Man charged with felony assault for shining flashlight at officer

[IMA SOL MAN]

It does seem a matter of common courtesy. It makes no sense to intentionally provoke a police officer, and as they see the dredges of humanity on a regular basis, they are likely much more vulnerable to being unappreciated and outright abused. They may have just dealt with a shooting or spouse abuse, and overreacted in this case. Having worked as an Emergency Room Physician, I strongly support all of our first responders. If there are clearly bad apples, that will get exposed and dealt with.

Hey great to have a doc onboard, Doc!

In your opinion, other than in the event of a major traumatic event like an OIS, how often do you think LEOs should be professionally screened for stress/mental illness?

 

[jtr1962]

this is the NH I used to work for.

Prospect Park Residence Brooklyn NY 11215 | AssistedLiving.com | AssistedLiving.com

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General Pricing Information for Brooklyn Assisted Living

Room Type	Minimum Cost	Average Cost	Maximum Cost
1 Bedroom	$3,800	$5,270	$6,700
Semi-Private	$1,800	$2,855	$3,900
Studio	$2,500	$3,670	$4,900

That's assisted living, which is generally WAY less expensive than a nursing home. Assisted living means residents are somewhat functional. My mom literally can't do anything for herself. I have to bathe her, put her on the toilet, change her clothing. I've been feeding her since she got back from the hospital in May, although she might be able to feed herself again. She would need to be in a regular nursing home.

BTW, I don't know if it's true, but I read if you have to put a loved one in a nursing home, pick a non-profit one. The staffing levels are generally higher. The for-profit ones usually cut staff to the bone so the director and shareholders make more $$$$.

 

[LuxLuthor]

Hey great to have a doc onboard, Doc!

In your opinion, other than in the event of a major traumatic event like an OIS, how often do you think LEOs should be professionally screened for stress/mental illness?

Great question. Short answer: Not often enough, nor is there a culture of supportive counseling given the enormous and brutal stress and threats to their survival they endure, or have to anticipate with every interaction. There is generally a culture of macho/tough guy that both gets them through the stress (similar to battlefield soldiers), but prevents them from seeing the lack of humanity/sensitivity.

 

[alpg88]

That's assisted living, which is generally WAY less expensive than a nursing home. Assisted living means residents are somewhat functional. My mom literally can't do anything for herself. I have to bathe her, put her on the toilet, change her clothing. I've been feeding her since she got back from the hospital in May, although she might be able to feed herself again. She would need to be in a regular nursing home.

BTW, I don't know if it's true, but I read if you have to put a loved one in a nursing home, pick a non-profit one. The staffing levels are generally higher. The for-profit ones usually cut staff to the bone so the director and shareholders make more $$$$.

You got a point there, except for 1 floor, those folks seem to be very mobile and active, some would put modern teens to shame.

 

[JustAnOldFashionedLEDGuy]

No "stepping up of game" will change that women will marry up (or across) socio-economic classes at a significantly higher percentile than males, those Professional Womem you reference are most likely looking for a Mr. Right who could well be in the top 10-15% of income groups.

This is called hypergamy.

NEWS FLASH -- There are now more educated women than there are educated men. Do you think they all want to be alone? We should rename this place ExcuseForums. Facebook groups, Meetup -- GET A LIFE. No seriously. Get a life. Guys with a life outside solitary hobbies are more attractive to women. What they are looking for is someone who won't be a burden, and tell me men are much different?

 

[JustAnOldFashionedLEDGuy]

Have you visited a nursing home?
Philosphically jtr and I are polar opposites in many respects, but I have mad respect for the guy for taking care of his sick mom. In the end he will have so much inner peace for making the huge sacrifice. It's likely one of the hardest things a person can do yet in the end it was worth it.

I moved back in with my pop at 40. My brothers had taken their turn for a while but eventually he needed round the clock help. I was single and it was my turn. Not trying to make this about me. Just saying the experience in the end made me a better person. When he passed I felt guilty for feeling relieved. But I knew he was better off and had not been stuck in some nursing home. Those places remove what little joy in life remains for those who clothed and fed us when we were unable. The least I could do was make sure his last days on earth were lived in the space he had worked his @$$ off to pay for. And that is what jtr is doing. I tip my hat to the guy.

