A Big Idea

[lampeDépêche]

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Make way for genius. I have an idea that is going to revolutionize the world of portable lighting, and I am willing to share it with you. For a small licensing fee, you can get in on the ground floor of this new era.
Okay:
You know how some flashlights have emitters for non-visible spectra? Like IR emitters, or UV emitters?
How about a flashlight with a microwave emitter?
Brilliant, right?
I mean -- anybody can pull out their flashlight in the Ponderosa Steak House to see if their T-bone is well done or not. But what if you could check the sear, and then cook it just that much more, with your flashlight?
Awesome, right?
Or, say you're on a hike, and you want to stop for a coffee-break. While those around you are fiddling with their stoves or campfires, you just pull out your flashlight, set it to microwave, and boil that water in a flash!
Now, I know what you're saying -- this could be hazardous if the light came on in your pocket. You could permanently braise your gonads. But I've got the answer for that: tin-foil underpants. That's right! Your privates will be perfectly shielded from the radiation by a pliable layer of metal. Reynold's Wrap -- it's not just for headgear anymore.
I can't believe I'm giving away this sure-fire, can't-lose invention. But I'm public-spirited that way. I want to make the world a better place. I believe in the future, and I believe in innovation. I also believe in royalties, and if you're willing to bring this to market, then I'm willing to negotiate with you for a very reasonable cut of your revenues.
After we have saturated the market with flashlight/microwave combos, we should consider taking the next big step: flashlights with x-ray beams. Why wait to get to the hospital in order to see if that's a sprain or a fracture? And why stop at aluminum foil when you can upgrade to Y-fronts made of lead?
I'm telling you, I've got so many big ideas I can hardly believe them myself. Microwave flashlights! You heard it here first!

 

[AMD64Brunette]

It's not April 1st yet?

I'm confused.

 

[russprechtl]

But I've got the answer for that: tin-foil underpants. That's right! Your privates will be perfectly shielded from the radiation by a pliable layer of metal.

I've got the raw material. Perhaps we can join forces and make some.

 

[Kestrel]

Now you're going to make me wear my tinfoil hat full-time.

 

[AMD64Brunette]

I'll have to skip the tinfoil hat today. Too wet outside.

 

[Chauncey Gardener]

Great idea! Here ya go -

 

[lampeDépêche]

As always, true visionaries are met with mockery. Small-minded mediocrities cannot grasp the brilliance, the magnificence, the earth-shaking significance, of a genuinely new idea.
Okay, losers. Just wait until microwave flashlights are selling like hotcakes, and the rest of you are marooned in your tiny sliver of the Electromagnetic Spectrum, looking with envy at people like me who are far out on the Spectrum.

 

[Monocrom]

I'll buy 53 dozen of those!

 

[lampeDépêche]

I'll buy 53 dozen of those!

Your order coming right up!
Just sign this form here and put down a deposit of (53…carry the two…plus 14%…) only 150 thousand dollars!
Do you see the sales potential here? It’s immense.

 

[dc38]

Your order coming right up!
Just sign this form here and put down a deposit of (53…carry the two…plus 14%…) only 150 thousand dollars!
Do you see the sales potential here? It’s immense.

I hate to burst your bubble, but we already have that tech...in our cell phones :X

**also, the military has had "active denial" systems for a while now, between IR and Microwave (and sonics), they essentially slow roast a target and make the target rethink their agression.

 

[pnwoutdoors]

Make way for genius ... How about a flashlight with a microwave emitter? Brilliant, right? ... Now, I know what you're saying -- this could be hazardous if the light came on in your pocket. You could permanently braise your ...

Sounds like the perfect stocking stuffer. Just in time for Christmas? Little Johnnie's gonna be thrilled. And his little sister's gonna be runnin' for cover. Singed onesie and all.

Of course, Little Johnnie's gotta sleep eventually ...

Better make a million of 'em. They're gonna sell like "hotcakes".

 

[Monocrom]

Your order coming right up!
Just sign this form here and put down a deposit of (53…carry the two…plus 14%…) only 150 thousand dollars!
Do you see the sales potential here? It’s immense.

Sounds great! I'll sign it.... "Chauncy Gardner."

There you go! Please put a rush on that order.

 

[lampeDépêche]

I hate to burst your bubble, but we already have that tech...in our cell phones :X

This is so wrong. It’s just wrongly wrong.
Does your cell phone have a defrost setting? Does your cell phone have a setting for popcorn? I think not! And that’s because it is not a microwave, obviously.
Now, this flashlight: it’s going to have an entire cooking suite programmable via Anduril. Baking potatoes, cooking lasagna, reheating pizza — it’s all just a few clicks and long-presses away, where by “a few” I mean no more than 73. Unless you want to customize the cooking, in which case no more than 117. You’ll be able to adjust the wattage of your microwave just by ramping up and down!
It’s so far beyond a cell phone, it’s going to make cell phones sick with envy.

 

[Monocrom]

The U.I. is Anduril? Oh noes!

 

[PhotonWrangler]

Sounds like the perfect stocking stuffer. Just in time for Christmas? Little Johnnie's gonna be thrilled. And his little sister's gonna be runnin' for cover. Singed onesie and all.

Of course, Little Johnnie's gotta sleep eventually ...

Better make a million of 'em. They're gonna sell like "hotcakes".