# My Tragic Loss



## 5.0Trunk (Sep 5, 2009)

I have suffered a tragic loss yesterday, my wife of 23 years, my love, my best friend and the mother of my 2 beautiful kids, Korey 13 and Jimmy 9. Plese see my meroial page I have set up on facebook.

In Loving Memory of Deirdre A. Duke. 

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/group.php?gid=127553349370&ref=mf

I am still in shock as is my kids and family and friends.

Thanks You for letting me share with you.


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## smokinbasser (Sep 5, 2009)

My most sincere condolences on the loss of your wife and the mother of your children.


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## jtr1962 (Sep 5, 2009)

My sincerest condolences to you on this terrible loss.  I feel badly for you, having lost your loving companion, and for your two children, who are now without their mother.


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## Kiessling (Sep 5, 2009)

There are some tragedies that just should never happen. I am terribly sorry


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## Patriot (Sep 5, 2009)

I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. I'm so very sorry. 

I'm sending my prayers to you, your children and extended family.


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## saabgoblin (Sep 5, 2009)

My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## [email protected] (Sep 5, 2009)




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## greenLED (Sep 5, 2009)

Our thoughts are with your family. :candle:


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## csshih (Sep 5, 2009)

extremely sorry to hear of your loss... 

it's at these moments that I never know what to say.. 

... my heart goes out to you and your family.


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## TKC (Sep 5, 2009)

*OMG!!! I deeply, deeply sorry for your loss!! I can not even begin to imagine how you feel. I am sending you lots of love & prayers. May you and your kids find peace.*


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## AFAustin (Sep 5, 2009)

5.0Trunk,

Please let me add my sincerest sympathies for your terrible loss.

All your friends here will have you and your children in our thoughts.

Andrew


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## Vesper (Sep 5, 2009)

Sorry to see this. Best thoughts and prayers to you and your kids.


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## MarNav1 (Sep 5, 2009)

+1 to all the above.


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## Black Rose (Sep 5, 2009)

My sincerest condolences Bill.


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## munkybiz_9881 (Sep 5, 2009)

Many thoughts and prayers sent to you my friend:candle:


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## Diesel_Bomber (Sep 5, 2009)

Damn dude..............not very good at praying but I'll sure do my best for you and yours tonight.


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## sledhead (Sep 5, 2009)

Very sorry for your loss- Thoughts and prayers to you and your children.


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## roguesw (Sep 5, 2009)

Sorry for your loss, our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.


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## DimeRazorback (Sep 5, 2009)

My greatest condolences.

Sorry for your loss.


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## Beamhead (Sep 5, 2009)

Our sincerest condolences and prayers.:candle:


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## RAGE CAGE (Sep 5, 2009)

In the arms of the Angels- may you find some comfort here.


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## Roberts30 (Sep 5, 2009)

Our prayers go out to you and your family, terribly sorry to hear of your loss, no one shoud ever have to go through this


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## Monocrom (Sep 5, 2009)

Very sorry for your lose. Can't even imagine what that must be like. Very sorry.


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## daloosh (Sep 6, 2009)

I am so very sorry, prayers out for all your family and friends. I was really touched by the beautiful things said about your wife at FB.
daloosh


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## Search (Sep 6, 2009)

RIP Deirdre..

I wish you ease in what lies ahead. While it's not easy, I have no doubt she will be watching you and your family and patiently waiting to rejoin with her family.

In due time, in due time.


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## moses (Sep 6, 2009)

Than you for the privilege of sharing your loss, albeit in a small way. Truly your loss must be staggering to you and your children. 

Praying for you now.

Blessings,
Moses


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## csshih (Sep 6, 2009)

here is a link to the facebook memorial, by the way:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/group.php?gid=127553349370&ref=mf


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## LightWalker (Sep 6, 2009)

I am sorry to hear of your loss. My prayers are with you.



David encouraged himself in the LORD his God. 1 Samuel 30:6


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## TONY M (Sep 6, 2009)

So sorry to hear this, my deepest condolences to you and your family. 

I can only imagine what you are going through.

Tony


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## frosty (Sep 6, 2009)

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and yours.


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## ducat (Sep 6, 2009)

Our prayers are with you. God bless.


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## Greatwhite (Sep 6, 2009)

My most sincere condolences on the loss of your wife. We will hold you and your children in our prayers.