I have actually. We cared for my mom in much of her palliative days, but the last few years were in a home because we could simply not provide the care she needed 24/7. The other thing we couldn't do is provide the stimulation needed which perhaps was even more important. My mom didn't have a lot of wealth, but she had enough to cover the cost of a very nice nursing home for the last years of her life. She couldn't take it with her. jtr's mom seems to have enough assets to pay for a very nice home for he remaining years. Here is the thing too, we could visit as much as we wanted and our visits were often higher quality because that is what we did. We visited. We didn't work.

Sorry things are not adding up for me. jtr talks about his mom having enough money to leave enough for his siblings to retire, if he gets the house, he can retire, his brother has some classic cars ..... but they can't afford more care to take the burden off him??? No, there is plenty of money, the choice has just been made not to spend it.

 

[jtr1962]

What they are looking for is someone who won't be a burden, and tell me men are much different?

If that's really true, then when I'm no longer taking care of my mother I should be a good catch. No job but financially independent. Retired, so plenty of time to do whatever they want. Will own a home in NYC free and clear. No expectation from me of getting money from them, although I'll insist we split the cost of any outings 50/50. I'm also in reasonably good shape. I'm 60 but still look like 30s. I'm not bringing any baggage to the table like prior marriages, or children from a prior marriage. Plenty of other interests, not just lights. I'm more than willing to share and learn their interests, and hope they'll do likewise with mine. Could think of lots of fun projects to do together. I'm even low maintenance it that I'd rather whoever I'm with doesn't wear fancy clothes or waste tons of time putting makeup on. My opinion on makeup is if you're attractive you don't need it. If you're not, it really won't help much.

Downsides? I'm not super rich. I don't have a fancy car, or really any car, nor a driver's license. I have no intention/desire to ever get either. If they want to travel by car, instead of bike/walking/transit, let them pay for the car and drive it themselves.

My guess though is virtually nobody will be interested except the complete losers I would have zero interest in. It's the females who seem to have every excuse under the sun to not be with a guy unless they're gorgeous, super rich, have an interesting career, a fancy car, etc.

 

[JustAnOldFashionedLEDGuy]

My guess though is virtually nobody will be interested except the complete losers I would have zero interest in. It's the females who seem to have every excuse under the sun to not be with a guy unless they're gorgeous, super rich, have an interesting career, a fancy car, etc.

If all you say is true, then your guess is very wrong. Your issue is your attitude.

 

[jtr1962]

Sorry things are not adding up for me. jtr talks about his mom having enough money to leave enough for his siblings to retire, if he gets the house, he can retire, his brother has some classic cars ..... but they can't afford more care to take the burden off him??? No, there is plenty of money, the choice has just been made not to spend it.

First off, what do my brother's classic cars have to do with anything? He bought them decades ago. They're in various states of repair, and not worth much until he fixes them up. Besides that, you think any of us should use our own money to pay for my mom's care? My brother and sister make ~$60K. They live paycheck to paycheck. I'm annoyed neither of my siblings could take my mother off my hands for a few weeks a year, which is really all I need to avoid burnout, but I understand why. They both work. Logistically in their homes it just wouldn't be possible. My sister had a knee operation about 5 years ago. She couldn't physically do the lifting involved with my mother anyway.

My mother's other assets besides the house are not enough for even one year in a care place. And if that money is spent, I lose my ability to offer my siblings something in exchange for letting me keep the house.

As for the house, are you suggesting I use its value to pay for a home? What happens then when my mom goes? After the burden of caring for her all these years, I have to move, assuming I can even find a place I can afford? Then what do I live on because most or all of my money would be needed to buy a new place? I want to know when all this is over, I'll be able to stay where I am as long as I want, won't have any money problems, and 24 out of every 24 hours will be mine. It's not much to ask after over 10 years of putting my life on hold. I don't want to go from caring for my mother to another set of problems just as bad, which might even include being homeless in my 60s.

What exactly do I get in exchange for putting my mom in a home? I'll still have to visit her almost every day to make sure she's being cared for properly. That could eat up as much time as I'm spending now currently caring for her. She'll almost certainly get inferior care. She was in one of those places in late 2017/early 2018 for 10 weeks after being discharged from the hospital. They couldn't even be bothered putting her on the toilet twice a day so she could at least poop. I even told them she'll almost never have a #2 accident if she's put on the toilet at least twice a day. But it was easier for them to keep her in diapers and let her sh*t herself. This in a place that charged $515 a day once Medicare stopped covering it. That's a whole other story by the way. They had to cover the first 100 days of rehab by law but stopped paying after only 20 days.

