer. He's refused treatment.

Best I can say is God's blessings on all of us, and may we have a good journey... even if for one single remaining day.

Carpe Diem, friends. We never know when it's our number.


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## thedoc007 (Jul 7, 2015)

Thanks for sharing, Martin.

Last year I went from pretty much perfect health to unable to work in one moment. Sustained an injury at work, and it took me months to get back...still not quite fully recovered, but fortunately I am able to do all the same things I did before...just have to be more aware and careful to protect myself. So although my situation was very different, I do know what some of the process might be like. The worst part for me was realizing what the injury meant...once you start treatment, you can focus on getting better. And of course, being young and otherwise healthy gives you an edge - staying fit is never a wasted effort.

Stay strong, man, you might come out the other side a wiser and better person. This will show you who your true friends are.

I wish you the very best!


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## bdogps (Jul 7, 2015)

Hey mate, all the best to you. Hopefully it is a one off thing and never have to deal with it ever again. 

I had a huge lump, but I did not know I had cancer until someone doing an ultrasound on my stomach found it by accident on my kidney. I lost the kidney, but I am fine now. For me things got real when I was admitted to the hospital. The doctors were really supportive and empathetic. 

It is okay to break down mate. It is freaking scary to not know what is going to happen to you. The unknown is scary sometimes, specially when it comes to your health. 

I know I am lucky, my urologist lets me know every time I see him. He tells me other patients are not as lucky as me. 

Once again, I wish you all the best and if you do not mind keep us updated. If there is a way we can help, let us know.

You do not have read beyond here, this only a suggestion and I do not want to derive attention from your situation.


This up to you, that is why I left it at last. There has been studies that show that sugars feed cancers. Read this book called good calories, bad calories by Gary Taubes.


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## martinaee (Jul 7, 2015)

Thanks doc, vampires, and bdogps. I know a lot of people have, are going through, and will go through this too so I feel weird talking about it because I don't want to seem too "poor me". I hope I'm okay, but I have a feeling I will be.

Like what you said doc, what scares me most is not knowing 100 percent if this can be "cured" in that even if I do end up having a type of lymphoma (seems like what it most likely is even without the biopsy operation yet from the doctor which I'm doing on Thursday-- There is a approx. 2 inch lymph node next to my heart which is probably cancerous but obviously since it's probably lymphoma it's in a lot of lymph nodes-- hopefully it can't "spread" out of the lymph nodes to other types of cells). It's terrifying to know there is a type of illness that can possibly come back even after you kill it with chemotherapy/radiation. Could it shorten my lifespan? It's kind of scary to think about. And I keep reading about what chemo can do to other parts of your body long term and it's just making me more terrified.

Thanks for pointing out the sugar thing too bdgops. I heard fast growing cells or things like your brain do use glucose more so yeah possibly different sugars can help cancer cells. I don't know if that matters long term if I were to get chemotherapy, but I'll keep it in mind. My wife has already basically told me she's controlling everything I eat which is so sweet as she's a good cook and makes healthy food/ uses lots of organic food/veggies as she herself has had digestive problems that cause her pain for basically her whole life. She's okay overall, but it makes me sad as doctors/she haven't been able to nail down what's going on. She doesn't know if it's a general food intolerance or something more specific like a specific digestive allergy. What I'm going through right now almost seems unfair to her in a way (which sounds weird for cancer) as I'm quickly going to be diagnosed and treated and we may not be able to figure out what's going on with her for a long time if ever.

Thanks guys. You're all great! Hope you all get better too with injuries, illnesses, and lost friends.


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## BarryG (Jul 7, 2015)

Hello Martin, we have both been members here for years and I think this is the first communication that we have had, sorry that it comes under these circumstances. 

My father was diagnosed with cancer in his bladder and given 6 months to live. At first he was going to refuse any treatment because of the possible side effects. He ended up taking chemotherapy. Between it, the doctors and prayer, he is now in remission. It has been 4 years since he was first diagnosed and he is still with us. 

I can't try to imagine what you are going through but keeping a positive attitude can go a long way. I am sure that there are other cancer survivors on here that can give some better insight as to things that may help such as changes to diet. 


I wish you the best in your battle, 
Barry


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## thomas_sti_red (Jul 7, 2015)

Thank you, Martin, for finding the courage to tell this here. 
Wishing you all the best. 
Thomas.


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## Me+Light=Addiction (Jul 7, 2015)

Hi Martin,

I'm very sorry to hear about your illness. I will take your message to heart and i'm sure i'll think about your story many times when i'll be going to a rough time.
All I can say is never give up and don't stop fighting, it makes a diffrence!
If you want to and are able to keep us posted on your progress.

All the best to you,

David


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## etc (Jul 7, 2015)

keep updated.


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## more_vampires (Jul 7, 2015)

Me+Light=Addiction said:


> All I can say is never give up and don't stop fighting, it makes a diffrence!



I hope this quote is taken in the right light. It's about turning the tables on a bad situation, never giving up, and continuing the fight:

Get cancer? Tell cancer it has 6 months to live!

Hope your treatment goes 100%, Martin. Keep posting here about flashlights or else we will miss you.


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## martinaee (Jul 7, 2015)

Thanks so much everyone. It means a lot to me. I know a lot of you can relate to just how surreal an experience this is. I feel fine now mostly, but I guess things will change soon and I know I need to immediately just accept this is the way things are now and get the treatments to get better. yay :shrug:

I hope what I'm able to do doesn't change too much in the coming weeks/months. I'm gonna have to Walter White this and build an empire on this pile of dirt. Yeah, I'll keep posting on LED Flashlights and other forums-- I want to read about all the new cool lights coming out. 

LOL... I'm guessing this emoji will soon be very relevant to me :hairpull:

-Thanks again for the support!


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## RBR (Jul 8, 2015)

.....


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## more_vampires (Jul 8, 2015)

MMJ is the silver bullet versus the nausea side effect of chemo. I've lost several relatives because they did not live in an MMJ state and couldn't complete the chemo series.

MMJ could have saved them. This is one of the many reasons that I am pro-MMJ. It can save lives in addition to tons of other medical conditions aside from cancer treatment.

When it's my turn for cancer therapy, I'm moving to Washington State or Colorado until it's done.


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## Roger Sully (Jul 8, 2015)

Best wishes to you Martin. Prayers and thoughts are with you and yours.


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## Crazyeddiethefirst (Jul 8, 2015)

Hey Martin,
Cancer, Lymphoma, Leukemia, these are scary words. As an RN, I can't tell you how many people I cared for who either suspected or knew something was wrong with them and yet waited weeks, months or years to seek help. Mostly it was fear, that delayed people seeking treatment that ironically could have saved their lives. How do we make it easier to talk about cancer and other diseases? We talk about it. It took courage for you to share what is going on in your life, and I applaud you for doing it. The last statistics I read, 7 out of 10 people with some form of cancer, underwent treatment(Chemo, Radiation or surgery), were "cured" of the disease, alive and well 5 years after their last treatment. 7 out of 10! You are young, healthy and married-these give you a tremendous advantage, and I look forward to a post from you in 2025 that says "10 years ago, I shared that I had been diagnosed with Lymphoma"...
We are in a forum that seeks to eradicate the darkness by using the latest technology to shine the light. Let us also reduce the fear of disease by talking about it! Get a yearly physical with lab work and a chest X-ray. If you have shortness of breath, chest pain, slurred speech, inability to speak, one sided weakness, call 911. The heart, brain or life you save may be your own...


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## more_vampires (Jul 8, 2015)

Crazyeddiethefirst said:


> Hey Martin,
> We are in a forum that seeks to eradicate the darkness by using the latest technology to shine the light.



Poetry, sir. In search of more light, please.


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## Me+Light=Addiction (Jul 8, 2015)

Crazyeddiethefirst said:


> Hey Martin,
> Cancer, Lymphoma, Leukemia, these are scary words. As an RN, I can't tell you how many people I cared for who either suspected or knew something was wrong with them and yet waited weeks, months or years to seek help. Mostly it was fear, that delayed people seeking treatment that ironically could have saved their lives. How do we make it easier to talk about cancer and other diseases? We talk about it. It took courage for you to share what is going on in your life, and I applaud you for doing it. The last statistics I read, 7 out of 10 people with some form of cancer, underwent treatment(Chemo, Radiation or surgery), were "cured" of the disease, alive and well 5 years after their last treatment. 7 out of 10! You are young, healthy and married-these give you a tremendous advantage, and I look forward to a post from you in 2025 that says "10 years ago, I shared that I had been diagnosed with Lymphoma"...
> We are in a forum that seeks to eradicate the darkness by using the latest technology to shine the light. Let us also reduce the fear of disease by talking about it! Get a yearly physical with lab work and a chest X-ray. If you have shortness of breath, chest pain, slurred speech, inability to speak, one sided weakness, call 911. The heart, brain or life you save may be your own...



Crazyeddie, you don't seem crazy at all. That was a great bit of text.


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## TEEJ (Jul 8, 2015)

Luckily, most Lymphomas seem to be quite treatable, albeit that doesn't mean its an enjoyable process. My nephew is going through this as we speak, as about a year ago a softball sized one in his chest, entwined with his heart and lungs, started to constrict them to the point where he finally collapsed...as he avoided seeking treatment as it worsened before that.

He too was in excellent health, and, it came out of the blue. His prognosis is good, but the treatments are debilitating after a while...in that initially, he was fairly unaffected, but after a few months, they took their toll.

He is a survivor though, as I'm sure you are, so, be strong, get through it, and, be able to enjoy what comes afterwards.


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## martinaee (Jul 8, 2015)

Thanks for all the nice replies everyone. Seeing these responses are awesome.

TEEJ, I seem to have something similar to your nephew. It seems I probably have at least one larger ~2 inch enlarged lymph node next to my heart. It probably is in other areas though. Hopefully treatment... chemo... helps. Well I'm off tomorrow to get a lovely biopsy surgery done. I'm honestly not looking forward to it, but oh well. I just have to do it. They'll start by removing one node from my neck and if they can't determine right then from that they'll cut through my ribs to get a bigger tissue sample which would mean I have to stay overnight. Not a biggie overall I guess. It'll be at the Cleveland Clinic main campus so I know I'll be in good hands. I'm laughing because I graduated from an art school in Cleveland in 2010 and in a photo class I was taking we were at this same campus one day doing "flashes of hope" which is photos for kids and their families going through cancer. It's just weird walking through the exact spot a few years later being the one with cancer.

I know I'll get through this. I want to make this an experience I can later share with others who are going through similar situations. I honestly don't want to make this "about me" which is why I'm so happy you guys are so supportive. Hopefully this is just one of many posts/threads/etc. people going through similar situations see online and can get some comfort from.

Crazyeddie thanks for your response as somebody working in a medical profession. I hope I haven't "waited" in a way that could impact what I have I did notice something a month ago or so, but I guess it hasn't been weeks and months more to let it get out of control. I love your thoughts about flashlights as metaphors. Honestly that's exactly what I've tried to express in some posts before. CPF is an awesome place because us flashlight lovers see this tech often as a symbol for how amazing human achievement can be. When humans first discovered the ability to be able to start and use fire for warmth/light/cooking it may as well have been magic. I see modern flashlights in the same way. People think I'm weird but how symbolic and amazing is it that we can take a cigar sized thing with us at night and instantly spread lots of light into a dark universe.

Vampires, I have been reading a lot about how MMJ can be very helpful for something like this.

I think I'll take my beloved TK11 R5 with me tomorrow as a good luck charm  If I get through this maybe I'll have to get a TK09 as a symbol of metamorphosis.

Love you guys/gals. Also if anyone is going through something similar and wants to talk pm me and we can either talk more here or through private messages/email.

- Martin


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## more_vampires (Jul 8, 2015)

A friend of mine wrote an e-book about his cancer experience. Apparently, it did well for the niche.

Maybe take notes as you go through this?


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## ven (Jul 8, 2015)

Thoughts and well wishes from across the pond Martin,hope for a speedy as possible recovery .


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## jabe1 (Jul 8, 2015)

Martin, you'll be in good hands at the Clinic. I know quite a few people there, and those who have had treatment.
Do you make a living with your art? Keep it going and it will see you through a lot. Perhaps I've seen your work, I am local. Mayfield Hts.
prayers and good wishes.
- Jim


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## martinaee (Jul 8, 2015)

Hey jabe1. I think I've been in Mayfield hts. My wife is from Lyndhurst. I've been to the Chagrin Reservation lots of times which is right near there right? I moved to Cleveland to go to college then Mentor and now have been in Chagrin Falls for close to a year.

I did a lot of drawing and other medias in college and also photography on the side. Now I've been working as a photographer. Yeah I'll probably try to do a lot of art and what not during this.


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## more_vampires (Jul 8, 2015)

No black arrow for you, sir! Drinks are on me back in river town. First, we must loot the dragon's hoard! Maybe even hack the Gibson, who knows?


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## Mr Floppy (Jul 9, 2015)

Sorry to hear of your predicament. I don't know if you are planning on having kids or have kids already but be sure to "bank" some in case the chemotherapy affects the chances. I am pretty sure before you go for chemotherapy, they will have all this covered. It happened to a friend of mine who was 28, wasn't in a relationship at the time, but decided to not take up the offer. If he had a bit more time than the week he had before starting treatment to think about it, he would have changed his mind.


