# You know you are a machinist when ...



## precisionworks (Jan 19, 2012)

You know you are a machinist when:

*It's dark when you drive to and drive home from work

*Conversations with fellow workers often begin
with "Please put the gun down and then we can talk"

*You see a well dressed person and you know he is a visitor

*Boss hires Dr Kevorkian as personnel consultant

*You've worked at the same machine 4 years and worked for 3 different companies

*Your supervisor hasn't the ability to do your job

*Rumors, Rumors, Rumors

*In his life, will eat own weight in Slim Jims

*Weekends are those days your wife makes you stay home

*Guard at guard shack nervously fingers his revolver when you pass by

*After your hands become coated with coolant
your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee

*Employee discount days discontinued at Ammo Attic

* Dream vacation is a room full of fluorescent lights and unlimited supply of coffee

*You get excited about a 3% raise

*Too many decisions are measured with a micrometer, marked with chalk, and cut with an axe

*What do CNC Programmers use for birth control? Their personalities

*A train stops at a train station ... A bus stops at a bus station ... My desk is a workstation

*Applying machining technology means finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw

*Management: We don't really understand the problem so lets give it to the programmers

*Christmas is like a day at the shop. You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit

*Turnover is good for the company, as it proves that we are doing a good job in training people. 

*I've bored this twice and it's still too big

*Pound it flat. File to fit. Paint to cover.

*We are all going to continue having these meetings until I find out why no work is getting done

*A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt

*Engineering - Drill ten holes then re-weld five

*After a large number of decimal places, who cares

*This time it will surely run

*Around here we do precision guesswork

*Take my advice, I'm not using it

*It works! Now if I can only remember what I did

*Oh no! not another learning experience

*Beatings will continue until morale improves

* Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand

*When in doubt use a bigger hammer

*Make it right before you make it faster

*Deliver yesterday, post today, think tomorrow

*He is slower than our accounts payable

*I try to do one day at a time but sometimes several attack me at once

*Pride, Commitment, Teamwork - words we use to get you to work for free

*I don't believe in miracles, I rely on them

**You never really learn to swear until you get a CNC Machine*


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## kuksul08 (Jan 19, 2012)

Those are good 

"*After your hands become coated with coolant
your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee" 

This is so true.


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## KC2IXE (Jan 19, 2012)

Remember, a machinist washes his hands BEFORE using the bathroom, an engineer after...


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## Th232 (Jan 19, 2012)

Love these!



precisionworks said:


> *When in doubt use a bigger hammer



This one works more often than people expect. And fails more spectacularly than you expect...



precisionworks said:


> *precision guesswork



I think you've found a new slogan for your company?


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## precisionworks (Jan 19, 2012)

> I think you've found a new slogan for your company?


LOL 

Wouldn't that inspire confidence? A customer stopped by to check on his parts being machined & they were spread out here & there. "Are those parts safe in here" he asked. Without looking up I said "They're as safe in here as they'd be in the middle of Main Street."

Didn't even hear him leave:nana:


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## gadget_lover (Jan 19, 2012)

when....

... you know what aircraft aluminum isn't.

...You decide to make a part that only cost a dollar, and use $3000 in tools to do it.

...You have to decide between buying a screw, making a screw, tapping the hole to fit a screw you have, welding it or pinning the damn thing in place.

...and you have the tools to do all of the above.

...Your co-worker brings in an RC car with a busted wheel and asks if you can fix it. And you can.

...you make a tool to make a tool to alter a tool to.. What was I going to fix????


I are a machinist. Not a good, one but that's OK.

Daniel


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## Th232 (Jan 20, 2012)

gadget_lover said:


> ...You decide to make a part that only cost a dollar, and use $3000 in tools to do it.



*sheepishly raises hand*

Reminds me of the time we used a $35K laser to etch a pattern on someone's iPod. Or used said laser to play music...