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## Twinkle-Plank (Sep 6, 2009)

I feel for you loss and you and your family will be in my prayers.

May I ask what happend.


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## warx23 (Sep 6, 2009)

Im so very sorry for your loss.


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## ZMZ67 (Sep 6, 2009)

You have my sincere condolences, so sorry to hear of your terrible loss!


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## 1wrx7 (Sep 6, 2009)

My thoughts are with you:grouphug: The circle of life always ends in heartache... I just hope in your darkest hours you remember the years of love instead of the pain.


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## will (Sep 6, 2009)

How sad - my thoughts are with you..


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## Patriot (Sep 6, 2009)

Seeing those pictures of your beautiful family was heart wrenching and caused me to weep this morning. I'll be continuing to ask in prayer that the Lord would bring you strength and in time restoration. I'm so sorry for what you're having to endure.


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## tiktok 22 (Sep 6, 2009)

God bless my friend...our prayers are with you.
When I have something like this happen, I remember these words:

"Don't sorrow for what you lost but rejoice in the time that was given to you."


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## Sigman (Sep 7, 2009)

I'm so sorry to hear this, *know* you're all in our thoughts & prayers.


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## sami_voodoo (Sep 7, 2009)

Please accept my deepest and sincerest condolences.


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## xeonsaga88 (Sep 7, 2009)

My greatest condolences.

Sorry for your loss. :mecry:


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## brucec (Sep 7, 2009)

My condolences for your loss. It looks like she had a wonderful life full of love eternal.


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## dealgrabber2002 (Sep 8, 2009)

My deepest condolences. In this great cpf community... Your loss is our loss. Please take care of yourself and your children. They need you.


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## houtex (Sep 9, 2009)

so sorry


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## jeeves (Sep 9, 2009)

I read the thread title and thought/hoped it had been named in jest. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. As are my sincere condolences.


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## angelofwar (Sep 9, 2009)

I can't begin to imagine how you must feel...just the thought of it makes me weak in the knees...God Bless, and hang in there 5.0...for Her and your kiddo's sake! (A Silent Prayer...)


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## flashfan (Sep 10, 2009)

Thank you for sharing the photos. You have such a beautiful, young family. How heartbreaking this must be for all of you. Condolences on your loss, and may wonderful memories help sustain you and your loved ones.


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## kramer5150 (Sep 10, 2009)

You, your children and loved ones have my condolences.


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## Raoul_Duke (Sep 10, 2009)

So Sorry for you and your family's unimaginable loss.


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## Oddjob (Sep 10, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. My prayers go out to you and your family.


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## jayflash (Sep 11, 2009)

5.0 Trunk, I can't think of anything worse than losing a close family member or friend. Hopefully sharing your grief will, in a small way, help you. I'm so sorry.


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## Prat (Sep 12, 2009)

Yikes...so sorry to hear this Trunk. :sigh: My sincerest condolences. 

I lost my mom when I was 20 to ovarian cancer (she was only 51) so I know _some _of what you are going through (loss like this is different for each person and each situation of course). 

All I can tell you is that with time it gets better and easier, and I have for many years now (12 years after the fact this Thanksgiving--yes, she died on Thanksgiving Day!) focused on the good times she and we (my family--dad and sister and her) DID have and look at her death and my and my families loss in this way:

She got to do everything she wanted in life and had a good healthy (emotionally, physically, and lifestyle wise) life until she did die, and my family was lucky enough to enjoy her as a very loving and giving wife and mother for so many years. So many millions of people will never have any of this. In this way she (and we) was/is truly fortunate, even if ultimately her life was taken too soon from her.

This comforts me greatly at least (I'm not telling you how to grieve of course, just telling you what worked for me, as much as anything can).

That said, my father was a wreck for years afterwards (this was his one true love, he had known my mom since he was 19), never sleeping more than 4/5 hours a night and dragging himself to work, BUT he got better. He found that books on grief as well as local grief support groups and even re-entering the singles world (at age 53ish) did him a lot of good. He is still single now (at age 62), but had some significant relationships that helped him. He came to realize that HE was not the one who lost his life, that many people were out there in similar circumstances and could and would offer support, and that my mother would of wanted him to be happy. 

Again, just telling you what he did and what he found to help, NOT saying it is right for you. 