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## martinaee (Jul 9, 2015)

Yeah, I don't know if that is sure with what I'll go through, but my GF mentioned it. Geeze that's expensive though just from online searches to bank and save samples for say 2 years. At least a solid grand or so. Oh man... I never though something that is free any other day could cost so much just to save. I luckily just got on the same insurance policy my wife has which is pretty comprehensive mostly through her work thankfully but I don't think that would be covered which is weird. I feel like it should be. Well we'll have to talk about that for sure after this week.

Just saw "Ted 2" with my wife and can't help but think about "that one scene" related to this topic lol.


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## martinaee (Jul 9, 2015)

more_vampires said:


> No black arrow for you, sir! Drinks are on me back in river town. First, we must loot the dragon's hoard! Maybe even hack the Gibson, who knows?



LOL what? Where are you from. What is black arrow?


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## more_vampires (Jul 9, 2015)

I was making elf and archery references all last night. The Hobbit. The black arrow wouldn't be for you, but for Smaug (your cancer.)

Once he's defeated, the party is in River Town and drinks are on me. Be the elf.  He's a level 8 wizard. 

You can even play the Keebler elf, if you like.


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## Mr Floppy (Jul 9, 2015)

martinaee said:


> Geeze that's expensive though just from online searches to bank and save samples for say 2 years. At least a solid grand or so. Oh man... I never though something that is free any other day could cost so much just to save. I luckily just got on the same insurance policy my wife has which is pretty comprehensive mostly through her work thankfully but I don't think that would be covered which is weird.



That sucks really. It shouldn't be something you have to think about if you can afford it. Over here, the cost of storage is covered with a rebate and there are discounts for oncology reasons. Maybe there's something similar?


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## martinaee (Jul 11, 2015)

Well guys I made it through biopsy surgery. It's always a little scary going into actual surgery in a hospital, but overall it went very smoothly. And the hospital there is so state of the art and everyone was super nice and professional. And my family and wife have been so good to me which has made this a lot easier so far.

I had a lymph node biopsied on above my clavicle sort of near my wind pipe. The surgery would have been two part if they couldn't immediately see anything from that tissue and then they would have had to go through my ribs to get a sample from the main mass near my heart. Luckily they didn't have to do that---- but at the same time that immediately means, yeah, I have some sort of cancer :shrug: I had nothing to eat for a full 24 hours and only got to drink water after I was waking up from anesthesia. So that was kind of hard. I was able to go home late that same night though and eat and drink so that was good. It's been a day so I can talk again and already can move my head much better without pain or fearing of ripping the stitches in the muscle under the skin. Maybe I'll post a link to a pic of the scar in case anybody wants to see what a biopsy incision looks like done on the neck. They only took out one very small lymph node so I only have a 2 inch scar or so so that's nice. I should be finding out anytime in the next few days exactly what I have and then I assume I'll have further meetings with one or more oncologists. 

So yup; I can't complain too much. I think actual treatment for this through chemotherapy is going to not be fun, but overall I'm starting to be more accepting of what I have and just want to deal with it!





Oh this is awesome. Maybe some of you heard about this story. Such good timing for me to read.... *rolls eyes* I think I read it either the day before surgery or the day I came back. Apparently a doctor somewhere ordered chemo for over 500 people who didn't need it just to make more money ... I've heard of some messed up stuff, but that's probably one of the most *@#*%* recently. That's beyond depraved. 

http://www.ibtimes.com/medicare-fra...fata-michigan-doctor-who-forced-chemo-1996596


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## more_vampires (Jul 11, 2015)

My current girlfriend is a cancer survivor (15 years so far clean.)

She cannot have children, part of the deal was a removal of... that.

http://www.ibtimes.com/medicare-fra...fata-michigan-doctor-who-forced-chemo-1996596
This is absolutely horrible, I'm highly surprised nobody "did something" to that guy. 175 years is a slap on the wrist for what he's done.

In the middle ages, it was solid advice to stay away from doctors and hospitals. I truly hate each example I see day-to-day that even implies that this would be valid in the 21st century.

The Oath of Hippocrates is not hypocracy. It's life and death. Grrr!

Anyway, Martin, totally glad things are going well. Get that MMJ and tell cancer that it is a little 6 yo girl fighting Mike Tyson (or that Mayweather punk.)


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## bdogps (Jul 11, 2015)

You should read this book called "super freakonomics" it
has a great chapter on this very subject you are talking about.


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## martinaee (Jul 11, 2015)

Yeah. Humans are NOT all the same. I understand the basic human urge to take things when you have no resources/money/help and are desperate, but I can't even begin to understand the mind of somebody who is willing to literally poison hundreds upon hundreds of people just to make more money. And I'm assuming he wasn't "poor" to begin with I mean he was an established practicing doctor. Just so disgusting.

When I read that article I was thinking really? Of course I'd have to read this right now... lol . But everybody at the main Cleveland Clinic campus is super awesome and professional. And multiple specialists saw my CT scan so no shenanigans for my case lol. I kind of don't understand how this doctor got away with having people go through chemo without the patients going to other specialists and what not. Surely much earlier along the line somebody would have wondered about biopsy surgeries, etc. and noticed this guy was full of *@#%?


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## more_vampires (Jul 11, 2015)

...I feel that the information age has contributed to this greatly.

The medical slang term: "Quack."

It is from the old word, quacksalber, an archaic name for elemental mercury. Once upon a time, docs thought it was a great idea to dose people with this. Related term: "mad as a hatter." Yeah.

Drinking liquid mercury is no treatment for the bubonic plague, third stage syphilis, or trying to have a stylish hat.

With today's communication, the "quacks" don't last as long as they used to before public humiliation and possibly jail time.

It's a little like people highly recommending Ultrafire counterfeit batteries on CPF. Won't take long.


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## AA#5 (Jul 11, 2015)

Hey, you're NOT "being a baby" about it. We all have the "why me?" reaction when faced with something like this. We "up our capacity" for crap when this happens & we realize what's really important in life & we stop sweating the small stuff. Seven years ago, I had similar thoughts when I found out I had diabetes. Life went from "simple" to "complicated."


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## thedoc007 (Jul 11, 2015)

martinaee said:


> Oh this is awesome. Maybe some of you heard about this story. Such good timing for me to read.... *rolls eyes* I think I read it either the day before surgery or the day I came back. Apparently a doctor somewhere ordered chemo for over 500 people who didn't need it just to make more money ... I've heard of some messed up stuff, but that's probably one of the most *@#*%* recently. That's beyond depraved.
> 
> http://www.ibtimes.com/medicare-fra...fata-michigan-doctor-who-forced-chemo-1996596



Small world. I have a stop every day in a lab at a hospital...they told me about this fraud months ago. They were really upset...the lab techs had worked with that doctor on occasion, and were VERY angry and saddened that the doctor had made them part of the fraud. Part of the reason he was able to get away with it for so long is that he was substituting blood-work and other tests from patients who really did need chemo...so another doctor looking at the test would agree that the treatment was necessary. The fraud was intentional and malicious...it wasn't a matter of simple neglect or carelessness.

Being informed and seeking a second opinion if you have any doubts goes a very long way to preventing these kinds of abuses. It seems like you are tackling this process head-on, educating yourself, and staying positive. All that will help you immensely!


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## martinaee (Jul 12, 2015)

Yeah. I mean I'm not really worried about something like that happening. People THAT evil can't be that common. But still I guess maybe I could have another oncologist look at results and see if I get matching opinions on what kind of treatment regimens I should get.


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## more_vampires (Jul 12, 2015)

AA#5 said:


> Seven years ago, I had similar thoughts when I found out I had diabetes. Life went from "simple" to "complicated."



The hard core Paleo diet is very much like learning how to be a diabetic. Lost 61 pounds (as of July 2015) and feel absolutely awesome.

Diabetic diet has very much to do with a Paleo concept called "glycemic index." It's supposed to heavily influence your dietary choices.

Dinner tonight? Low carb whole wheat wrap with baby spinach lining with baked julienne sweet potato, chicken, kielbasa, and sauteed onion. Dessert last night was a medium rare ribeye!   My girlfriend absolutely loved it! She converted to Paleo, as well. The main problem is that she just didn't have time to study it properly.

Everything I know makes me less worried about cancer and diabetes with this diet!!


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## martinaee (Jul 20, 2015)

All righty.. well it's Monday 7/20 and things are moving along just dandily... (I type that with a dry and sarcastic, but optimistic smile on my face).

So I have a type of Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Still strange because I don't feel drastically or classically *sick* outwardly yet besides seemingly being more tired/getting more tired more quickly and maybe starting to feel a little pain in my chest when I breath really deeply, but I guess there is at least one big happy little tumor growing in my chest and it's probably in lymphocytes and lymph nodes in other places. I'll find out about that. Apparently its not nearly as common as a lot of other cancers overall, but that doesn't really matter. This seems to be fairly straightforward as far as this type of cancer goes, but I can't help but be scared *%#-less when it comes to the terms "mortality" and "long-term-survival" just like anybody always is concerning cancer. Day by day I guess. 

So today was my first actual appointment in the cancer center at the Cleveland Clinic. I also had a PET scan done. I have the pleasure of having a bone marrow biopsy done on Thursday as well. There is a slight chance in 2-3% of cases that the cancer can sometimes be in bone marrow which I guess they can't see with PET scans. Sounds scary, but I think it won't be that bad. I'm already becoming way more accepting of procedures than I would have been before. I hope that doesn't hurt too much though. Ugh... They said they numb the heck out of the area then use a drill that sounds like a dentist's drill to go into the bone towards the back of my pelvis and extract a sample of bone marrow. AREN'T ALL THE NEEDLES ENOUGH ALREADY... NOW YOU HAVE TO DRILL INTO MY BONE ? ....  lol ... I won't be asleep for that one so it's probably just going to be a mental thing more than anything. LOL every time somebody in my family inadvertently but not in an ill-meaning way says "no... that will probably hurt... sorry baby" or "It's probably going to be a rough year" I just want to scream "SHAD-UP SHAD-UP SHAD-UP... Just let me do it!!!" LOL I think you kind of just have to put yourself into a "let's do this" game-face kind of mind set and not even think about it too much. It's kind of a weird reality and probably more of a coping mechanism than anything else. I still keep having those weird reality moments where I forget this is real. 

I'll actually start my first chemotherapy next Tuesday. It sounds like I'll be doing 12 sessions where a session is once every 2 weeks. So 6 months or so. I think midway through they check with another PET scan how things are going and whether they need to change/modify treatment based on how the cancer is responding.

My wife needs a break... she's had painful digestive issues ever since I've known her (her whole life really) and I feel like she never truly has caught a break. I feel so bad though because in a weird way now I'M the one getting sympathy when in reality she should be. We don't know what she has still (it's so hard to pinpoint) and it's the brutally honest truth that people don't give sympathy to something you can't say 100 percent medically what it is. And also to things that society have "deemed" not that big a deal when in reality they have no idea. I've always worried about her and now she has to deal with this on top of everything. We got married on June 5th and were going to take a long road trip if we could but didn't because we didn't want her to be in pain the whole way because she needs a very careful diet. Now this as well a month later. Sometimes I just feel like I want our lives to "start" but there is always something else. I guess this is life right? We're both artistic types and I guess you could probably classify me as the "plastic bag---there's so much beauty in the world" guy from the movie American Beauty, but I think it's harder for her to see things the same way and I don't blame her. 

I know I should be so grateful for all the positivity, amazing medical treatment, and overall support I'm getting through this, but cancer is still b***-s***, It just isn't fair and it weasels it's way into whatever you are doing whether you are a good or bad person, a child or an adult .... I totally *get* the phrase now I wouldn't wish this upon my enemies. I truly hope cancer is actually "cured" long-term in the future. I really can't complain as I know what I have is a "good" cancer compared to what a lot of people have or had. I'll get through this and hopefully what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger. Once I do ... hopefully it doesn't come back (even if it does... I'll deal with it)... And regardless I want to be able to talk to other people who might want to talk who go through the same thing. 







Holy cow this is a depressing post for you all. Don't feel like you need to read this thread more if you don't want to. Thanks for letting me use this place as a mental dumping ground. I like it here and also I can pretty much guarantee nobody else I know is on CPF so it's kind of a public-nonpublic place to get this out. Not common on the internet of 2015. Please if anybody does want to talk about these kinds of topics in your own lives pm me or something.


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## Chauncey Gardiner (Jul 20, 2015)

I read every last word. Praying for a total recovery. :candle:

~ Chance


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## martinaee (Jul 20, 2015)

Thanks so much. It's somehow cliché sounding to past-me, but it really does mean a lot that other people are reading this.

lovecpf


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## Dragfree (Jul 20, 2015)

Hang in there, *martinaee*, get the best medical advice you can and follow it. Ask questions and do your research to be sure you understand your situation and your options. There's lots of good information on the web from first-rate sources like Sloan-Kettering, Mayo, Hopkins, UCSF, et al.

This can be one of the best gifts in your life, if it helps you to become fully present to the present moment. Look for the blessings and you will find them. For instance, this can be a powerful positive force in your relationship with your wife, if you deal with it together.

As a survivor of stage 3B prostate cancer (five years and counting), I speak from personal experience.


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## KITROBASKIN (Jul 21, 2015)

You have done us a favor, more than a favor, by writing and sharing this. Thank You.


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## Me+Light=Addiction (Jul 21, 2015)

Impressive how you are dealing with this already Martin. Alot of times life is not fair and when it all piles up the way you deal with it depends the outcome.

Good luck with all your coming test/scans!