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## wquiles (Jan 20, 2012)

Th232 said:


> *sheepishly raises hand*


Yup, me too :devil:




precisionworks said:


> *Oh no! not another learning experience


Being that I am still a beguiner machininst, this happens too often


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## moderator007 (Jan 20, 2012)

"*I don't care* who ya are, *that's funny* right there"


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## fyrstormer (Jan 20, 2012)

Most of them ring true, but I don't get the jokes involving guns. Explain?


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## gadget_lover (Jan 20, 2012)

I'm not the OP, but I suspect that as it was copied from forum to forum it was once on a forum for gun shop owners.


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## fyrstormer (Jan 20, 2012)

I'm just confused why people would get nervous and/or trigger-happy around machinists. I used to hang out with a machinist in my office park at my old job. I used to bore him to tears talking about my experimental titanium lubes, but he was definitely a good source of knowledge and a good guy all around. Never once wanted to shoot him.


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## Maglin (Jan 21, 2012)

A lot of machine operators I know have guns in their boxes. And half of them are tinkers on guns but I wouldn't call them gun smiths or machinist. I've only known a few people that can be actually classified as a machinist, but most moved on to mechanical engineers or tool and die makers by the time I meet them.

I'm Air Force and some of my favorits that I use around the shop are:

"The beatings will persist until moral improves"
and 
"If it ain't broke, fix it till it is"


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## OCD (Jan 21, 2012)

......when you drill a hole in the wrong place and you simply put a sticker next to it that says "oil daily" knowing no one will ever see it!


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## Al Combs (Jan 21, 2012)

fyrstormer said:


> Most of them ring true, but I don't get the jokes involving guns. Explain?


I agree with Daniel about a gun forum being the possible source. My take was the guard wondered if his piece being repaired by an amateur gunsmith still worked. Not that he was thinking of shooting him.

I'm not a machinist but I had to laugh about the one "After your hands become coated with coolant your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee". I thought it was just me.


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## fyrstormer (Jan 21, 2012)

Gardeners have the same problem, I'm told. That's what nitrile gloves are for.


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## Th232 (Jan 21, 2012)

fyrstormer said:


> That's what nitrile gloves are for.



Combining gloves with mills or lathes? :S


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## darkzero (Jan 22, 2012)

OCD said:


> ......when you drill a hole in the wrong place and you simply put a sticker next to it that says "oil daily" knowing no one will ever see it!



:laughing:

I need those stickers that say "insert batteries here" for the larger holes!





Th232 said:


> Combining gloves with mills or lathes? :S



I personally will not wear gloves when using any power tool (long before I got into machining) except for maybe impact guns, air ratchets, & air hammers.

I remember my food always did taste different when I worked in automotive. Who needs sweetener when you can have anti-freeze.


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## fyrstormer (Jan 23, 2012)

Th232 said:


> Combining gloves with mills or lathes? :S


Nitrile gloves are very thin and sheer, like the gloves your doctor uses during exams. Assuming you use ones that actually fit and don't have loose bubbles around your fingertips, they would present no more danger of pulling your hand into a machine than your own skin already presents. I can't remember where I saw them, but I did see some once that were specifically made with breakaway points around each fingertip, so the gloves would tear even more easily than normal under tension if they got caught.

Speaking of automotive applications, all the mechanics I see nowadays wear nitrile gloves to protect their skin from solvents. Can't say I blame them; it's got to be a hell of a health hazard working around gasoline and antifreeze and old motor oil and degreaser all day. I've started using gloves when I have to degrease things too, because I've decided maybe I'm not going to live forever after all, and maybe I shouldn't hasten the inevitable.


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## Al Combs (Jan 23, 2012)

fyrstormer said:


> Assuming you use ones that actually fit and don't have loose bubbles around your fingertips, they would present no more danger of pulling your hand into a machine than your own skin already presents


I have to disagree with you on that. The surface friction of Nitrile isn't anything like human skin. The palm of your hand might brush against a spinning chuck with no ill effects. Not that that would ever be a good idea. But if you were wearing Nitrile gloves and that happened, you'd very likely break your wrist or worse under the right (wrong) conditions. The same as wearing a long sleeve Polo shirt. It doesn't have to be flopping around to be dangerous.


