PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
woodrow said:
We all have a need to feel accepted and worthwhile. Some of this has to come from within. If we rely on others to determine our sense of self worth 100% of the time, it's a recipe for a letdown.
Have you ever felt invisible?
- Thread starter EssLight
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We all have a need to feel accepted and worthwhile. Some of this has to come from within. If we rely on others to determine our sense of self worth 100% of the time, it's a recipe for a letdown.
Illum
Flashaholic
Eskimonio said:
sometimes people do detect things, but are usually embarassed to say so knowning that they havent noticed it until some time has passed, usually I'm the one to strike up the subject then [almost] everyone will open up and talk about it....im not that used to changing btw...we're talking wearing two pair of pants and 7 collared shirts of similar color every week for 6 years....
Fallingwater
Flashlight Enthusiast
Well, I did dress all elegant and nice for a party a few weeks ago... which almost never happens, because I don't give much importance to dressing and will usually dress very casually.
I was expecting at least someone to notice... but nobody did.
Then again, they always notice when I shorten my hair or shave...
I was expecting at least someone to notice... but nobody did.
Then again, they always notice when I shorten my hair or shave...
Once upon a time I had a full Hulk Hogan 'stache , after 10 years I got sick of it & shaved it off . No reaction from the wife ???!!! Okay then I shaved my head down to 1/8" (this is removing a 14" pony tail mind you ! ) Three weeks later my wife says "You look younger ...OMG! You're having an affair!!! *Smack!!* " Somedays its just best to be invisable ....
People notice, in the case of hairstyles and beards, they just figure everyone else will mention it, and you'll be sick of hearing about it. They think they'll be the one to act cool and be the the one "normal" person who isn't yammering on about the change...
Of course everyone's thinking the same thing.
When you've got a disability, like a wheelchair or scooter, people have a nasty little loop running in their heads.
"Oh, guy in a wheelchair, three o'clock. Don't be rude, don't stare.
Maybe I should make eye-contact, so he knows I'm acknowledging his personhood, smile, or say "Hi" or something... No. Wait. He's going to think I'm just saying hi because he's in a wheelchair.... Uh, now he's going to think I'm ignoring him because I think he's a freak... No. I should just ignore him equally like everyone else so I'm not making him feel wierd... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I exaggerate obviously, but some semblance of that is flashing through most non-disabled peoples minds for at least a brief second when they see you.
If you can be philosophical about it, you can turn it around into a positive and realize that this happens because the majority of people are decent, and are trying to be decent, and just don't know what to do.
It's hardly comparable to a permanant disability, but in high-school I had a bad bout of Alopecia, (stress, depression, allergies, the doctor didn't know why...) and I got a really odd bald spot, sort of a "Friar Tuck" look that kept growing to about the size of a softball, except it was at a funky angle on the side of my head. I felt the difference, and it was amazing. Everyone was nervous as hell around me, staring, or pointedly not staring... It was only after steroid injections started growing my hair back I learned that everyone thought I had cancer.
Of course everyone's thinking the same thing.
When you've got a disability, like a wheelchair or scooter, people have a nasty little loop running in their heads.
"Oh, guy in a wheelchair, three o'clock. Don't be rude, don't stare.
Maybe I should make eye-contact, so he knows I'm acknowledging his personhood, smile, or say "Hi" or something... No. Wait. He's going to think I'm just saying hi because he's in a wheelchair.... Uh, now he's going to think I'm ignoring him because I think he's a freak... No. I should just ignore him equally like everyone else so I'm not making him feel wierd... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I exaggerate obviously, but some semblance of that is flashing through most non-disabled peoples minds for at least a brief second when they see you.
If you can be philosophical about it, you can turn it around into a positive and realize that this happens because the majority of people are decent, and are trying to be decent, and just don't know what to do.
It's hardly comparable to a permanant disability, but in high-school I had a bad bout of Alopecia, (stress, depression, allergies, the doctor didn't know why...) and I got a really odd bald spot, sort of a "Friar Tuck" look that kept growing to about the size of a softball, except it was at a funky angle on the side of my head. I felt the difference, and it was amazing. Everyone was nervous as hell around me, staring, or pointedly not staring... It was only after steroid injections started growing my hair back I learned that everyone thought I had cancer.
geepondy
Flashlight Enthusiast
People, mostly co-workers, seem to notice when I gain weight but they don't when I lose it!
Nebula
Enlightened
Re: Have you ever felt invisible?
Yes, as a matter of fact I have. Well only a few times cause my head really hurts afterward. Funny how it only happens when I drink Tequila. You know, first comes stage one, "I'm beautiful." Then after a few more shots, stage two hits with "I'm rich." And then after a few more shots stage three shows up with "I'm bullet proof." Finally as you're leaving the bar and your friends urge you to take the bar stool out from under your coat, you reply in true stage four fashion, no worries "I'm invisible." Sorry, couldn't help it.
Yes, as a matter of fact I have. Well only a few times cause my head really hurts afterward. Funny how it only happens when I drink Tequila. You know, first comes stage one, "I'm beautiful." Then after a few more shots, stage two hits with "I'm rich." And then after a few more shots stage three shows up with "I'm bullet proof." Finally as you're leaving the bar and your friends urge you to take the bar stool out from under your coat, you reply in true stage four fashion, no worries "I'm invisible." Sorry, couldn't help it.
eebowler
Flashlight Enthusiast
A girl came to work and was talking funny one day. I looked at her strange and asked what was wrong with her. She had on braces. She has had them on for the past year... Somehow, I didn't notice. Oops!