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## bdogps (Jul 21, 2015)

All the best to you mate. The thing with your wife digestive system, do she eat wheat? Some people are gluten sensitive and do not realise it. I would strongly recommend reading this book called "Brain Maker." I know there is not much science yet, into what roles your gut flora plays in your bodies system. I read there is around 10,000 species of organisms that live in your gut. Imbalances of good bacteria and bad can do havoc to your system. It might be worth a shot reading the book and giving it a try. Once again, all the best to you mate and thank you for sharing.


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## martinaee (Jul 21, 2015)

bdogps said:


> All the best to you mate. The thing with your wife digestive system, do she eat wheat? Some people are gluten sensitive and do not realise it. I would strongly recommend reading this book called "Brain Maker." I know there is not much science yet, into what roles your gut flora plays in your bodies system. I read there is around 10,000 species of organisms that live in your gut. Imbalances of good bacteria and bad can do havoc to your system. It might be worth a shot reading the book and giving it a try. Once again, all the best to you mate and thank you for sharing.



Hey, yeah she's been thinking about gluten intolerance for a long time, but I'm not sure that's it. Now she's thinking possibly gall bladder issues, but who knows.

Like I said it's kind of unfair somehow, because at least with what I have we know exactly what we have to do to work on curing me, but with digestive issues there are SO SO SO many unknown things and problems still. It could definitely be a food type/group intolerance or allergy or it could be an actual problem with an organ function or something. She's been to so many doctors over the years and it never seems to solve anything.

Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll have to look that one up. I know she knows a lot about intestinal bacteria and stuff. She's obviously always reading tons of info about these subjects online trying to work on getting herself better.


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## martinaee (Jul 21, 2015)

Dragfree said:


> Hang in there, *martinaee*, get the best medical advice you can and follow it. Ask questions and do your research to be sure you understand your situation and your options. There's lots of good information on the web from first-rate sources like Sloan-Kettering, Mayo, Hopkins, UCSF, et al.
> 
> This can be one of the best gifts in your life, if it helps you to become fully present to the present moment. Look for the blessings and you will find them. For instance, this can be a powerful positive force in your relationship with your wife, if you deal with it together.
> 
> As a survivor of stage 3B prostate cancer (five years and counting), I speak from personal experience.




That's great to hear you are doing so much better from your own experience with prostate cancer. Being present in reality and "awareness" are definitely in the big words I'm starting to constantly think to myself about. Acceptance is another one. You just have to move past the why me stage and get into the: "okay, this is what is so let's deal with it" stage.

I do feel I'm dealing with it well, but I also have to admit I have SO much support that is making dealing with this almost seem unfair to me. By that I mean I think about so many people in the world who probably are by themselves and have to go through this or even worse illnesses completely alone and that just makes me sad.


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## martinaee (Jul 21, 2015)

I remember briefly hearing about this, but now my wife pointed out that Michael C. Hall, the actor in _Six Feet Under_ and _Dexter_, had Hodgkin's Lymphoma too around 2009-2010. He seems to be doing very well now though I guess.


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## more_vampires (Jul 21, 2015)

We're pulling for you man! Keep us posted!


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## martinaee (Jul 24, 2015)

Hey guys. I had a bone marrow biopsy today. This is a video (*NOT ME*) that is pretty similar to what I had today. I think the man doing my procedure used an electric drill through instead of a manual tool you turn to drill with. Overall this is basically the same thing though. Just slightly different tools.



Also here is where they go into the bone. Into the top of the Iliac crest. (see picture) imagine sliding a really thick needle into the side of a pancake. So from that angle.







Not so bad overall. It was pretty quick. The numbing part hurt a bit but not too badly. And only a few seconds of really sharp pain when they took out one of the first more liquid-y samples from the bone. In the video you can see the last sample is a small sample of more solid spongey bone marrow. Overall it's not too bad. Outpatient and quick with only a few really uncomfortable moments. Definitely better overall than my neck lymph node biopsy where I was put under.

-Martin


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## bdogps (Jul 24, 2015)

Looks painful![emoji15] I hope everything works out mate.


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## martinaee (Jul 24, 2015)

bdogps said:


> Looks painful![emoji15] I hope everything works out mate.



The worst part was the first of three samples they removed which was the more liquid of the 3 samples. There was a nurse on the opposite side kind of holding my arms a bit and I gripped her hard on that one. It felt like somebody grabbed a nerve in there with their fingers and squeezed hard, but it only lasted for a few seconds.

For anybody who ever has to get it done I'll say it's very doable. Especially by people who know what the are doing. Definitely not fun, but nothing to mentally destroy yourself over leading up to it. I think I had an Ativan before the procedure which is supposed to relieve anxiety a bit, but beyond that nothing. I have to watch the bandaging for 24 hours, but I seem to be doing fine. There was a miniscule chance of internal bleeding with this procedure, but I'm totally fine.

Overall not such a biggy. You've gotta do it in this situation so just don't mentally psyche yourself out going into it and just get it done!

-Martin


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## bdogps (Jul 24, 2015)

From my experience, pain can always get worse from your previous experience. For example, I had a ingrown toe nail removed. I heard people screaming in pain and thought they were soft. Then it was my turn, the foot doc stuck the needle the first time, it was okay. Then he just kept poking for couple more times and I was ready to yell in pain myself. I thought that was the worst experience in pain I ever had. Then post kidney removal, the area where they removed my kidney gives me trouble for some reason. If I stretch or turn the wrong the pain can bring me to my knees. 

Hopefully you do not have to through that again. [emoji15]

I did not watch the video, I get squeamish.. It is not the blood, it just the pain.


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## Mr Floppy (Jul 24, 2015)

martinaee said:


> She's been to so many doctors over the years and it never seems to solve anything.



I wish I could recommend a good naturopath. Doctors really don't know much when it comes to gut stuff. A friend of mine had terrible gut issues. After seeing many specialists, he eventually saw a naturopath who said something about gut flora, and referred him to another specialist where he went through an experimental poo transplant. Not saying that is what is wrong but sometimes the alternative therapists may have a better idea


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## frosty (Jul 24, 2015)

Good luck to you.


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## Str8stroke (Jul 24, 2015)

I can't even imagine what or how this feels. So, I don't know what to say. Other than, hang in there and be strong. 

I was a big Dexter fan, and I remember seeing Mr. Hall with no hair and hearing he had some rare disease/cancer. He does seem to be doing well. From what I just read, it looks as though he was diagnosed in early 2010 and its 5 years later. So that is positive.


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## martinaee (Jul 24, 2015)

*bdogps -* Yeah hopefully not. There is a super small chance I'll have cancer in the marrow now, but hopefully not (crosses finger) If I do... I don't know if that means I'd have another one of these down the line...? I don't know. Oh well lol.



*Mr. Floppy -* Yeah she has looked into/I think goes to a naturopath. She knows about that experimental fecal transplant. She hasn't had that and I don't know if it would work for whatever she has but maybe she can try that down the line. Thanks. And yeah 
you're right---one of the most frustrating things is that we go to doctors expecting them to accurately be able to diagnose everything, but the reality is they don't know so much. She gets frustrated because in the past doctors have acted like they know immediately or that it's "all in her head". I can guarantee you it's not after seeing her crying night after night sometimes :/ How did that procedure turn out with your friend? I appreciate how much support and sympathy I'm getting for this, but like I said before I feel it's unfair to my wife who has been going though something for so long and often feels like people don't really understand she's going through severe pain/an actual condition because it isn't something common or diagnosed or easily understandable as serious like "cancer" is.



*frosty -* Thanks bud!



*Str8stroke -* Yeah, Michael C. Hall seems to be doing fine now. This is weird because 2010 is when I graduated from college. I know I'm supposed to feel "grown up" inside, but mentally time has sped up so much for me and if I'm being honest with myself I still feel more like a college age kid than "adult"  Hall seemed to have basically exactly what I have so it is reassuring that he seems to be doing fine (at least from the few videos I've seen). It's remarkable that he kept filming for a while while he knew he had it initially. I don't know if he stopped working on TV shows while getting chemo/treatment, but I'm going to assume so.


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## martinaee (Jul 25, 2015)

Just realized this will be my 1000th post so I thought I'd use it to say thanks to everyone on CPF. I almost wanted to make a separate thread in a different CPF forum, but I guess I'll put it here since this will be a long-term meaningful thread to me.

I think I started looking at CPF in 2008 or so when I was still in college and got my first "real" flashlight which was a Fenix LD20 q5. LOL I lost that light photographing a wedding along with a Streamlight Microstream a few years back.

I think I only started posting in 2012, but this has been an awesome place to be a part of as everyone is nice and the forums spans the super technical to the general use and use philosophies to fun things and everything else not even related to flashlights/led emitters.

*THANKS EVERYONE AND CPF!!! KEEP IT GOING FOR YEARS TO COME *


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## Mr Floppy (Jul 25, 2015)

martinaee said:


> How did that procedure turn out with your friend?



he's gone for a world trip and haven't seen him for ages. I am guessing it worked out. I'm not a close friend so I don't know the full details.


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## Taz80 (Jul 25, 2015)

Hi Martinaee, I wish you the best. Its important to keep a positive attitude. Try to hang out with people who treat you normally and make you laugh. And try to stay away from the downers the doom and gloomers, you don't need to hear about other peoples crap when you have your own to deal with. Also this will be, in some ways, just as hard on your wife as you.


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## martinaee (Jul 26, 2015)

Taz80 said:


> Hi Martinaee, I wish you the best. Its important to keep a positive attitude. Try to hang out with people who treat you normally and make you laugh. And try to stay away from the downers the doom and gloomers, you don't need to hear about other peoples crap when you have your own to deal with. Also this will be, in some ways, just as hard on your wife as you.



For sure. I almost feel guilty because I have such good support going through this. I can't imagine how crappy it must be for so many people in the world who get this or other things when they have no one to help them through it in so many ways.


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## Unicorn (Jul 26, 2015)

I'm not really supposed to be alive anymore. I was diagnosed in 2005 with a synovial sarcoma, a recurrence with lung mets in 06, and another couple recurreneces over the next couple years. 
The best thing I can say is do not let it beat you. Even if it kills you don't let it beat you. Only you can let that happen. It's a state of mind. You might not have total control over the quantity of your life, but you sure as hell do have control over the quality of your life.


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## Chauncey Gardiner (Jul 28, 2015)

Due to martinaee starting this thread and Crazyeddie's boldness, I scheduled my first colonoscopy. :thanks: Guys.

~ Chance


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## Taz80 (Jul 28, 2015)

Chauncey Gardiner said:


> Due to martinaee starting this thread and Crazyeddie's boldness, I scheduled my first colonoscopy. :thanks: Guys.
> 
> ~ Chance



Its about time, enjoy:nana:, it might even save your life.


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## martinaee (Jul 28, 2015)

Unicorn said:


> I'm not really supposed to be alive anymore. I was diagnosed in 2005 with a synovial sarcoma, a recurrence with lung mets in 06, and another couple recurreneces over the next couple years.
> The best thing I can say is do not let it beat you. Even if it kills you don't let it beat you. Only you can let that happen. It's a state of mind. You might not have total control over the quantity of your life, but you sure as hell do have control over the quality of your life.



THAT'S FANTASTIC! 


Chauncey Gardiner said:


> Due to martinaee starting this thread and Crazyeddie's boldness, I scheduled my first colonoscopy. :thanks: Guys.
> 
> ~ Chance



Awesome. That really is good. That and overall physical exams checking for things like various types of cancer are a good thing for anyone. I've always been the "nothing wrong with you guy," but I guess that changes now. Even if (when) I get through this I guess my mentality towards health will change. Or at least I'm way more aware of medical things and that random medical conditions can happen to anyone.

I know the doctors/nurses can't answer all questions, but I'm probably most terrified that it could come back once gone due to something I'm not aware of in my environment. We've only lived in the apartment/new city we're in now for exactly one year and now I have this after being super healthy all my life? Maybe it's coincidence, but I think I'm going to be very paranoid. The area we moved to is a pretty nice suburb of Cleveland, but now everything "sticks" in my mind I've ever heard even if it's just rumors. My wife heard somebody say there is "something" in the water here and people have gotten cancers here, but I don't know if that's just paranoia from an uninformed person you'd hear anywhere. I know at least the main Cleveland water treatment is supposed to be very good so I'd assume most of the surrounding areas still in the same county are pretty good. And I've never been a smoker or drinker in my life.

The doctor and nurse were saying there usually are "steps" that have to occur for cancer to happen if it's not caused by something like serious or long term exposure to toxins/chemicals/radiation/etc. And that's what scares me. maybe it's just a genetic fluke, but even then what if there are things I'm being exposed to or could be exposed to again that could cause it.

I know the Epstein-barr virus is something that huge percentages of the population have (associated with mononucleosis, aka mono) but that could potentially trigger certain people with certain genetic code, but I don't know about comprehensive or detailed research on that. I think I had a basic mono test right at the beginning of all this medical attention and I don't think I have it now at least. Maybe I did at one point and didn't know? Ack... who knows.

That literally is the million dollar question though, isn't it? (probably multi-billion...) What causes different cancers outside of obvious things like serious radiation exposure or chemical exposure? Somebody get back to me and the medical professionals on that? 

This is one of the first years I'm reading online about a future rife with literally changing genetic code in living people... We'll see what the future holds.