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## PEU (Jan 23, 2012)

... when you have vertigo while watching the initial rapid Z movement to Z1 (1mm above the piece top) on your CNC machine 


Pablo


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## Th232 (Jan 23, 2012)

fyrstormer said:


> Nitrile gloves are very thin and sheer, like the gloves your doctor uses during exams. Assuming you use ones that actually fit and don't have loose bubbles around your fingertips, they would present no more danger of pulling your hand into a machine than your own skin already presents. I can't remember where I saw them, but I did see some once that were specifically made with breakaway points around each fingertip, so the gloves would tear even more easily than normal under tension if they got caught.



I know what those gloves are like, I've used gloves like that most days in the biomed lab I work/study in. As Al has said though, nitrile has a much higher coefficient of friction than skin does, it's still not a good idea. It's also a lot more elastic than skin is, making it easier for things to catch on it. I've slid the palm of my hand over the corners of various objects (tables, equipment, microscope slides) and while my bare hand doesn't catch, gloves (nitrile and latex) have both caught regardless of how well fitted they were. Naturally tighter gloves were better than the looser ones, but they still caught. If you're working on automotive stuff where you aren't around moving equipment, I'm fine with that, but not with any fast moving equipment.

Wouldn't mind a link to the gloves with breakaway points though, I've never seen those and all I can find are safety stores where breakaway chains, vests and so on are listed on the same page. With those though, what happens if it's not your fingertips that get caught on the equipment? (e.g. the aforementioned example with corners)


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## fyrstormer (Jan 24, 2012)

Yeah, I can't remember where I saw the breakaway-fingertip gloves anymore, and I'm not having any luck finding them. I have to wonder, though, how much the coefficient of friction changes when the gloves are covered with cutting coolant. (that _was_ the original scenario I suggested their use in.) I'm going to guess it's pretty significant since glycols are rather slippery, and sheer gloves usually don't have "fingerprints" to enhance wet-surface grip.

EDIT: It seems I'm remembering wrong anyway, nitrile is too strong. Other machinist forums suggest wearing talc-dusted latex gloves if anything, because they break much more easily and the talc provides lubrication to let the glove be pulled off if it gets caught in something spinning.


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## PEU (Jan 24, 2012)

... when you try to guess by the eye if that screw you are looking for is M3 or 1/8 


Pablo


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## kuksul08 (Jan 26, 2012)

When all your clothes smell like gear oil


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## Bruceter (Jan 27, 2012)

You know what the new mil spec "MIL TFP-41" is.

Bruceter


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## precisionworks (Jan 28, 2012)

Bruceter said:


> You know what the new mil spec "MIL TFP-41" is.
> 
> Bruceter


ROFLMAO :nana:

Translation of MIL TFP-41 is


> Make it Like the Freaking Print For Once.


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## KC2IXE (Jan 28, 2012)

That's not new, been around at least 25 years...


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## PEU (Jan 28, 2012)

KC2IXE said:


> That's not new, been around at least 25 years...



but... it's new to me


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## Bruceter (Jan 31, 2012)

You have a coffee cup that says "GD&T spoken here".
You watch something like "How its made" and comment on/correct the narrator on every machining operation you see.

Bruceter


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## sawlight (Jan 31, 2012)

Sites acting funny tonight, sorry!


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## sawlight (Jan 31, 2012)

You turn the feed rate to nothing and crank down the rapid first part in the morning so you don't spill your coffee out of fear!

You can be running the drill press and hit the E-stop button without even turning around.

You know the SOP is to run like Hell if that chunk of titanium on your mill catches on fire.

You don't even ask what the white five gallon bucket the boss just set down at your work station, you know you get to play with mag next!

You can tell the difference between 60, 70 and 80 series alum just buy looking at the shade of gray it is.

You keep a tool holder at your station loaded with a carbide endmill to clean up the titanium that got work hardned because the boss wants to use high speed steel to save a buck.

You wear gloves when grinding on titanium to keep from burning your hands, again!

You can have a conversation in G and M codes.

Your hands are softer than your wife's because the oil from running the hone all week has softened up your calluses.