But I will admonish you this, and I can't stress it enough: KEEP BUSY! Keep your mind off of your loss (at least after you give yourself proper time to grieve) as much as possible. Re-engage with the world and your life no matter how hard it may be at first. Inactivity is a sure way to depression and pain in this matter (or really at any time), YOU MUST occupy your mind. And do things that you enjoy. You DESERVE to be happy (we all do) and I'm sure your wife would want you to be. 

Also: GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO GRIEVE. DON'T expect to get over your loss within any time frame, much less let ANYONE tell you when you "should be over" your loss, even if they have been through such a loss themselves. Everyone is different with the time it takes for them to properly grieve, and forcing yourself to get over you loss sooner than you should (which isn't rerally possible anyway) can lead to problems down the road. 

However, it is also true that if you are not getting better after some time then something is wrong as well. You should of course set your own grief schedule, but you should also start improving with time. So if you are not better after 3 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years, etc. down the road then something is wrong. At that point (if it happens, I'm betting not) you may want to get professional help. There is nothing at all wrong with this! My dad sought some and even went on antidepressants. Instead of prolonging his misery when other approaches weren't working as well as they should of, he got better (he is off them now but still sees a shrink)! Life is too short to be more miserable than one should be. 

Speaking of shrinks, I sound like one!  Well I'm not, I'm just relating to you my and my families experiences with the loss of a loved one in hopes that it will do some good. But you don't have to (of course) agree with any of this or take anything from it. Remember that it is ultimately YOUR grief and no one else can or should tell you what you should be doing when undergoing such grief. And if they do, then they are not helping but hurting no matter how good their intentions are. 

Take care, hang tough through those dark times (and there will be some, I won't lie), and this will get better with time, that I can almost 100% guarentee you! :twothumbs


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## Ny0ng1 (Sep 12, 2009)

My deepest condolences for you and your family. My prayers with you. I just lost my father 10 days ago so I somewhat know how it feels to loss a loved one. 

Eric


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## 5.0Trunk (Sep 13, 2009)

I want to Thank Everyone for their messages of condolence to my family and I.
I know some have asked what happened and all I can say is that she been suffering with depression and was in pain and decided that she could no longer go on. This was a shock to me and everyone in our family as we had no ideal. She had no ideal haw many peoples lives she has touched.

Thank you.


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## Short and Round (Sep 13, 2009)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


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## Prat (Sep 14, 2009)

5.0Trunk said:


> I want to Thank Everyone for their messages of condolence to my family and I.
> I know some have asked what happened and all I can say is that she been suffering with depression and was in pain and decided that she could no longer go on. This was a shock to me and everyone in our family as we had no ideal. She had no ideal haw many peoples lives she has touched.
> 
> Thank you.



From me, you're welcome; I only hope my long winded post was of _some _help! I've been pretty sick since Thurs. so I know it wasn't the best written lol. But I wanted to share my experiences in an attempt to help, if possible, and I had the time to (being bed and computer ridden all weekend lol, and still sick now!).

On that note, you can PM me if you ever want to talk, especially now that you have shared that depression and subsequent suicide was the reason for her loss of life and your families loss of her. I do not want to go into such things here, but I'm no stranger to depression both personally and from having seen others go through it (like my father and sister after my mom died). I've even seen some hospitalized for it, because they simply shut down and couldn't take care of themselves (like do daily activities, including even eating). So I know it is a serious and complicated matter and mostly misunderstood by many (but that is finally changing) and I would never pass judgment on someone (nor those around that person) suffering from depression or for even ending his/her life. That is purely ignorant, even cruel.

Just know that you WILL get over this, even if that seems impossible now, and that you WILL find joy again in your life and especially the memories of the wonderful person you were so lucky to have shared part of your life with. Your children, even though they will be in pain, will be your strength and joy and a significant motivation to not only carry on, but to find joy again in your life. You can help them, and they will help you through this. And most importantly, think of all you do still have, as hard as that may be, and find happiness in those things. 

I hope again that I have not offended or sounded preachy as I don't mean to, and such sensitive subjects and times can easily lead to misinterpretations of intent and meaning (especially from those you don't even know!). Again, take what you will and leave what you will (including all of it!) from the above, and I wish the best of recoveries for you and your family.