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## martinaee (Jul 28, 2015)

Well today was a big day. My actual first chemotherapy. Scary mentally because of what is maybe going to happen side effect wise, but overall I have to say.... actually getting chemo is pretty boring lol. I'm getting ABVD regimen for 6 cycles which means a pretty serious dosage 12 times over 24 weeks. I'll probably have a port put into my chest too as it's recommended and from what it sounds like basically becomes mandatory for most chemo (especially for a pretty serious number of cycles like I'm getting). Yet another thing I kind of dreaded not long ago, but now can only say "okay, sure" too  Hey... if it's either that or potential necrosis of tissue because some of the chemo drugs got into some tissue and not directly into the blood in my veins... fine by me. It sounds like they are really convenient too overall once you have them in and they are basically semi-permanent for as long as you need them.

I'm done already kids... can I be done already  It's late, about 11:30, and though I have felt some nausea I've been given anti nausea meds so it's not too bad I guess. Maybe it'll be worse or better tomorrow, but even on anti-nausea meds I'm already feeling the nausea is kind of like what it feels like after food poisoning when you get that feeling where you KNOW you are going to throw up even say a good hour in advance. That happened to me I think twice in my life. Once was from food poisoning at a wedding lol. I'm obviously going to try to avoid the actual throwing up part if I can. Also I went to bed late last night before we had to go to the Taussig Center in Cleveland so It's probably just a lot of tiredness overall. I and my main (awesome) nurse are optimistic though. Hopefully the chemo doesn't affect me too much since I'm in pretty good shape to begin with. I guess after a day or two it gets better each time.

I find the saying "it is what it is!" annoying, but I don't think there really is anything more appropriate right now so I'll just leave it at that. See ya soon everyone. Night night!


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## bdogps (Jul 28, 2015)

All the best to you Martin and hopefully it is successful. Cleveland Rocks!


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## moshow9 (Jul 29, 2015)

Good vibes and prayers to all that are fighting the fight.

Last year cancer was just a word. By mid summer it had a name. My Dad was it's face. What it did to him and all the unimaginable that he felt, but he never gave up. Physically, everything was happening to him and yet he was the one that was comforting us all. I am so proud of him and hate that this had to happen. Hate that I did not know or think about asking him to get checked - something his retiring PCP never mentioned or tested for. If caught early, he would have had a high probability for long term survival. He passed 3 days after Christmas - spending Christmas in the hospital but was able to come home for one final night in his home.

Positive state of mind can do wonders though. Keep your head up. Lean on others for support as they lean on you for the same. Strength, love, fight, and hope of one magnified!


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## more_vampires (Jul 29, 2015)

martinaee said:


> Maybe it'll be worse or better tomorrow, but even on anti-nausea meds I'm already feeling the nausea is kind of like what it feels like after food poisoning when you get that feeling where you KNOW you are going to throw up even say a good hour in advance.



Score a jay, sir. The stuff is fat soluble and can be infused in things like butter and spaghetti sauce. Eating causes the medicinal effect to last longer as the up and down are slowed and more gradual. In MMJ states, there are pills as well.

Keep fighting, Martin!


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## martinaee (Jul 29, 2015)

more_vampires said:


> Score a jay, sir. The stuff is fat soluble and can be infused in things like butter and spaghetti sauce. Eating causes the medicinal effect to last longer as the up and down are slowed and more gradual. In MMJ states, there are pills as well.
> 
> Keep fighting, Martin!



Yeah... I honestly should look into it. Ironically we cancelled going on our honeymoon roadtrip to and around the Colorado/Arizona area after we got married last month because we didn't want my wife having food issues on the way... a week later I told her I was worried about lumps on my neck. What are ya gonna do lol.

I tried m a few times in my life in college and honestly it never did anything for me. Or the opposite where I tried literally half of a candy with it in it and an hour later it basically made me have a bad greenout because it was so strong. Ugh... I hear about how it can be mellowing, but I've yet to experience that for myself. It's like alcohol to me. It will be legal eventually everywhere and people should just not be stupid with using it just like alcohol.


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## martinaee (Jul 29, 2015)

moshow9 said:


> Good vibes and prayers to all that are fighting the fight.
> 
> Last year cancer was just a word. By mid summer it had a name. My Dad was it's face. What it did to him and all the unimaginable that he felt, but he never gave up. Physically, everything was happening to him and yet he was the one that was comforting us all. I am so proud of him and hate that this had to happen. Hate that I did not know or think about asking him to get checked - something his retiring PCP never mentioned or tested for. If caught early, he would have had a high probability for long term survival. He passed 3 days after Christmas - spending Christmas in the hospital but was able to come home for one final night in his home.
> 
> Positive state of mind can do wonders though. Keep your head up. Lean on others for support as they lean on you for the same. Strength, love, fight, and hope of one magnified!



Sorry to hear about your dad. It sounds like he was very strong though it though. I'll take your thoughts to heart!


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## martinaee (Jul 29, 2015)

There's a light at the end of the tunnel... we just have to dig out of the tunnel first.


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## Taz80 (Jul 29, 2015)

"IT" did nothing for me when I had chemo but I've heard it helps some people. I had my chemo on Fridays so I had the weekend to recover, and back to work on Monday. Unfortunatly chemo has a cumulative effect so it gets tougher toward the end of the cycle, you just do what you can. Seeing that I.V. in your arm brings back some not very fond memories.


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## martinaee (Aug 10, 2015)

Welp... round 2 of 12 tomorrow lol... Man this is gonna take a while.

The first one was ... okay. I'm doing so well at the end of two weeks so I think the hardest part of doing it each time is knowing how bad it's going to be for 4-5 days right after the chemo. But after that it gets better and you start feeling better. Oh well. It's not so bad in the grand scheme of things.

I got a port-placement surgery in my chest last Thursday so at least no more needles in my arm until after this is all over so that's cool. They still put needles through the skin, but it's a one-shot quick thing and doesn't hurt as much. Also it's so much safer I hear.


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## lightlover (Aug 11, 2015)

Dear martinaee,
I expect you’re tired at the moment. I hope you’re not feeling too down as well.

*Please excuse my forwardness here, *but I’d like to share some points that I learned the hard way, through bitter experiences.

Most people don’t realise that *doctors have little or no interest in mitigating pain:* to them, it’s just an interesting symptom, a useful indicator of the disease. 
So, their treatment plans tend to be un-thought-out in the “Pain Management” aspect. 
But, it seems obvious to me that if one is not desperately using up energy trying to withstand pain, one will have more success in framing a positive attitude. 
With the range of medications available today, there isn’t actually much need to suffer. 

MMJ doesn’t always help, but there are a lot of ways to take it to make it more palatable. Take whatever works?
Perhaps ask to be prescribed a *“Chemical Holiday” *from pain or anxiety, so as to let your vitality run free.

[ _Some years ago, a dear friend of mine who had terminal cancer, and was treated by a sympathetic doctor, spent his treatment phase quite happily on generous doses of Oromorph®. 
His last few days were greatly eased by a “Brompton Cocktail” (as it’s called over here) type of mixture._ ] 

[ EDIT: correct spelling is: *ORAMORPH*]

Re: drug side-effects – they’re often listed at the “occurs in 1 in 10,000 level”. 
The range of those effects is obviously wider than “1 in 1,000”. 
So they may or may not happen to you.

And a general rule I’ve read is that for ~30% of people, medications don’t always work exactly as advertised.
Like you said: *“Humans are NOT all the same.” *

I’m near-evangelical about avoiding unnecessary pain + suffering. 

Hoping all goes well for you – sending you Spiritual Strength(!!) from the UK. 

All the best to you. 

*I hope I've worded this OK: good intentions don't always read clearly . . . . *


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## martinaee (Aug 21, 2015)

Hey everyone!

I'm still here. Some of you sweet people have even pm'd me which is truly touching. I love and am trying to get something from EVERYTHING that's posted.

I'm doing great after my 2nd chemo session and even though the first 4-5 days are pretty bad it does get better. I was just commenting to my wife how the body is very good at remembering a feeling of pleasure, but VERY quickly I can tell it tries to force out the remembrance of something like nausea. After about day 5 after one has it (I guess everybody's experience is different so I'm just speaking for myself really) you FINALLY lose the lingering nausea which is in full force the first 3 days and it's just so nice to eat food again and feel "normal" lol. My doctor and nurse are going to try some steroids and different nausea meds next round to hopefully make it not as bad. Maybe it's because they give drugs through the IV at the same time with the chemo, but it actually takes maybe 2-3 hours before the sickness starts coming on after you have it. Somebody told me today thin people get hit harder too by the chemo, but I don't know if that's true. I guess I need to eat a lot of cake this week while I feel more like eating. I'm gonna try not to lose weight overall.

Definitely good nutrition is important with lots of veggies and such. I was talking to a nurse and had an interesting conversation where the concept came up that often what kills people with cancer isn't the cancer themselves, but the fact that they lose so much weight and just aren't getting good nutrition to the body. I'm trying to keep that in mind right now and am going to FORCE myself to eat more and try to eat good foods in the off weeks.

My port in my chest has become my little "lump" buddy. I thought it would be totally in the way, but it really does become more or less part of your body under the skin. I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep on it on my stomach, but I can now just fine. I am really glad I don't have to be stuck in the arms anymore. I actually think I was just forcing myself to be fine with it, but now that I don't have to anymore I'm actually really relieved. I guess I was dehydrated when I was getting the port surgery, but I actually passed out before it from pain and vein-collapse when the nurse tried to put an IV in my arm (that's never happened) then also they had to try 5-6 times in the surgery room to actually get an IV started and that HURT lol. They were wiggling the IV needles around in my arm lol. Finally they had to hold my arm really still and use a ultrasound to get it in without the vein "collapsing" or retracting. I don't understand medically exactly what happens with dehydration, but I guess the veins can sort of shrink or retract. I guess that was from being dehydrated probably so I'm trying to drink lots of water. But IVs are great now with the port. They still have to stick a special needle through the skin, but it goes right into that and from the port through a catheter into a main vein/artery in my neck. Easy-peasy! 

I don't have my hair anymore or my epic beard anymore, but it's fine. The nice thing about having your head shaved is your hair looks perfect when you get up with no shower even lol! I shaved my head before anything happened and for a while I looked pretty tough like Walter White or a road biker or something. But I guess I realized it was time to shave my beard when I finally noticed suddenly that if I pulled my fingers though it I'd get multiple hairs coming out every time. I don't know why but that was kind of shocking to me even though obviously everybody knows that happens with chemo. It takes at least until the 2nd time usually for it to happen.


The weather was so nice today and I think it's going to start being my favorite time of year in the next few days and weeks; warm and breezy, but not hot and with twinges of cool fall weather, but still with blue fluffy clouds and green trees! Life is good peeps!


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## Str8stroke (Aug 21, 2015)

Thanks for the update. Sounds like you are handling it better than I imagine I could. Very impressive. Stay strong and God Speed!


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## more_vampires (Aug 21, 2015)

Glad to hear you're going forward, sir. Great to hear from you! Stay breathing!


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## bdogps (Aug 21, 2015)

From what you are saying and from what I read from other people experiences, I can understand why they turn to marijuana. I am in no way saying that you do, but it just reinforces why others that are in chemotherapy use it. 


All the best you mate. Keep strong!


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## jabe1 (Aug 22, 2015)

Glad to hear you're handling it so well! I have to agree on the weather these days, near perfect. Those mentioning MJ are right, I believe, but Ohio is not a medical Marijuana state.


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## Me+Light=Addiction (Aug 22, 2015)

Good to hear you are doing good! I might not respond to all your updates as i'm not always sure what to say, but I am reading all of them with great interest. I hope you keep doing this well and you can leave this illness behind quickly!


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## RBR (Aug 25, 2015)

.....


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## martinaee (Aug 26, 2015)

Thanks RBR. I really hope things are going well for you. I'm glad too I got the port. I think I was just "manning up" with getting stuck in the arms so many times, but I'm so relieved I at least don't have to do that anymore now that I have this port and honestly it would be kind of stressful now if I had to go back to that. As you know for sure the chemo sucks so much, but I guess at least I'm done with the other surgeries and biopsies for now so at least I just have to focus on the two week cycles for the next few months. Next one is this Friday :ironic: Are you still doing chemo sessions too? I think the hardest part is that after two weeks I'm finally starting to feel energetic and actually wanting to be athletic and such again and then I know I have to go back to feeling super sick again. The cycle continues!!!

When I was getting the port put in I was dehydrated so they had to put an IV in 6 times I think too and that was really hurting and uncomfortable lol. I thought the port would be more uncomfortable than it is. After several weeks it really does become integrated with your body. I just have to be careful not to get slammed right on it or something, but I don't even notice it anymore and I can even sleep on my chest and everything.

Best wishes to you too!


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## RBR (Aug 26, 2015)

.....


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## martinaee (Aug 28, 2015)

All righty folks, I'm getting chemotherapy #3 right now... and as they say thing are gonna get real ugly real fast. lol

Hopefully it will be better with nausea this time. They are switching up my meds again to hopefully help with it. At least until Monday I'll only be on Adivan and a THC pill besides the white blood cell growth shot I get tomorrow so maybe it will help hopefully. I didn't get much sleep and I'm already feeling nauseous I think and also from smelling the smells of the medical equipment my brain is associating with the wonderful side effects.

Probably won't be posting for a few days depending on how I feel, but seriously as always thanks so much for the support you've all shown!

-Martin


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## more_vampires (Aug 28, 2015)

Every day, sir. Best of fortunes.


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## lightlover (Sep 9, 2015)

martinaee said:


> All righty folks, I'm getting chemotherapy #3 right now...
> and as they say thing are gonna get real ugly real fast. lol ...
> Probably won't be posting for a few days depending on how I feel...
> -Martin



Martin, how are you now? Recovering OK? What's the next step? 