The guy in the tool crib takes you out to lunch for sending the new guy to him for a can of "hole shrink", they like to laugh to!

"We've scraped this part out for the last three years, we think the program is wrong, the fixture might be wrong, we only have one part and you have two days to get it right, good luck!"

You can make a flat bottom tap out of a standard tap with a bench grinder and five min.

More than once you've stumped an "engineer" with "is this the thread depth or the hole depth on this print?"

You don't even grovel anymore when you get a CATIA drawing and have to back figure all the dimensions for your part.

You enjoy scaring the new guy buy using sticky back tape on the vise to mill down some thin plate.


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## precisionworks (Feb 1, 2012)

sawlight said:


> You turn the feed rate to nothing and crank down the rapid first part in the morning so you don't spill your coffee out of fear!
> 
> You can be running the drill press and hit the E-stop button without even turning around.
> 
> ...



ROFLAMO:nana:

Those are great. Especially the reference to CATIA, the favorite program used by (thank Goodness) only one of my customers. For just a few bucks more he could use Alibre but he still has the first dollar he ever earned ... 60 years ago


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## Bruceter (Feb 1, 2012)

I had a new guy in the shop convinced for about a week that the way to tell the difference between a HSS and a carbide end mill was by smell.

Bruceter


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## sawlight (Feb 1, 2012)

I guess being around aircraft all my life nothing much phases me. CATIA is favored by Cessna and Boeing/Spirit. One shop I worked at specialized in "quick and dirty offload" work. The truck showed up at 9am, we would sit down at the break table, write out a program, get a first article and have the batch on the truck at 4:30pm that afternoon. I learned a LOT about programming, the fast and hard way there! Pretty neat gig until they got bought out.
But I love the parts pulled off a datum point 765"s away from the leading edge of your part! "Well, we've learned if we make the entire airplane off of one datum point we can make all the parts with +/-.020 and it will go together!" RIIIIIGHT!!

If you speak in thousands and tenths! As in, 2.04" +/-.010, IS, two inches forty plus or minus ten. And .1875" +/- .0002, IS one eighty seven and a half, plus or minus two tenths.


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## nbp (Feb 3, 2012)

PEU said:


> ... when you have vertigo while watching the initial rapid Z movement to Z1 (1mm above the piece top) on your CNC machine
> 
> 
> Pablo





....when you know what words like that mean.


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## precisionworks (Feb 3, 2012)

You get more excited seeing a new Mazak HMC than anything else  Yes, it does make my wife wonder.







7-axis, 50hp main spindle, 50hp milling spindle, NC steady, etc. A brand new one just moved in today, less than 5 miles away. Only 1,500,000 reasons I can't have one 

http://www.techspex.com/techspex/turning_centers/model?turning_id=4459


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## Toaster79 (Feb 4, 2012)

I'd kill for a job on this one :devil:

We bought this one in December 





Taiwanese 3-axis crap!


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## gadget_lover (Feb 4, 2012)

You know you're a machinist when you look at the picture above and your eye is drawn to the plumbing parts. 

Then you start to figure out how you can make it without a 1.5 million dollar HMC. 

Then you realize you have what's needed to make it in the garage.

Dan


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## precisionworks (Feb 4, 2012)

> you realize you have what's needed to make it in the garage.


You obviously have a better equipped garage than I do :nana:


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## gadget_lover (Feb 4, 2012)

OMG... That can not be true. Better equipped than BARRY???? Wait a second. You have your stuff in a real shop! No wonder your garage is under supplied.

But that leads me to the next thought.

I have 2 mills. 2 lathes. 2 belt sanders. 5 hand drills. 2 rotabs. 2 metal band saws and 1 wood band saw. 3 circular saws. 3 angle grinders. 2 welders (one oxy - MAPP, one MIG), 5 dremels. 4 vises. 4 sets of collets.... 

I'm not really a machinist but I have lots of machines. And I can make that part. 

Daniel


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## StrikerDown (Feb 4, 2012)

precisionworks said:


> You obviously have a better equipped garage than I do :nana:



His garage may be better equipped than yours but you keep your machines in your shop! :naughty:


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