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## geepondy (Sep 14, 2009)

From those of us who have been down that road, we surely understand. I hope she is finally pain free and in a better place and my deepest condolences to you and your family.



5.0Trunk said:


> I want to Thank Everyone for their messages of condolence to my family and I.
> I know some have asked what happened and all I can say is that she been suffering with depression and was in pain and decided that she could no longer go on. This was a shock to me and everyone in our family as we had no ideal. She had no ideal haw many peoples lives she has touched.
> 
> Thank you.


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## Patriot (Sep 15, 2009)

Continuing to lift you and your family up in prayer.


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## ANDREAS FERRARI (Dec 12, 2009)

5.0 Trunk-how have you been holding up? We haven't heard from you in a while.

I want you to know you and your children are still in my prayers.


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## 5.0Trunk (Dec 12, 2009)

ANDREAS FERRARI, 

Thanks for asking about my kids and I. My kids are doing fine, me, I am having a difficult time dealing with it, but trying to stay strong with the kids.
A little update since I originally posted that my wife took her own life. My wife had some health issues, migraines, high blood pressure, she had a hysterectomy almost 2 years ago and she was going through Menopause at her young age. Last year she had surgery to open a valve in her right kidney to help her high blood pressure, which it did, but while they were in there, they found a aneurysm. She had to have it check every 3 months to make sure it wasn't getting bigger. Anyway, my wife got caught up in taking to many prescription medications, and due to insurance coverage for her meds, she started getting them illegally and got caught. She got help and we thought she learned from this, but now that she is gone, we are finding out that she didn't. She started seeing a doctor a month and a half before she died for "medication management", and this doctor prescribed her a strong medicine to help her, and the number one side effect of this drug is suicide tendencies. My wife wasn't depressed like I posted earlier, didn't have any mental illnesses, we believe this drug caused her to do this. No matter how bad my wife felt, I know she would never have left the kids and I.
Anyway, thanks again to everyone here.


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## Roger Sully (Dec 12, 2009)

I never saw this thread until today. I apparently joined after it was posted. My heart goes out to you and your children. If I may suggest, there is a group that my wife and I go to after a loss a few months ago. The website is www.griefshare.org there you can find local groups. It may not be something that you are interested in but I can say that from my own experience it has helped in going through these trying times.
You will be in my prayers.


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## 5.0Trunk (Dec 12, 2009)

Thanks for the link HSG, I will check it out some time soon. I have searched the web since this happened and found a site for suicide survivors, and found suicidegrief.com . I never realized how many other people are going through tragedies like my family. It helps alot to talk to other survivors, and I have posted there and so has my daughter.

Thanks


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## 5.0Trunk (Dec 12, 2009)

Sorry, just had to make another post to get my post count off of 666.


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## Roger Sully (Dec 12, 2009)

Through the link I was able to find the local griefshare group. We go every Monday night and also get together informally. Some of the people on the group have become our closest friends.


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## sbebenelli (Dec 12, 2009)

5.0 Trunk, thanks for updating us with more explanation of what happened. This thread has bothered me since reading it. After looking at the facebook pictures I couldn't understand why. 

I'm very very sorry.


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## 5.0Trunk (Sep 15, 2011)

Just wanted to see how everyone has been, haven't been here for a while. We just past our 2 years since Dee has passed, we are moving on with our lives, but we do miss Dee tremendously. I'll be hanging around a little more..


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## Monocrom (Sep 15, 2011)

It's good to see you back on these boards.


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## LuxLuthor (Sep 15, 2011)

Truly sorry for such a massive loss. I hope you and the kids can somehow get through this. It's going to take a lot of time.


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## cdrake261 (Sep 16, 2011)

Sorry to hear of you and your children loss, I pray for a speedly disclosure for all of those involve.


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## HotWire (Sep 16, 2011)

Welcome back to your friends on CPF. May God comfort and guide you and your children through these trying times.


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## Robocop (Sep 18, 2011)

Welcome back and I hope each day is just a little easier for you and your family. Great photos on your memorial page with many memories of a beautiful person.

I always did like your screen name as I am an old Fox Body Mustang guy myself....hard to keep us Ford men down for long I say.

It is nice to hear from you again and good luck.


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## jac2001 (Sep 18, 2011)

_5.0 Trunk,

May the Lord pour down His Mercy and Love upon you and your children. Our prayers are with you my friend.

J.
_


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