My mom doesn't need to be in a home. There's no part of her care that I can't handle. Is it a burden? Sure. But putting her in a home would create a series of problems which in my opinion would be far worse than any positives. Besides that, I'd say most likely we're near the beginning of the end anyway. I'm dubious my mother has more than a few years left even best case. I'd rather finish what I started. It's not like I'll still be doing this when I'm 80.

We should rename this place ExcuseForums.

Generally when people make up excuses it's mostly because they're being pressured to do something someone else wants them to do which really isn't what they want.

Case in point-you mentioned me making up excuses for not going to graduate school. Truth is as much as I might have enjoyed working in research, once I learned most or all such jobs would have involved leaving NYC I lost the desire. If that hadn't been the case, I might well have found a way to go to graduate school.

On the subject of hooking up, it simply seems from my perspective that many of those you say are making excuses are simply not willing to settle. Remember nobody has to hook up. I had a former friend give me and my brother a hard time about never being married. His excuse was if even he managed to get married, why didn't me and my brother? I told him first of all that assumes I even would have wanted to be married. It further assumes I'd meet someone I'd want to marry. He himself even admitted he never loved his ex-wife. So he settled. When people don't wish to settle, they're not making excuses. That applies to lots of things, not just relationships. The problem is people are often defensive when criticized about their life choices. Instead of just honestly saying they just don't want to do something someone else thinks they should do, they instead make up excuses for not doing it. I did this myself all the time when this guy criticized me. In the end I stopped bothering with him because, ironically, being friends with him was yet another form of settling. Better to be alone than have friends like that who can't accept your life choices as valid.

 

[alpg88]

Hopefully your siblings will not sue you for the house, without a will explicitly saying the house is yours, your bros and sis. may want to sell it and split the money, they hire lawyers, go to court...... I've seen it happen more than once. It is like the second that house loses the owner, they change, they turn into people they never been before. they start slitting each other throats. a concept of family means absolutely nothing for them over few hundred G's.

 

[jtr1962]

Hopefully your siblings will not sue you for the house, without a will explicitly saying the house is yours, your bros and sis. may want to sell it and split the money, they hire lawyers, go to court...... I've seen it happen more than once. It is like the second that house loses the owner, they change, they turn into people they never been before. they start slitting each other throats. a concept of family means absolutely nothing for them over few hundred G's.

There is a will but unfortunately it splits everything three ways. In retrospect when my mother was making out the will I should have suggested that any of us who care for her should get a larger portion based on how many years we gave her such care.

In theory my siblings could sue me but my way around that is doing a Medicaid transfer of the house to myself while my mom is still alive. It also protects her most valuable asset from potential Medicaid recovery. I have POA, so that's not an issue. The will only stipulates that any remaining assets must be split three ways. If the house is already in my name before she goes, I'm in the clear.

 

[ampdude]

No it is not. That is a straight out lie. If you believe that is the case, that is more a reflection of you than of online dating. Different sites have different user profiles. If you are too cheap to pay for a better site, then you get what you paid for. This is more excuse making. Really, what percentage of women on online dating sites have an ex that is in prison? Get real. Dating sites, especially Match, are a cross-section of people in society. There are many attractive professional women on those sites. Women like that are more than happy to engage with decent, well spoken men who take care of themselves. If you are not attracting the women you are interested in, then you need to step up your game. Just listen to yourself. For someone with no experience, you seem to make yourself out to be an expert. How about not giving advice on something you know nothing about, to other people who are struggling with a topic?

Women in my age range. Of which there are NONE. If you're talking about women 20 years younger than me, than yes. But all of my friends and others have had the same experience. It's almost a cliche. So many women between the age of 18-26 all say they have "trauma" in their lives. The women I'm talking to right now are all under 26, and I'm not doing it online. Some much younger. And they don't have kids, as I don't. I can't currently buy them a Porsche SUV, but I can talk to them and judge them for myself as they judge me. You said I had no experience? That is kind of an odd comment. My comments come from 30 years of experience with women. When you and all of your friends recognize the same things over and over again and see the same thing over an over again, a person would have to be in denile that it's not a real thing. I don't online date, but a facebook app came up the other night on my phone and I logged in and I started looking through dating profiles. The pattern is still there. And the comments are predictable.

