PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
Lol! I didn't see that one coming.
there are some Jokes
- Thread starter qcgoods2006
- Start date
Lol! I didn't see that one coming.
I agree. The dog part caught me by surprise.
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
Dove chocolate tastes much better than their soap
A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out with a caterer, a band and even a clown. Just before the party starts, two guys show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for them, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some firewood. Gratefully they head to the rear of the house.
Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown suddenly calls to report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself.
She happens to look out the window and sees one of the guys doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She calls the other guy over and says what your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50.
Well I dunno. Let me ask him. He turns around and yells at his friend. Hey Willie. For $50 would you chop off another toe?
Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown suddenly calls to report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself.
She happens to look out the window and sees one of the guys doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She calls the other guy over and says what your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50.
Well I dunno. Let me ask him. He turns around and yells at his friend. Hey Willie. For $50 would you chop off another toe?
A woman decides to buy a parrot as a surprise Birthday gift for her husband. She's very religious and very strict that no alcohol is consumed in her house, by anyone. There's not even a bottle of cough syrup in her house. She's happy that her husband feels the same way. Owner of the pet shop tells her the parrot used to belong to a very sketchy woman who ran a very seedy Bar that was recently busted and shutdown for illegal gambling. The woman decides to buy the parrot, anyway.
At home she removes the cover from its cage. Parrot looks at her and says, "Awck! New Madam."
Well, that won't do. But she's sure she can re-train the parrot later on.
Her son, and daughter who are visiting from two different colleges arrive at the house. Parrot looks at both of them and says, "Awck! new patron and new bar-fly."
Again, the woman is not very happy. But is certain she can re-train the bird; properly.
Husband comes home, and she surprises him with his gift. Parrot looks at her husband and says, "Hello Steve! You want your daily usual?"
At home she removes the cover from its cage. Parrot looks at her and says, "Awck! New Madam."
Well, that won't do. But she's sure she can re-train the parrot later on.
Her son, and daughter who are visiting from two different colleges arrive at the house. Parrot looks at both of them and says, "Awck! new patron and new bar-fly."
Again, the woman is not very happy. But is certain she can re-train the bird; properly.
Husband comes home, and she surprises him with his gift. Parrot looks at her husband and says, "Hello Steve! You want your daily usual?"
Boo.... :crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup:
Attention: All of your accounts through Google have been banned.
Oh! What the heck?!?!?!?!
Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.
You know, I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?
The driver said no problem. Have at it.
Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo then got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. I know we are supposed to enforce the law... but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.
The supervisor asked Is it the governor?
The young trooper said No, he's more important than that.
The supervisor said Oh, so it's the president.
The young trooper said No he's even more Important than that.
After a moment the supervisor finally asked, Well then, who is it?
The young trooper said, I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur.
You know, I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?
The driver said no problem. Have at it.
Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo then got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. I know we are supposed to enforce the law... but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.
The supervisor asked Is it the governor?
The young trooper said No, he's more important than that.
The supervisor said Oh, so it's the president.
The young trooper said No he's even more Important than that.
After a moment the supervisor finally asked, Well then, who is it?
The young trooper said, I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur.
LOL ! No, you can't give Jesus a ticket. He'll part the traffic so no accidents occur.
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
A garbage truck.
What has 4 wheels and flies, and is really warm during the Winter?.... The garbage truck that Crazy Craig set on fire across the street. :D
Am I a bad person for finding this funny? :crackup:
Mind you, she didn't write that she choked, no, only that she almost choked. :laughing:
Mind you, she didn't write that she choked, no, only that she almost choked. :laughing:
Yes, yes you are.
The man in the red suit would like a word with you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I meant the other man in the red suit. :devil:
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
The wavelengths of the visible spectrum are measured in nanometers. Except for the color yellow, which is measured in bananometers.
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A priest was heading to church when he saw there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. Not knowing who else to call, he promptly called the local police station, who said Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you? Hi, this is Father O’Malley. There’s a donkey lying dead right in the middle of my front lawn. Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites. There was dead silence on the line for a long moment before Father O’Malley replied Ah, that is true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.
At a funeral, the pastor said "now would anybody like to stand up and say a few words about this dearly departed?" There was silence. A minute goes by, then another and the pastor said "anybody?" then a voice from the rear said "yeah, his brother was worse".
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