Best from London, UK.


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## Poppy (Sep 10, 2015)

Martin,
20 years ago, Hodgkin's was not as treatable as it is today. According to the National Institute for Health_
*Outlook (Prognosis)*



Hodgkin lymphoma _*is one of the most curable cancers*_. Cure is even more likely if it is diagnosed and treated early. Unlike other cancers, Hodgkin lymphoma is also very curable in its late stages.

--------------------------------------------------

So, while the chemo, and radiation is going to suck, you have to do what you have to do.

There are meds for nausea that are helpful, I pray for you that your doctor can successfully treat that side effect for you. 

The sense of smell is a MAJOR contributor to the sense of taste. So much so, that if you smell peppermint, while you eat tuna, your fish will have a minty flavor. Unfortunately I do not think there is, or has been much research done regarding how to make food more palatable for people on chemo. Some chemo meds make foods, all foods, taste metallic, and that is one of the reasons that people eat less. IF that is the case with your medicine, I would like to suggest that you try speaking with a chef, who might suggest that you spice your food with certain herbs, or that you smell something that might compliment whatever taste sensations/interpretations you get when you eat.

I am sorry that this is the first that I looked at this thread.

A month ago, you mentioned that your wife needed a break. Please do what you can to see that she gets one. You know, that with Chemo, things are likely to get worse before they get better, and with her health issues, she may need a break now, and again later. 

A few years ago I attended a weekend symposium on nutrition for healthcare professionals. To sum it up briefly, there are two digestive pathways that the body uses to digest foods (depending upon the chemical composition of the foods) and to create glucose and energy for the body to use. 
One digestive pathway is used for glutins (wheat) and other grains. This process produces energy, but also produces free radicals (which are inflammatory and carcinogenic!)
The other other digestive pathway is Anti-Inflammatory, and is used when processing fruits and vegetables, and "animals that eat GRASS" (ie, not grain fed beef) grazed beef however is fine. Fish that eat seaweed are also anti-inflammatory. I am not sure about where chicken falls into the picture. The doctor/researcher frowned on farmed Salmon. 

He took the position that many diseases are a result of long term, perhaps subtle, inflammation, or inflammatory insults. One doesn't get diabetes overnight, it is a slow insidious process. He made a strong, rational argument to eat Fresh fruits and vegetables, and animals that eat grass.

For many years I have known that certain plants called the "night shade plants" those that bloom at night, eg., eggplants, peppers, tomatoes, cause inflammation in people who suffer with arthritis, yet I still eat all of those plants, and while wheat is also a well known offender, for many people, I often have Pizza for lunch. Therefore, my friend, this is an instance where I will say, "Do as I say, NOT as I do!" Refrain from those foods that increase inflammation, and eat more of those foods that do not. 

Here is a podcast by Dr. David Seaman who as far as I know is usually associated with "Anabolic Labs". He is brilliant! 

Following his recommendations will probably help your wife, and certainly can't hurt you. If I were in your shoes, I would change my diet to his recommendations. You have a good shot at curing your type of cancer, and I would therefore give myself every possible advantage.

I am with you brother!
As others have already stated ... keep the faith!


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## ForrestChump (Sep 10, 2015)

My sincere positivities, thoughts and hopes your way brother man. 

Last year my Grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer. With proper treatment and a good attitude she kicked the **** out of it. Gone.

This year she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. With proper treatment and a good attitude she kicked the **** out of it. Gone.

She's 80.

YOU WILL BEAT THIS. 

Don't you forget that for a split second, she didn't.

:rock:


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## martinaee (Sep 10, 2015)

Hey thanks for asking guys. Yeah, I'm a little bummed out because tomorrow I get to do chemo #4/12 so I get to go from feeling pretty great right now to ... bleh :sick2: .... From experiencing 3 sessions of ABVD now it seems to take maybe a full 6-7 days or so before your body starts to feel "normal" again and I think that length of time is what really can break a person's morale down. You go from wanting to do cool stuff and get things done to knowing that you aren't going to want to (or have any ability really to do anything). And the nausea is probably the worst thing about it. Before this I never really thought of nausea as a severe symptom of anything. I thought of it more like "oh you might get a little upset stomach or something" but it probably is the worst of the symptoms and would be the first to go if I had the choice of getting rid of one of them. The only way I can describe it is as though something is constantly stuck in you from about the top of your stomach all the way up to the back of your throat and you constantly have that feeling of "I'm on the verge of throwing up" for several days. It's a strange kind of pain that is different from a physical "stabbing or damage to tissue" kind of pain. Then it's still there for a few more days but less and less until it finally goes away maybe after the fifth day. Oh and also smells and certain foods making you nauseous are also there during it. I love coffee, but have only been able to have it in the last few days again due to the smell/taste. Certain things that taste and smell great normally I can tell would make me instantly want to throw up during treatment. 

Then after that I get a few days of really being achy and almost feeling "arthritic" sort of which is a side effect from a shot I have to take after chemo called "Neulasta" which helps your body make white blood cells and helps prevent infections somewhat during the chemo.

It's just a dragging feeling of knowing you have to do it again and again. It's the weirdest feeling to know you are voluntarily making yourself feel really really sh***y over and over in order to hopefully ultimately get back to normal. It's also terrifying because I have no idea how things are actually going progress wise. I'm assuming it's going great, but I can't know for sure. I honestly don't think about it too much. I guess maybe a good sign is that right now in the past few days where I feel pretty normal I've been going for some walks and don't seem to have that seriously fatigued and physically weak feeling I did get a few times right about the time I actually was diagnosed. My doctor said that could happen and you might actually feel better in that regard as the treatment progresses so hopefully that's a good sign!

I have dronabinol now too which is basically THC in pill form as my doctor and nurse are trying to find stuff that actually works for the nausea. I've taken it a few times and while yeah it does work in a way it's more of an effect while you're on it. I guess you can say that for any drugs, but what I mean by that is that you only get the anti-nausea effects from it while also getting the other effects inherent from THC. Basically you have to get high to feel the effect. It does help you sleep for sure if you take it say an hour before bed. It's kind of a commitment though which is why I've only taken it a few times. It basically gets you high so you kind of have to block out time for it if you were going to do anything productive before or after it. I don't necessarily want that though so I kind of wish you could get the benefits if you wanted without the high. Kind of how you aren't going to just get drunk in the middle of the day if you want to get anything done it's sort of the same. It kind of reminds me of Louis CK talking about his experiences with pot in the modern day. I'm not even his age, but I know what he's talking about. I don't really like how pot/THC can be an "ordeal". I'll just paste the link here if anybody wants to watch some comedy on the subject: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8FzGlgVGdo). They gave me some pretty hard iv anti-nausea drugs last time which actually did work for the first 24 hours pretty well more so than the first two chemo sessions and after that I didn't use any other anti-nausea pills I had except for this dronabinol (aka Marinol) a few times. I probably will do the same this time and just suffer through some of the nausea as honestly I want to put as few meds in my body as possible besides the chemo. Dronabinol is a sched. 3 controlled substance, but honestly in my opinion it should be made more available to people who have to suffer medical stuff and it's kind of weird that it's a "last resort" for people going through serious nausea or physical pain. And just from my limited experience with it and reading I can't really see or find any negative side effects from it. It's not even like smoking marijuana where you are obviously getting the carcinogenic effects of smoking something. Obviously, yeah, you can't and SHOULD NOT ever use THC while doing something like driving, but the same goes for alcohol and anybody can do that at any time. Marijuana in any form definitely should be regulated just like alcohol, but I feel like it's kind of like prohibition where in 20 years we'll look back and wonder why it was illegal like it is now. I'm not even saying that from the perspective of somebody who likes the way THC makes you feel either. Honestly, I prefer the way a drink or two of alcohol makes you feel over this (yeah I know all pot is not the same and there are more compounds besides THC in marijuana) and yet THC by itself isn't going to hurt your body the way alcohol is (if you're not smoking it at least.) I'm not super opinionated on the subject like some, but I do feel it's silly to ban something so heavily and punish people over something that could legitimately help a LOT of people in the USA. Not to mention put a dent in the actual cartel drug trades.


Thanks for all that info Poppy. Eating the "ideal" and perfect diet is definitely harder to do in practice than you'd think. I'll definitely try to get better and better about incorporating even more veggies/fruit into my diet though  I'll listen to that YT video.


Well I could complain all night, but that's not very fun lol. And I really don't have things nearly as bad as so many other people do so I don't want to complain that much. I think I'll watch the finale of season 3 of "Hannibal". Pretty good show and a good interpretation of the "Lecter" storylines. I hope it gets a 4th season eventually.


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## Poppy (Sep 11, 2015)

martinaee said:


> Thanks for all that info Poppy. Eating the "ideal" and perfect diet is definitely harder to do in practice than you'd think. I'll definitely try to get better and better about incorporating even more veggies/fruit into my diet though  I'll listen to that YT video.


Yes, I agree. So many of the typical breakfast meals include grains/bread of some sort. Toast, bagels, pancakes, waffles, English muffins, muffins... etc. Donuts! It takes a mindset to get away from all that stuff.
Be well my friend.


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## more_vampires (Sep 11, 2015)

No grains? Sounds paleo! 

http://www.candlepowerforums.com/vb/showthread.php?404334-The-CPF-Diet-Thread-Part-2
For breakfast, I like an avocado and a couple slices of sandwich ham. Coffee (no sugar) with unsweetened almond milk.

It's definitely a change in mindset, but seriously I lost 61 lbs without working out on this. Education and internalizing the study was the key for me, so I didn't have to fight it.


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## RBR (Sep 27, 2015)

.....


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## ven (Sep 27, 2015)

As above, hope things a going as well as possible Martin, never out of my thoughts!


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## wacbzz (Sep 27, 2015)

I just found this thread. 

Martin, I hope you are doing as well as is earthly possible. There are ways in which I can relate to what you are going through, and others in which I cannot, but this thread is about you. You can PM me _anytime _you like about anything that crosses your mind. 

My best wishes are coming your way along with high hopes for strength and perseverance during all this.


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## martinaee (Sep 28, 2015)

Holy heck. You guys really are making me feel better coming back and seeing people asking about me in this thread! I had chemo session 5 this past Friday so I've been feeling pretty not-good to say the least. I haven't even been on the internet since then. Today I'm finally starting to feel a little better though so that's good. I don't know how I'm going to do a supposed 7 more of these sessions. Hopefully it's fewer. Ugh... the gross nausea feelings you get from chemo are the worst. I seriously would rather get a bone marrow biopsy or two every time over this, but whatever lol. I guess I don't have a choice. Also the smells associated with nausea.... ugh. This is the first time in my life I've had something that I can just think about that almost makes me vomit. Even just picturing going to get it done mentally makes my body go "nope".

I laughed because I just read a thread on Reddit.com, r/askreddit about "what's the worst non-pain feeling you can experience" and somebody listed nausea as one. LOL it counts to me now as pain... I think I would rather have a physical pain at a specific part of my body over intense chemical induced nausea. I guess it basically is poisoning so your whole body feels so disgusting for several days until you can get it all out of your body.

Well I guess I get some time now feeling better and then it happens again lol. I guess I can just hope that all this is behind me by the end of the year-ish and never comes back.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Again, thanks all for being so nice and sorry that basically everything I post here is about how gross I'm feeling lol! I am doing better and surely am on track to be totally better


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## more_vampires (Sep 28, 2015)

No worries, Martin. You've got me thinking about "what if" now. I think I'll be better prepared mentally now if it should happen to me. Thanks for your story.


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## martinaee (Sep 28, 2015)

Oh please don't what if lol. I still keep wondering if there is something in my environment that caused this for me, but I guess I'll never know. At least hopefully it doesn't come back. I don't mean don't "what if" mentally because that's probably a good thing to an extent, but please just don't worry too much about it happening to you. I guess it can be completely random as I never would have expected this just 5 months ago or so. And I guess specifically don't worry too much about getting what I have as apparently it's pretty rare as far as cancers go.

I don't know what I'm saying-- I guess I just mean mentally know that stuff can happen in life suddenly, but don't obsess over it too much so that it intrudes into what you enjoy doing. 

I was able to eat tonight and I'm already feeling better. I've noticed my mood about this whole thing directly correlates with how my bodies feeling which I guess is pretty understandable. I've noticed with this my body is very "quick" to forget what it feels like to be sick as I start feeling better and that's fine with me lol.


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## RBR (Sep 29, 2015)

.....


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## Poppy (Sep 29, 2015)

I have to agree. Nausea is probably the worst, non-pain symptom, although, I guess vertigo can't be too much fun either  

I don't drink hard liquor anymore, but once upon a time, I had too many ounces of Tequila! After that experience, even years later, just the smell of it, made me feel queezy. 

Martin,
I'm glad that you get a break from the nausea, now and then. 
Keep your chin up. We're all pulling for you :thumbsup:


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## Poppy (Oct 15, 2015)

Hey Martin,
Just want you to know that we are still thinking of you and pulling for you.


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## more_vampires (Oct 15, 2015)

So Martin, when's the chems over? Any plans for a "life party?"


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## lightlover (Oct 15, 2015)

Poppy said:


> Hey Martin,
> Just want you to know that we are still thinking of you and pulling for you.



*That, x10!*

martinaee, 
you *tough and admirable* person you!
I know I mentioned it before, but check this out for a perspective (covers chemo negatives too).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cancer_pain




[_NOTE: Poppy – sorry, v. much delayed, but am PM’ing you soon. *embarrassed*_]


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## martinaee (Oct 15, 2015)

Hey buds,

I'm still here lol. I had my 6th treatment last Friday and over the past couple days I've finally started feeling better again. Food tastes so good when you actually want to eat again!