Here's my requirements..
1. NO KIDS
2. LESS THAN 6 BODY COUNT
3. NO DRUGGIES
4. DON'T DYE YOUR HAIR AN UNNATURAL COLOR.
5. LESS THAN 85,000 TATTOOS, AND DEFINITELY NONE OF YOUR EX'S.
6. WEIGH AT LEAST 50LBS LESS THAN ME AND I'M 200.
7. DON'T BE 8 FOOT TALL, BECAUSE I'M ONLY 6.
8. DON'T EXPECT ME TO BUY YOU THINGS.
9. NO NOSE RINGS.
10. DON'T MAKE YOUR MAIN CONCERN BE ABOUT WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING.

Okay #4 and #9 are negotiable.

 

[bykfixer]

When my pop passed his kids did not ask for much. My sister called me one day and apologized for being mad at me and my brothers for not wanting much of "the loot". She said when her next door neighbor passed his kids were fighting over flower pots, (stainless) silverware and a toaster. They were sueing each other and all that. And she realized at that point she shouldn't be mad at us.

I said "don't be mad, just help me have a yard sale and we'll split the loot that way". Thing is, our ancestors had done all that in fighting, hating each other and all that jazz so we all vowed as kids not to do that.

One day the UPS truck dropped off a 4' long skateboard when I was 40. My dad said "when are you going to ever grow up?" I said "this coming from a man who gave himself a 4 wheel motorcycle for his 72nd birthday". He laughed and said "good point". He gave the motorcycle to my teenage nephew not long after that. In his last years he gave away a lot of his stuff. My mom (rip) had been gone a decade or more and he said most of the "stuff" had been intended for her to enjoy after he had died.

One Sunday morning he was taking his after breakfast nap and passed away in his sleep. I was relieved that he finally got to hang out with my mom again.

 

[ampdude]

The weird thing is the types I like would most likely find it pretentious. FWIW, I don't like women in fancy clothing, either. I hate heels and dresses. I like them in casual clothing, but not sloppy. Think maybe the way your typical college girl dresses.

Career women with that look are an obvious "RED FLAG". It's either their career that drives them, or their career in getting men that drives them.

 

[jtr1962]

Women in my age range. Of which there are NONE. If you're talking about women 20 years younger than me, than yes. But all of my friends and others have had the same experience. It's almost a cliche. So many women between the age of 18-26 all say they have "trauma" in their lives. The women I'm talking to right now are all under 26, and I'm not doing it online. Some much younger. And they don't have kids, as I don't. I can't currently buy them a Porsche SUV, but I can talk to them and judge them for myself as they judge me. You said I had no experience? That is kind of an odd comment. My comments come from 30 years of experience with women. When you and all of your friends recognize the same things over and over again and see the same thing over an over again, a person would have to be in denile that it's not a real thing. I don't online date, but a facebook app came up the other night on my phone and I logged in and I started looking through dating profiles. The pattern is still there. And the comments are predictable.

Here's my requirements..
1. NO KIDS
2. LESS THAN 6 BODY COUNT
3. NO DRUGGIES
4. DON'T DYE YOUR HAIR AN UNNATURAL COLOR.
5. LESS THAN 85,000 TATTOOS, AND DEFINITELY NONE OF YOUR EX'S.
6. WEIGH AT LEAST 50LBS LESS THAN ME AND I'M 200.
7. DON'T BE 8 FOOT TALL, BECAUSE I'M ONLY 6.
8. DON'T EXPECT ME TO BUY YOU THINGS.
9. NO NOSE RINGS.

Okay #4 and #9 is negotiable.

Mine would be similar:

1. No kids, doesn't want kids
2. No previous marriages
3. Absolutely no tattoos or piercings (I'll make an exception for earrings but that's it)
4. Don't care about hair color but since I like only Asians that usually means black
5. I generally prefer under 5' and on the thin side
6. Very attractive (by my standards, not necessarily society's)-I tend to like "cute" more than conventionally beautiful
7. Intelligent and educated
8. Is open to trying new things
9. Not materialistic, appreciates the simple joys of life

I'm not that particular about age, although #6 generally implies they'll be well under my age. #1 and #2 kind of lean in that direction also.