I started running this year and ran with a guy 2-3 times per week. Last month (11th) I had my first duathalon and was excited about it so much that for at least a month before the race, I changed my running pattern to better prepare for it. Every time I ran with the guy I'd mention the race in some form or fashion. Race day came and went and not once did that *bleep* ask me about it... These days, I don't bother running with him anymore, I run in front of him...
EssLight, I've been in your position too many times before and have grown sick of feeling down when someone (usually those 'close' to me) don't notice something I do or say. What I ask myself these days is: "why should I care if they notice?" and "who am I doing this for?" The most common reason I've concluded why people don't notice something is because they simply don't care about it as much as we do. Kind of like our flashlight obsession: how many people do you know actually care about your flashlight hobby enough to ask you about it? You thought cutting off your facial hair was a big thing, 14 other people apparently didn't think so.
I was lucky enough to find ONE friend who's an exception to the observation I mentioned above. She will ask me about something I like BECAUSE I like it and not because she's actually interested in it. She'll ask because she knows I'll be excited to talk about it... What a gem.
(BTW, she's the girlfriend of the guy I mentioned above.)
Don't do things for people, do it for yourself. If that doesn't work, expect them not to notice and you shouldn't be as dissapointed if they don't. ( I have something else bright to say but can't seem to remember it at the moment... :doh: )
I started running this year and ran with a guy 2-3 times per week. Last month (11th) I had my first duathalon and was excited about it so much that for at least a month before the race, I changed my running pattern to better prepare for it. Every time I ran with the guy I'd mention the race in some form or fashion. Race day came and went and not once did that *bleep* ask me about it... These days, I don't bother running with him anymore, I run in front of him...
EssLight, I've been in your position too many times before and have grown sick of feeling down when someone (usually those 'close' to me) don't notice something I do or say. What I ask myself these days is: "why should I care if they notice?" and "who am I doing this for?" The most common reason I've concluded why people don't notice something is because they simply don't care about it as much as we do. Kind of like our flashlight obsession: how many people do you know actually care about your flashlight hobby enough to ask you about it? You thought cutting off your facial hair was a big thing, 14 other people apparently didn't think so.
I was lucky enough to find ONE friend who's an exception to the observation I mentioned above. She will ask me about something I like BECAUSE I like it and not because she's actually interested in it. She'll ask because she knows I'll be excited to talk about it... What a gem.
(BTW, she's the girlfriend of the guy I mentioned above.)Don't do things for people, do it for yourself. If that doesn't work, expect them not to notice and you shouldn't be as dissapointed if they don't. ( I have something else bright to say but can't seem to remember it at the moment... :doh: )
dalekcommander
Newly Enlightened
UncleFester said:
That's not as bad you might think. Women seem to regard me with the same curiosity they would show to a bad traffic accident.
From a distance it's all, "OOH look at that!"
As they get closer it's more like, "Uh-Oh."
When they get right next to me, "Oh no," and watch them run!
carrot
Flashaholic
I am invisible when nobody is looking.
chesterqw
Flashlight Enthusiast
rofl at carrot
ditto at AJ_Dual
ditto at AJ_Dual
eebowler
Flashlight Enthusiast
I don't think it's an exaggeration. Sorry Cobb, Craig.AJ_Dual said:
In a similar way, there's a blind girl at work who I don't want to treat her as if she can't do anything (which I believe is a regular complaint) so I've in effect, decided to do nothing for her unless she asks...(not like she needs my help anyhow.)
TITAN1833
Flashlight Enthusiast
Sometime back in 1998..a friend of mine woke up to find three bar stools in his boot..we had been to a county pub the night before..i did not see him put them in his boot..the pub in question did not even see him return the stools..i have not seen my freind since.
tvodrd
*Flashaholic* ,
I've had this beard and mustache since abt 1969, and everytime I get a major haircut/beard trim, It's a couple days before someone comments.
Larry
Larry
TorchBoy
Flashlight Enthusiast
If UncleFester is standing in a forest and there are no women around to see him is he still invisible?UncleFester said:
In my early 20s I went from a beard to a goatee and one of the retired guys at my church certainly noticed - "What is THAT?" Invisibility may have been better.
jnj1033
Newly Enlightened
Try loud Hawaiian shirts.
TorchBoy
Flashlight Enthusiast
I mean: If UncleFester is standing in a forest and there are no women around not to see him is he still invisible?TorchBoy said:
EssLight
Newly Enlightened
Hmm, when I started this thread, I did not expect it to keep going so long.
I do appreciate the amusing views on the subject.
I spent time with a bunch of friends tonight. One of them had just shaved his beard. I was going to say something to him, but *everyone* else commented first. He even got the nickname "Naked Face". So, by comparison, I am invisible. It is amusing why he shaved it: He was trimming it, slipped, ooops, decided he couldn't fix it by trimming, so he shaved the whole thing off.
I do appreciate the amusing views on the subject.
I spent time with a bunch of friends tonight. One of them had just shaved his beard. I was going to say something to him, but *everyone* else commented first. He even got the nickname "Naked Face". So, by comparison, I am invisible. It is amusing why he shaved it: He was trimming it, slipped, ooops, decided he couldn't fix it by trimming, so he shaved the whole thing off.
EssLight
Newly Enlightened
I see my Dad on a regular basis. Today, out of the blue, he asks, "How long ago did you shave off your beard?". I replied "Three to four weeks ago". What I thought, but didn't say, was "WHAT TOOK YOU SO ****ING LONG TO NOTICE???"
I thought I had gotten past the issue, but not anymore.
I thought I had gotten past the issue, but not anymore.