I'm halfway through my scheduled treatment and I'll get another PET scan on Tuesday. I can't shake that it's going to be scary after this whole thing even if it goes well and I'll probably always be worried in the back of my mind that it could come back. I'm feeling good though about how it's going. Apart from feeling horrible during and after actual treatment I feel pretty normal when I'm feeling better which is great. I guess that's a good sign. Honestly, that's what's made whole thing so weird too; I know that it's something really serious and without going through this treatment it would have just gotten a lot worse, but with something internal and silent like this it made it such a shock to realize and find out that something was actually really wrong.

I hate complaining about it, but they were definitely right about how chemo goes (at least for my experience and regimen). Unfortunately over the past 2 treatments actually getting chemo has gotten really bad, and I'm actually kind of scared to do it 6 more times. The first few times getting chemo itself was fine and then you just felt really horrible hours later and for a few days after. Now my body knows exactly what's coming and the smells at the hospital are truly horrible. Sorry if this is TMI, but I literally couldn't handle it last time even just going there. They hadn't even injected me anything into me and as soon as I started to get the gross medical smells of the "pod" rooms where they give chemo I literally just started vomiting constantly until they gave me lots of Lorazepam (Ativan). They told me this probably would happen, but I didn't expect it to get this bad. For a good week or so during and after treatment I can literally just think about anything treatment related and make myself almost throw up. I hate using lots of drugs by this point, but I think I'm going to literally have to basically knock myself out on several Ativan before I even go there next time haha. Your body basically becomes it's own enemy with this stuff and rightfully so I guess. I know the results of chemo are overall a good thing and I hate hearing people who decide to forgo chemo refer to it as "poisoning," but as much as I hate to admit it they are right in a messed up way. It really does feel like being poisoned each time and your whole body feels horrible in a way I've never felt until now.

--------------------------------------------------

I'm really hoping this whole experience gets better for me, but I'm also hoping I'm more of a "humanist" and empathetic after this. Not that I haven't always though of myself as a nice person and I try to be nice to everyone, but this opens my eyes that people REALLY suffer in this world in a real way. I can't imagine that really young kids go through stuff like this all the time. This is really kind of sucky for me, but overall I am doing well and have loved ones so things aren't that bad. I'm reading things every day about people who have things MUCH MUCH worse than me so I HAVE to keep my chin up through this. I don't know what I can do, but after this I definitely want to try to give to or do something for those going through really rough experiences. 

 

Holy hell, I remember laughing at this so hard long before I ever had this... still hilarious. I need to re-watch Curb. Never really liked Seinfeld, but I find C.Y.E. hilarious. (edit: oh, guess it's not playing this vid outside of YT)


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## NoNotAgain (Oct 15, 2015)

My sister had non Hodgkins Lymphoma three years ago. First diagnosed as cancer of the thymus.

She had the surgery and a week later started chemo after the port insertion. She became violently ill, so that every round of chemo, she'd be hospitalized for a week and a half, then a few days later back for chemo. After the third round her oncologist had to stop doing chemo and did 14 weeks of radiation.

Three years later, she just received her upgrade from 6 month PET scans to now yearly. She's happy!

I remember one funny time bringing her home from the PET scan and got stopped by the State Police. Wasn't speeding, but set the radiation detector off in his car, so he stopped us to investigate.

Anything you can do to eat massive amounts of calories when you're feeling good will get you thru the week where you puke just thinking about food.

Good luck, and prayers to you.


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## Tre_Asay (Oct 15, 2015)

I feel for you man, the worst experience of my life was getting a nasty stomach flu that made me violently sick for over a week, I couldn't eat or sleep from the pain and nausea I almost wanted to die more than live during that time. The inescapable pain is the worst. Stay positive though, you have much to live for even if you forget why.

I am always afraid that something terrible is going to creep up on me out of my control, Today I cut through 4 feet of leaf spring using metal cut off discs I Tried to avoid breathing in the fumes but I still felt the chemical sting in my lungs, it is easy to become careless with such things, I hope that it does not harm me. That is just one example of many hazards all around. 

I can imagine complete paranoia because of the fear that everything around you is poisoning you, but what can we do other than move out into the middle of nowhere and eat nothing but berries and leaves?


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## martinaee (Oct 15, 2015)

Tre_Asay said:


> I feel for you man, the worst experience of my life was getting a nasty stomach flu that made me violently sick for over a week, I couldn't eat or sleep from the pain and nausea I almost wanted to die more than live during that time. The inescapable pain is the worst. Stay positive though, you have much to live for even if you forget why.
> 
> I am always afraid that something terrible is going to creep up on me out of my control, Today I cut through 4 feet of leaf spring using metal cut off discs I Tried to avoid breathing in the fumes but I still felt the chemical sting in my lungs, it is easy to become careless with such things, I hope that it does not harm me. That is just one example of many hazards all around.
> 
> I can imagine complete paranoia because of the fear that everything around you is poisoning you, but what can we do other than move out into the middle of nowhere and eat nothing but berries and leaves?



I live a fairly non-toxic life in my opinion so realistically with me it's probably just a random or genetic thing, but yeah, you still worry about environmental possibilities you don't know about. I guess I won't going forward and just try to eat and be healthy. Do you have face masks with vapor and/or hepa filters? I actually used a half respirator for years when cleaning my cats litter box, but you can also get filters that are more for chemicals too. I can send you amazon links if you want.



NoNotAgain said:


> My sister had non Hodgkins Lymphoma three years ago. First diagnosed as cancer of the thymus.
> 
> She had the surgery and a week later started chemo after the port insertion. She became violently ill, so that every round of chemo, she'd be hospitalized for a week and a half, then a few days later back for chemo. After the third round her oncologist had to stop doing chemo and did 14 weeks of radiation.
> 
> ...



Cops have radiation detectors? Or is it just something with radar? Hmm... I know for the PET scans they use I think an Iodine isotope I think it was that has a very short half life, but that's amazing if it is actually enough to set off devices sensitive to that from far away. Good to hear your sister is doing well!


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## NoNotAgain (Oct 15, 2015)

martinaee said:


> Cops have radiation detectors? Or is it just something with radar? Hmm... I know for the PET scans they use I think an Iodine isotope I think it was that has a very short half life, but that's amazing if it is actually enough to set off devices sensitive to that from far away.



Because DHS is scared of dirty bombs, they've outfitted a lot of police agencies with radiation detectors. 
I'm a rather techy kind of person, but never had any idea that at 70 mph, the technology was there to detect radiation. 

My brother is a long haul trucker. All the loads he picks up at the ports goes thru a scanned before they're allowed to leave port. After scanning they then X-ray the trailer. He always has a problem as he hauls lead for car batteries. 

Somebody's scared or concerned enough to spend the money.


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## martinaee (Oct 15, 2015)

That's crazy that they are outfitting some cars with tech that sensitive. The tech/nurse who injected me with the dye last time I got a PET scan told me it's pretty mild overall so I'm amazed it could be picked up like that. It's probably tech where if it senses basically ANYTHING above whatever the baseline of zero is it sounds an alarm. Where was this? I doubt they equip that kind of equipment everywhere unless it's not that sensitive.


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## Poppy (Oct 16, 2015)

> They hadn't even injected me anything into me and as soon as I started to get the gross medical smells of the "pod" rooms where they give chemo I literally just started vomiting constantly until they gave me lots of Lorazepam (Ativan). They told me this probably would happen, but I didn't expect it to get this bad. For a good week or so during and after treatment I can literally just think about anything treatment related and make myself almost throw up. I hate using lots of drugs by this point, but I think I'm going to literally have to basically knock myself out on several Ativan before I even go there next time haha.


I'd take the ativan, and not give it a second thought, especially if it helps.
Scopalomine, I'm not sure of the spelling comes in a patch form, it is the medication that they sometimes give for motion sickness, sea sickness, I *think* they sometimes give that for nausea. If the ativan fails on you, you may speak to your doc about the patch.

Hang in there baby :thumbsup:


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## NoNotAgain (Oct 16, 2015)

martinaee said:


> That's crazy that they are outfitting some cars with tech that sensitive. The tech/nurse who injected me with the dye last time I got a PET scan told me it's pretty mild overall so I'm amazed it could be picked up like that. It's probably tech where if it senses basically ANYTHING above whatever the baseline of zero is it sounds an alarm. Where was this? I doubt they equip that kind of equipment everywhere unless it's not that sensitive.



This was in Virginia on interstate 64, a few miles from Charlottesville. There are three cancer centers in the area. Augusta Medical Center, Martha Jefferson, and University of Virginia.

We were on I-64 headed west, away from Charlottesville.

If you've done any reading lately, DHS has been doing over flights mapping back ground radiation of various areas. They recently did some of these flights in California. How often they fly, I haven't a clue.

The trooper didn't state how many vehicles were outfitted with the detectors and I didn't ask. I guess it's like the license plate camera cars.

This is an article from back in 2008. http://www.boston.com/news/local/ma...g_nuclear_mischief_trooper_finds_a_pet_peeve/


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## martinaee (Oct 20, 2015)

Well, I guess this is half-way sort of, maybe, I don't know.

I'm getting up really early tomorrow to get a PET scan again to see how things are going. I'm pretty optimistic that things will look good or better at least, but maybe more so I just can't believe that I have to probably do so much more chemo still. Ugh...


¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Whaddaya gonna do.


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## RBR (Oct 20, 2015)

.....


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## dpadams6 (Oct 20, 2015)

I wish the absolute best for you. I never realized how horrible this is, until my wife was just recently diagnosed with lung cancer. Seeing her going thru the chemo and how horrible it is to the human body. Hang in there and cherish every day.


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## more_vampires (Oct 20, 2015)

Don't forget, once you beat this that you'll get to see all those cool lights that are going to come out.


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## RBR (Nov 14, 2015)

.....


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## Prepped (Nov 14, 2015)

Best wishes to you. It looks as though you are fighting this and staying strong. Good on you.


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## martinaee (Nov 25, 2015)

Hey all! I'm still here. Thanks for being concerned RBR. I'm just starting to feel better after my 9th chemo last Friday. It's been hard, but I'm getting there. Hopefully only 3 more to go forever.

Oh, I guess I haven't been on here in quite a while so I do have some good news. I had another PET scan before my 7th chemo treatment and things are looking good overall. The main large "tumor" (it's more of a liquid tumor in a weird way I'm told with Hodgkin's Lymphoma as the cancerous cells start originate with a type of white blood cells called lymphocytes) I've had in my mediastinum (the area where your heart, treachea, and a few other important things are) has shrunk significantly. That was 3 chemo sessions ago so hopefully it's gone even further by now. So that's good. I don't know if it's ever possible to be completely gone by this point, but I know it's different for everyone how exactly a specific cancer will react to a specific treatment in a specific person. I think there were at least some smaller swollen lymph nodes in my neck (the ones could feel with my fingers that first alerted me something was wrong) that are gone. 3 more treatments to go and then I guess another PET scan and then CT scans every once in a while assuming everything is basically gone by that point. Then they just monitor lymph nodes and scar tissue (which will be there for a long time in my chest) watching for increase in size or lack thereof over coming months and years.

So I guess I'm happy, but also confused and tired. This has been a really draining year overall. I'm hoping a few months into next year I'm not dealing with this anymore so directly and dealing with more fun things like getting work, living, family, etc. lol. (Oh, and being weird looking at flashlight reviews online lol).

Hope everyone has a good upcoming holiday! 


:grouphug: <---group hug since I can't find a turkey icon


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## RBR (Nov 25, 2015)

.....


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## martinaee (Jan 7, 2016)

So tomorrow is my last treatment. Hopefully it's the last one forever. I really hope it is, because from what I hear if it comes back it's going to be a lot worse treatment wise and that is scary... I know I should be happy right now, but honestly each treatment has gotten so crappy that it kind of gets you down a few days before. Oh well, I guess you do what you have to do in life. I wish it was just completely OVER after tomorrow, but even if I'm "cured" in weeks/months to come I know I'll still have lots of appointments/tests/checkups/etc. ... ugh.

2016 should be pretty good though with lots of things to look forward too! I hope everyone had a good holiday and New Year!


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## Me+Light=Addiction (Jan 7, 2016)

I'm gonna be hoping for you it will be gone mate, I don't think I half understand how scary this decease is when you actually have it but still now i'm nervous about what the results are going to be long-term. 
I wish you the very best tomorrow and lets hope it will be your last treatment ever.
Make sure to let us know how it went! :buddies:


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## Poppy (Jan 7, 2016)

Hey Martin,
Thanks for posting. You hadn't posted in this thread in a while, but I was happy to see that you have been posting in other threads, so I was hoping that you were feeling well.

Fingers crossed that this is it for you.
:thumbsup:

Chin up, eh?


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## martinaee (Jan 7, 2016)

Thanks all. I'll have to have another PET scan I guess in February to see how things have gone since my 6th treatment, but assuming it's "gone" I don't really know how to feel. I think when you go through this the worst part is figuring out how to not worry about the future, but I guess you just have to.

It will be nice to have a long-to-possibly-permanent vacation from this though come next week. There is nothing like the feeling after ABVD (I don't want to speak for other chemo's I know nothing about) when you go from feeling absolutely disgusting to finally WANTING to eat again. I'm gonna go have a juicy burger then and maybe wear a party hat. I've actually had 3 weeks off since my last treatment as opposed to the 2 I had between all the others so it's been like a mini-vacation anyway


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## ven (Jan 8, 2016)

Last one !!! That's great news and hope for a great 2016 and many many more ahead. Hopefully very soon you can get back to normal and this will fade away into the past.