So I guess you're looking at mostly people a lot younger than yourself also? That's really the only game in town for people in our shoes.

 

[JustAnOldFashionedLEDGuy]

Women in my age range. Of which there are NONE. If you're talking about women 20 years younger than me, than yes. .... The women I'm talking to right now are all under 26, and I'm not doing it online. Some much younger. .... My comments come from 30 years of experience with women.

2. LESS THAN 6 BODY COUNT

So let me get this right? You are late mid-late 40's? .... chasing early 20's, because there are no women your age? ( I assuming 30 year of experience starting somewhere in teens). You really think women in their early 20's want a late 40's guy long term? That would make you a walking cliche. You will have almost nothing in common.

By 6 body count, do you mean how many men they have slept with? You don't need to know how many men a lady has slept with. Any quality woman is going to dump you just for asking.

 

[JustAnOldFashionedLEDGuy]

1. No kids, doesn't want kids

At your age? ... good luck.

2. No previous marriages

At your age? ... good luck.

3. Absolutely no tattoos or piercings (I'll make an exception for earrings but that's it)

The 1950's called, they want their morality back. Judgmental is not going to land you a lot of dates.

4. Don't care about hair color but since I like only Asians that usually means black

Unless you are also Asian, see above.

5. I generally prefer under 5' and on the thin side

Do you realize how few women are < 5 feet?

6. Very attractive (by my standards, not necessarily society's)-I tend to like "cute" more than conventionally beautiful --

6 generally implies they'll be well under my age

You do get the concept that dating is about mutual attraction right? Why would a much younger, thin, attractive woman, intelligent and educated want to date someone much older who is judgmental and seems set in their ways?

I get why you and ampdude have issues with online dating. Chasing women that are not so much out of your league, but for which frankly, you are not a good match ... FOR THEM.

 

[ampdude]

So let me get this right? You are late mid-late 40's? .... chasing early 20's, because there are no women your age? ( I assuming 30 year of experience starting somewhere in teens). You really think women in their early 20's want a late 40's guy long term? That would make you a walking cliche. You will have almost nothing in common.

By 6 body count, do you mean how many men they have slept with? You don't need to know how many men a lady has slept with. Any quality woman is going to dump you just for asking.

I knew that would push your button. So many guys, especially married HATE that you can do that.

A "lady" who's slept with more than 6 guys. Yea, I'll pass. Unless she's cheap. But can I get some of that weed mailed to me please.

 

[JustAnOldFashionedLEDGuy]

Career women with that look are an obvious "RED FLAG". It's either their career that drives them, or their career in getting men that drives them.

jtr1962 said:

The weird thing is the types I like would most likely find it pretentious. FWIW, I don't like women in fancy clothing, either. I hate heels and dresses. I like them in casual clothing, but not sloppy. Think maybe the way your typical college girl dresses.

Ampdude, you have some serious issues in regards to your views of women and it all screams lack of respect. jtr1962, you are following a little to close to ampdude for comfort.

Enjoy your solitude because I expect you will have a lot of it.

My partner is a heels and dress / business suit wearing lady most of the week and for our first 3 or 4 dates. She has kids, a tattoo and a piercing or two. I don't know her exact body count, and I really don't care, but I know it is far above 6. She has a few degrees as well, and while she won't put a worm on a hook, she loves to fish and hike. She also likes to golf, and has run marathons. She was the last of 7 or 8 women I dated over an extended period. 3 of those other woman are now some of my best adult friends. Even went to two of their weddings.

Neither of you sound like you want a proper relationship built on shared interests and compromises, you want a check box. Good luck with that. I am out.

 

[ampdude]

You do get the concept that dating is about mutual attraction right? Why would a much younger, thin, attractive woman, intelligent and educated want to date someone much older who is judgmental and seems set in their ways?

I get why you and ampdude have issues with online dating. Chasing women that are not so much out of your league, but for which frankly, you are not a good match ... FOR THEM.

Oh that was a funny joke. You almost had my rolling there.

And uh.. how many times do I have to mention I'm not interested in online dating for the previously mentioned reasons. I don't have to.