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## RBR (Jan 10, 2016)

.....


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## KuanR (Jan 10, 2016)

Stay strong, Martin and after all this you deserve to do whatever you want!


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## martinaee (Feb 10, 2016)

Hey all!

Unfortunately this is going to be a post I never really even thought I would have to make or... didn't even really consider it a possibility until just a few days ago. I got some bad news last Friday after having PET/CT scans done last week. Midway through my 12 ABVD chemo treatments in October or so my lymphoma was shrinking significantly. Unfortunately now it look like a portion of the cancer wasn't reacting to the chemo and that has caused the main mass to grow again. It's not literally 100 percent sure without a biopsy, but I have a very very good and well known oncologist and he's basically 99 percent sure that seeing pretty significant enlargement on the CT scans of the same area (and brightening on the PET scans) that had previously shrunk means the cancer was not completely wiped out by ABVD. I've been pretty shocked and upset and angry for a few days, but I think today I'm again quickly reliving that thing you have to do as a person in this situation and that's accept your situation as a reality no matter how bad it is. I can't change it and have to deal with it. It looks like my unpleasant adventure is far from over lol. There are a LOT of steps in the coming months, but I'll be in and out of the hospital a lot I think with then one or several much longer stays.

Thanks all for your continued support! It's been very nice here. I talk a lot on Reddit too and don't really want to retype tons of stuff tonight so I think I'll just post a comment I posted there earlier in response to someone who was asking what people go through with cancer in general. I don't know--- like you all know there isn't a good single answer so I just start talking about it sort of broadly like always or talk about specific things if it's relevant. Love you all!

Posted to Reddit earlier: 

_I don't know where to start. I just found out on Friday my Hodgkin's Lymphoma was not cured by 12 treatments of ABVD. I had the rundown today of what my oncologist thinks is the best course of action and it's not fun: different chemo, more tests, more bone marrow biopsies, a stem cell transplant after a complete chemo wipe out of my immune system, and very likely some radiation months after to try to really help the chances of getting rid of this specific cancer permanently for now anyway. Getting radiation (and chemos) can be very serious and have consequences in the future, but you and professionals have to sometimes weigh the pros and cons of how necessary it is to severely attack a cancer you currently have vs. one you may hypothetically have as a side effect down the road.

_
_I'm more scared than I have been in my life... I'm more angry deep down than I have been in my life... and a few days after I thought I was "free" and found out that it's basically just the beginning I'm more calm than I have ever been._
_I haven't personally experienced a lot of close people actually dying in my life yet at 28 years old. I'm really not planning on dying from this and plan on beating it, but there is something that I think I'm realizing is very close to others dying, and that is coming this close to your own mortality. Acceptance is probably one of the biggest words with a serious cancer and it is there every day. I keep waking up asking myself if this is real and it definitely is. Cancer is one of the most "real" things you can ever experience. It is unbiased. It is not malicious. It just is. We are biological beings and all the good things that come with that have a lot of inverse "bad", or unintended, things that can come with being living beings as well. There is a chance this could kill me. It's shocking to even write that, but I think you have to put that out there for yourself to be accepting of how indiscriminate cancer can be.

_
_The weirdest thing about going through this is becoming one of "those people" that get cancer. I.e. one of those people that "aren't you." Some things never happen to you until they just do. It's a surreal feeling mixed with a little bit of every emotion humans are capable of. I don't want to scare people because you shouldn't be scared. I wasn't before this. It's not something you fear, but something you literally just have to accept and deal with when and if it actually happens._
_I'm going to beat this. That's a statement I have to make because it's what I want. I have the support of family and a medical field that wants to help me. I know I can't control how things actually unfold, but you had better believe that as of right now I am going to push forward no matter what because I enjoy experiencing life.

_
_I and others could go on forever, but I think a big take away is to just understand that "cancer" is not one thing. It is so varied and complex for millions of people and is a struggle of emotions, physical strength, and understanding of our humanity. Be there for those who are going through extremely tough situations. They will appreciate it more than you'll ever know._


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## xdayv (Feb 10, 2016)

Martin, stay strong!


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## sgt253 (Feb 10, 2016)

Martin,
We are all behind you! You are the definition of perseverance. You have changed my life forever. I know this cannot be easy. You will succeed. You are loved by people you have never met! 

Don


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## mm1987 (Feb 10, 2016)

Stay strong and know that you have a lot of support here!


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## RBR (Feb 10, 2016)

.....


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## frosty (Feb 10, 2016)

Hang in there.


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## lightlover (Jun 2, 2016)

martin, 

How's it goin', our CPF brother-in-light?

(Since all this began for you - my partner has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I do ((more fully)) appreciate what you're going through) 

*STAY STRONG!

*[ RBR - you too! ]


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## SG Hall (Jun 2, 2016)

lightlover said:


> martin,
> 
> How's it goin', our CPF brother-in-light?
> 
> ...



Sorry to hear lightlover. Prayers for your partner. 

Thanks for resurrecting this thread too, I was wondering how Martin was going too.


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## Str8stroke (Jun 2, 2016)

Martin, hang in there brother. Also, thank you for sharing your amazing story. I can only speak for myself, it sure makes me appreciate the health I do have. It also makes me realize how I need to let some of those smaller things go that bother me. Life is too short. God Speed.


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## ven (Jun 2, 2016)

Stay strong Martin, thoughts your way and hope everything is as OK as can be.

Real sorry to hear LL, thoughts with you both at this time and hope for as fast as possible recovery.


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## lightlover (Jun 2, 2016)

*ven *and *SG Hall,*

Thanks for your acknowledgements!

It's a process - I learn something new everyday ... 

[ Life is Short and inexplicable. ] 

Xx


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## magellan (Jun 2, 2016)

Wishing you all the best Martin and Lightlover. As someone who has not always had the best health over the course of my 64 years I can certainly sympathize with your situation. It has been a pretty rocky road but I'm still here, having lived longer than anyone (including my doctors) thought. So you never know. Hang in there and the best of luck.


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## RBR (Jun 8, 2016)

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## martinaee (Jun 12, 2016)

Hey all!

Thanks for thinking of me! I've been out of the hospital for a couple weeks after my autologous stem cell transplant. It's been maybe a month or a bit less since the actual transplant. I had several 3 day stays in the hospital for a few weeks before the transplant for "ICE" regimen chemo to shrink the lymphoma as much as possible before the actual transplant. Basically, the very simple run down of what the stem cell transplant is is they collected millions of stem cells from my blood/bone marrow with drugs and an apheresis machine over a few days and then when I went into the hospital they give you tons and tons of chemo that basically wipes out your entire immune system and hopefully the cancer. Then they give you back your stem cells which can start making the necessary immune cells again. I was on the lymphoma/leukemia transplant floor for 3 weeks total. It wasn't fun to say the least, but I'm feeling good and better each day besides just having a lot of fatigue. I'm feeling really good, but nervous as always worrying about the future. But I can't do that too much as it doesn't actually do anything. In the coming weeks I'll learn about and start radiation I guess and then the plan is brentuximab for a year which is a pretty new drug from the past few years. I still have a port in the right side of my chest, but at least I don't have the Hickman catheter sticking out of the other side of my chest. They took that out when I left the hospital. 

Coming out of the hospital was weird because there weren't leaves on the trees when I went in and when I came out if felt like a completely different season  My wife and family have been awesome and I get to see my kitties again  I had to be super careful when I got out due to being super susceptible to infections and bacteria/viruses that normally wouldn't be an issue, but I think I'm probably out of the woods mostly for that now as my different white blood cell counts and other blood counts have been working their way back to normal and it's been a few weeks with no complications. 

It's good to be back though and doing lots of fun stuff  Thanks again to everyone who has been so supportive to me and others here who are going through hard stuff too!

------------------------------------------------------

lightlover, so sorry to hear about your partner. All the best wishes for both of you! I met someone today who apparently had breast cancer in the past so it definitely can be beaten!

Hope you are doing well too RBR!


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## KITROBASKIN (Jun 12, 2016)

Very, very much appreciate the update. Perhaps you can let us know as time goes on...


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## SG Hall (Jun 13, 2016)

Glad you are doing ok Martin. Enjoy the sunshine and all the best with the radiation treatment when it starts.


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## Jbones (Jun 14, 2016)

Inspiring, you're definitely not alone... Things like this have a way of coming out of nowhere, so I'll pray for you. Serious good luck and head up ! The medical technology and experts we have today are amazing

I'm recovering from recent spinal surgery myself, the candlepower community and everything flashlight related has been a god send, I went from working non stop 6 days a week with 24 hour shifts sprinkled in, going to the gym, and enjoying being active and strong. Then in an instant to non stop pain and a lengthy recovery where I can't sit down for long or be active like I used to. Complete game changer.. But you keep your mind working and pick up a fun hobby and surround yourself with your true friends, then you realize there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

And you're right, although I didn't have to look death in the eye like you and smile back strong, I had to look paralysis with the same glance and say nope ! Instantly you truly come to realize just how amazing life is, and all of the things that you once took for granted become wonders

Thanks for your post, it's hard, and it's courageous stories like yours that wake me back up every day

Ps. I'm 28 too, weren't we supposed to be invincible this young ?

Cheers brother


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## martinaee (Jun 17, 2016)

Oh man Jbones, hope that's going better for you. I know how much even minor back injuries can be debilitating, like a muscle spasm, let alone a serious spine injury. Hope you are a lot better!


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## sidecross (Jun 17, 2016)

Jbones said:


> Inspiring, you're definitely not alone... Things like this have a way of coming out of nowhere, so I'll pray for you. Serious good luck and head up ! The medical technology and experts we have today are amazing
> 
> I'm recovering from recent spinal surgery myself, the candlepower community and everything flashlight related has been a god send, I went from working non stop 6 days a week with 24 hour shifts sprinkled in, going to the gym, and enjoying being active and strong. Then in an instant to non stop pain and a lengthy recovery where I can't sit down for long or be active like I used to. Complete game changer.. But you keep your mind working and pick up a fun hobby and surround yourself with your true friends, then you realize there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
> 
> ...


I am 71 years old and have three bad lumbar discs with no good medical procedure to repair them. Instead over the last ten years I have redesigned my life to fit this new paradigm. I focus on what I can still do, and not the many things that are no longer possible.

As for death, it is the one common denominator all life forms share. To quote a line from The Evil Hours: A Biography of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder by David J. Morris: "We are born in debt, owing the world a death." This is easy to read and difficult to make a trusted core belief.


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## lightlover (Sep 15, 2016)

sidecross said:


> ............ over the last ten years I have redesigned my life to fit this new paradigm. I focus on what I can still do, and not the many things that are no longer possible.
> ..................



sidecross, that's inspiring! You face your difficulties with grace ... 

BUT - *Martin,* how's it going?
(Just want to catch up with you). 

[ BTW, my partner is winning against her Breast Cancer - many sighs of relief !! ]


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## ven (Sep 16, 2016)

That is great news jahn as I have been wanting to check up by email but never know how to word it . You and your wife as with Martin have been in my thoughts regular .

Wish you all the best and stay strong Martin.

+1 , I can tell nothing defeats mr sidecross! Great way of positive thinking.


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## martinaee (Sep 21, 2016)

Hey all and thanks so much lightlover and I'm so glad to hear that news about your partner.

I've been doing pretty great overall considering all I've been though over the past year and few months 

I finished radiation to my chest a few months ago and have had some pretty severe inflammation in my lungs (some of the chemos, specifically Bleomycin, can cause lung toxicity and the radiation probably worsened that), but have been on steroids that have made it much better and am almost off those. I'll have some scarring in the lungs, maybe 10 percent, but it shouldn't be too bad in the long run hopefully. Shouldn't be noticeable most of the time that I'm not doing 10 mile runs 

Yesterday I started the first of a 16 dose regimen of a pretty new immuno-therapy drug called Brentuximab vedotin. It's a very targeted "antibody-drug conjugate"that has been used for a few years now with really promising results/percentages to help people with Hodgkin's lymphoma who have relapsed. It's not at all like chemo overall and doesn't destroy how you feel, but can cause neuropathy long term so I'll just have to be careful and sometimes people don't do all the doses. 

The good news overall is that seemingly I haven't had any "visible" cancer primarily in my chest after PET/CT scans after my stem cell transplant. I didn't like the idea of getting radiation (or all the chemos ;p), but it's worth it to do to increase the chances I won't relapse. This drug I'm starting now is the same idea. 

-------------------------------------------------------

So I'm doing great overall apart from being really tired still from radiation/all the chemos/and now trying to ween off anti-inflammatory steroids which can mask tiredness a lot and also increase your energy. I have a few scars on my chest and neck and now a (sort of) permanent triangle of no-hair on my chest from radiation, but am feeling better overall more so than I have in a long time 

Hopefully I won't get any weird diseases as they have to pretty much re-give you all your childhood vaccinations again 6 months or more after the transplant because it basically can wipe out any immunities you have or have been inoculated against. So a big list of stuff including things like chickenpox and other vaccines. 

It's hard going to a place like the cancer center of the Cleveland Clinic and having hair on my head again so I don't look like a "cancer patient;" I see people there who I know are about to be getting chemo or are just finding out their lives are basically ruined... I don't know. I feel so lucky, but it also makes me realize so much that you really don't know what people are going through in their lives overall which is why you just can't be an *** to anybody in your daily life (I don't mean me... you can be an *** to me :kiss: lol just speaking generally). The lady who accessed my port before I was administered my drug was asking which arm I wanted my IV in before I told her I had a port and she was surprised I had one maybe because I have hair again and don't look that "cancer-y." I guess it's just funny to me how much your appearance as the classic gaunt and pale faced no-hair cancer patient differs from somebody who is doing overall better, but still getting treatment.  Don't get me wrong... it's so much better looking "normal" again. You definitely don't get the looks being out anymore like I did especially after being released from my transplant.

Anyhow, life can be shitty sometimes, but it can also be pretty dang good overall sometimes. I've had some crap stuff happen to me, but way way more good things overall in my life so I find the phrase "I can't complain" to be pretty fitting.


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## SG Hall (Sep 21, 2016)

That's great news Martin, thanks for the update. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Keep improving bro.


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## firsttothescene (Sep 21, 2016)

God be with you.


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## Roger Sully (Sep 21, 2016)

So glad to hear you're doing good there Martin!


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## KITROBASKIN (Sep 21, 2016)

Grateful for the update


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## ven (Sep 22, 2016)

Fantastic news Martin :twothumbs


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## martinaee (Sep 22, 2016)

Thanks everyone!


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## RBR (Oct 7, 2016)

.....


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## lightlover (Oct 19, 2016)

*Ven *and *martinaee*,

Thank you for your thoughts. Yes, my S/O, Mary seems to have overcome it. 
GO FIGURE??

*martinaee*, even though it's all (my experience) at second-hand, I have some idea of how tough things are/were for you. 
Thankfully, it's all over except the anxiety? I hope so ... 

*RBR,*
Excuse me if I read it wrong, but are you back to 100% now?

*Here's Hoping For All Of Us !!*


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## ven (Oct 20, 2016)

Well done Mary and lightlover, maybe the most difficult part of life, challenging beyond what most can imagine and come out the other side stronger. 

Warriors are not just on the battlefield


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## RBR (Oct 20, 2016)

*.....*


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## RBR (Mar 10, 2017)

.....


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## martinaee (Mar 18, 2017)

Hey RBR and all! Good to hear you're doing pretty well. I'm doing pretty swell overall. I've actually been enjoying life for the most part and taking it easy. I'm still going through "maintenance chemo" and will for the next year or so every 6 weeks, but its a specialized targeted immunotherapy drug and not the super harsh main cytotoxic chemos that trash your body--- you know "chemo" lol. This drug makes me really tired for a few days, but overall it's not that bad. I'm getting it every 6 weeks now instead of 4 in order to maybe alleviate some of the effects. So glad our insurance is still covering it mostly... I know the insurance doesn't actually pay the list price of everything straight up, but all my treatment costs over the past several years are astronomical... Holy hell I'm so lucky to have the treatment I've received considering I live in the USA where good health care most certainly isn't a basic human right ... ;\

Of course I worry about things and the future, but as you know you just can't let yourself do that too much and have to keep on going no matter what  But yeah, things are going pretty well! I've been slowly trying to get back to doing things I love and am so glad we're going to be getting into spring soon here in Ohio! 

Best wishes to you and everyone else!


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## RBR (Mar 18, 2017)

.....


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## HighlanderNorth (Mar 21, 2017)

I quit smoking in August of 2012. In the spring of 2013, I spoke with my aunt Dina in Florida and told her about the refillable ecigarettes that had helped me quit, and hoped that she would try them and hopefully quit her long habit of smoking. In 2014 she told me she'd used ecigs and managed to quit smoking. I felt like I had helped.

About 6 weeks ago, I get a call from my mother, who was visiting them in Fl. She told me that my aunt had experienced a "spell" where she had walked into the kitchen, and basically lost mental track of what was going on. My uncle found her standing there staring blankly, and took her to the hospital. Keep in mind, I just had another aunt die a few years ago after suffering through Alzheimer's. So that's what I assumed was wrong with Dina.

But they took her to the hospital, and after a couple days of awaiting test results, they had found 'spots' on her lung and her brain. Within 2 weeks of this sudden spell she suffered, she had lost much of her short term memory, and about 1-2 weeks later they found a whole bunch of new tumors in her lungs and brain. 

As of last week she was finished with her radiation treatment, but she is now hospitalized and they have decided to forgo the chemotherapy they had planned. She doesn't seem to even be communicating verbally anymore either. It took just 5 weeks to get from no symptoms and seemingly healthy, to hospitalized and unable to communicate. I haven't even mentioned the list of other health related issues that have also begun plaguing her since this began, but it's not good. 

Several years ago, I had a client in his early 80s who had never smoked and was a retired doctor. He came down with lung cancer. He went through treatment and seemingly became healthy again as the cancer subsided. Everyone thought he was fine. Then about a year later his tests showed it was returning. They said the earlier treatment that had been effective wouldn't work or just couldn't be used again(???) So from that time period, he went from looking healthy to losing huge amounts of weight and had literally become completely unresponsive verbally, and looked like a skeleton. That was just maybe 3 weeks after he was told the cancer had returned. He died about 2 days later. 

Its absolutely stunning that "they" haven't been able to do more to help cancer victims.


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## RBR (Feb 13, 2018)

.....


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## ven (Feb 13, 2018)

Fantastic RBR:rock:

Hope your doing good martin.

Lightlover to, not seen much of you on here, hope all is good your way.


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## vadimax (Feb 13, 2018)

I wish you luck, RBR. Most likely you will be OK. A couple of months ago I have discovered that there is some sort of “small cell” cancer does exist — two men known to me just faded out in no time... They even had no option to fight, doctors told them that treatment will do nothing — just extend the agony.

So, if you may fight and live a normal life, you win. I wish you strength and positive, optimistic perception of life  Remember those two who had nothing, but to try to go with dignity. My wife just returned from the funeral...


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## martinaee (Feb 20, 2018)

OMG that's great to hear RBR!  Are you still going through treatment at all? I know there is no definitive total cure, but everyday not having to go through total hell is great. I'm doing pretty well overall too and hopefully in a few more months will be "finished" with my long term treatments for good I hope. Best wishes to everyone else on this thread too who has been or is going through unfortunate stuff like this!


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## ven (Feb 20, 2018)

:twothumbs


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## RBR (Feb 20, 2018)

.....


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## IlluminationDomination (Feb 20, 2018)

God bless Martinae. RBR and others who may be fighting cancer. Keep the positive attitude and faith.:thumbsup:

Sadly, not everyone makes it. My best friend Joe is dying from pancreatic cancer. Amazingly he has had it almost 4 years. From what I have seen and been told the average person succumbs to the insidious disease in 1 or 2 years

Joe is a fighter and still living life, even though he is on hospice. 10 months ago he was 210 pounds,now is 135 pounds,it is so sad, he is so thin.

Like I said he lives each day to the fullest. Tomorrow we are playing frisbee Golf which he enjoys. I do not know how much strength he has but we will have fun no matter what.

Reality sucks sometimes. Especially when the people we love and care about are not fortunate to be a survivor.

There are many good stories and those are the ones that we should focus on to give all of us strength. One of which is my friend Louise who is a breast cancer survivor. It has been over 5 years now.It is amazing how it changed her in a positive way. She is a different person with a different outlook on life.

It is not what happens in our life that is important. It is how we react to what happens.

Keep the faith, keep the positive attitude and miracles can and do happen.


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## RBR (Apr 12, 2018)

.....


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## Taz80 (Apr 14, 2018)

That's good to hear RBR. I've been clean for 19 years now, it's easy for me to keep track because my son was five weeks old when I went under the knife. Even after 19 years I still get nervous when its time for the doctor's visit. It's important to try and keep a positive attitude, it helps to be with people who are positive and fun and treat you normally. Try to stay away from downers.


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## RBR (Mar 2, 2020)

.....


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## ven (Mar 2, 2020)

Thats just awesome RBR, it can not get better than that. :twothumbs:rock::rock::rock:


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## Chauncey Gardiner (Mar 3, 2020)

The Lovely Mrs. Gardiner and I are at the tail-end of three years of her cancer. 




All our best to fellow cancer fighters n survivors.


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## martinaee (Mar 3, 2020)

Fantastic! Much love to you all and everyone  <3


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## RBR (Mar 14, 2020)

.....


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## RedLED (Mar 14, 2020)

RBR,

Great news!


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## sgt253 (Mar 14, 2020)

Awesome to hear! Bless you all!


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## harro (Mar 14, 2020)

Hi all, sincere best wishes and regards to Cancer sufferers and carers and their families/friends.

I was diagnosed with a soft tissue/bone cancer called Leio Mio Sarcoma ( henceforth LMS ) about 12 months ago. Its a very rare cancer, and its total number of diagnosed cases are made up of approximately 80% women and 20% men. In Australia, diagnosed cases number less than 100. LMS is a very nasty cancer, but its also a very slow moving cancer. In my case, I started to find that sitting and squatting were becoming uncomfortable for me. A nagging discomfort in my groin that just wouldn't quit. So, under extreme pressure and duress from Mrs harro, off I went, to my family GP. After prodding and poking of the area in question, I was sent for an Ultrasound IMMEDIATELY. The U/S tech played around an area in my right side groin for quite some time. He said, ' Mike, don't go anywhere ( i'm on the table starkers, well, a tee shirt on anyway ), i'll be back in a sec.' He returned with the duty radiologist and together, they spent quite a bit of time looking at a certain area of my groin. After what seemed an eternity, the radiologist said to me, ' see that egg shaped thing there Mike, that shouldn't be there '. What followed was a torrent of feelings and emotion, washing over me, that has to be experienced to be believed. Well, Scanfest '19 ensued, with biopsies, more ultrasounds, several CT scans, two MRI's and a Petscan. The decision to remove the tumor ( now identified as a 6.3 CM malignant LMS non-metastasized tumor ) was made. I was just along for the ride!! Normally, a course of radiation treatment would be undertaken prior to the surgery, but it was deemed more important to remove the tumor first, in my case.
Duly removed, I was referred to a surgical oncologist, a surgical urologist and a reconstructive surgeon. First step was a five week course of high dose radiation in the affected area to reduce the size of the scar tissue area ( from the tumor removal ). Yet more scans followed, proving inconclusive. By this stage, its nearing Xmas '19, and to say you felt yourself to be in limbo, would be an understatement. Next to come ( late Jan '20 ) was clearance margins surgery, normally done at the first surgery, but due to the urgency and location, was not done. My surgery consisted of clear margin work, and reconstructive surgery, for a total of about 9 hours under general anesthetic. The reconstructive work included taking a flap of skin from my leg, still with its own blood supply attatched, moving it up to my thigh, then tunneling it through the flesh of my upper leg, to the groin. Once there, it was attatched and so on and so forth. I was 8 days in hospital, the first 4 of which were flat on my back and prohibited from any movement whatsoever. The following days were learning to walk, toilet, shower etc, and just generally get mobile again. On the eve of my discharge from hospital, my surgical oncologist, Rob, walked into my room with a sheaf of papers in his hand. In those couple of seconds from him entering, to standing by the bedside, my life literally flashed before my eyes!! This was the results of the pathology from the surgery. Honestly, I didn't want to know, at that point. To say I was pooping bricks would be a gross understatement!! He looked at me and said ' of the four layers of skin/flesh removed, the first with the scar tissue showed a 5mmsq. patch of disease, the following three layers were totally clear '. At that point I was numb all over and my eyes succumbed to the onion fumes from onions someone was cutting up somewhere nearby. Rob was just smiling. He said, ' I thought that might make your day '. The following day I was released from hospital, to begin four weeks of home recovery. I have had a Petscan and CT scan since, and they showed me to be cancer free. I am now starting the five year checks ( as RBR has just finished, biggest congrats mate ), four six monthly checkups, then three, yearly checks. I cant say yet i'm out of the woods, but I sure as heck can say I can see the edge of them pretty clearly.

During the last twelve months, I would have been TOTALLY LOST without the invaluable love and support of my immediate family ( Mrs harro and son Tom ), family and friends. NEVER TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED. I would not have coped on my own. I have learnt a totally new set of life priorities, things I thought were important seem so trivial now. My friends support has been so important to me. Everyone has been so supportive. Really, I have just been along for the ride, on this journey. So many people have worked tirelessly for my wellbeing, and that's something for which, I will be eternally grateful. It is a debt I can never repay. I feel as lucky as if I had won a major lotto prize.

I can however, sympathise firsthand with anyone newly diagnosed with cancer, and my PM box is always open for someone/their carers to discuss what they are going through, if they so desired.

The facts of life are, not everyone will have an outcome like mine, and for those people, you have nothing but best wishes and hope and thoughts and prayers.

This pic is a couple of days post surgery, and of the skin donor site. No pics of the groin area. Note the purple sharpie markings, I think the surgeons played tic tac toe on my leg while I was under.






Same site, five and a half weeks post surgery, the TM16GT for a bit of scale,





The skin receiving site is doing as well as the donor site is.


Cheers from Downunder,
Mike.


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## martinaee (May 24, 2020)

Harro, that's incredibly intense and you're super brave to go through an immediate surgery like. I know how absolutely mind-******* it is to be told such hard and intense news and then immediately be pushed into action to tackle it. It sounds like you are doing pretty well all things considered? I guess you've been tackling this for a bit already, but let me know if you want to discuss anything in particular. All cancers are very different yet have in common a lot of the same experiences. Keep that light of yours shining!!!


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