So...
I hope this is even appropriate for this forum, but I love CPF and the users so I just wanted to talk about it somewhere that isn't with people I know. I'm 28, super healthy, and today I found out there's probably a 95 percent chance I have some sort of lymphoma. I've kind of "known" for a while now even with several doctor appointments, but after a CT scan and now seeing specialists today about it it's becoming very real. Too real. So real that I keep sort of having these day dream moments where I pop back to reality and think: wait, is this actually happening? I broke down a few times sure, but today I'm already making my mind up to get through this even if it sucks...
I think the hardest part has been seeing other people's reactions around me who love me. I know it sounds weird, but you don't really realize people care about you sometimes until you see their reactions to something like this concerning you. Thankfully my girlfriend recently turned wife told several people in my family for me though I still haven't actually talked to my brother. And my mom won't know for another week because my dad and I didn't want to ruin a trip she's been planning on taking forever. I know it's going to devastate her even if I get through this (which I will.) She's just that kind of person and I love her for it.
I don't know how to put this in words, but "these things don't happen to me" and yet statistically it's very likely that it will happen to tons of us. Like the doctor told me today, sometimes this just happens... Yeah, I guess sometimes the biology that makes us possible just spazzes out. Of course I've been playing the mental blame game trying to think of what could have caused this, but it seems futile. Stuff like this just happens sometimes it seems.
I know overall I'm being a baby about this as I am SO lucky to have this happen to me in 2015 rather than say 1815 (or heck even 1915) when surely this would have meant I'd die no matter what. I know cancer isn't cured, but I'm so happy to know some of the modern tech and medicine is around that will be able to help me and other people who have things like this happen to them. Quick PSA: If you have anything abnormal on you (lumps) don't wait, I noticed something maybe a month ago or more in the lymph nodes on my neck, but I didn't get help right away until I was actually starting to worry a lot more. The doctor at first didn't even think it was anything, but obviously after an x-ray he knew something might be up and ordered a CT scan.
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This seems so trite these days and it's strange to actually have the urge to communicate something like this but live every day like you mean it. I know petty bs gets in the way and a lot of life problems can really weigh people down, but just try to enjoy moments that seem like the filler in between the things you really want to do. And then enjoy those things you ACTUALLY want to do even more. Like I said, I'm gonna get through this, but I just feel like being one of those inspirational messages on the internet today to not miss out on appreciating life. Do what makes you happy and be nice to those around you!
-Martin
I hope this is even appropriate for this forum, but I love CPF and the users so I just wanted to talk about it somewhere that isn't with people I know. I'm 28, super healthy, and today I found out there's probably a 95 percent chance I have some sort of lymphoma. I've kind of "known" for a while now even with several doctor appointments, but after a CT scan and now seeing specialists today about it it's becoming very real. Too real. So real that I keep sort of having these day dream moments where I pop back to reality and think: wait, is this actually happening? I broke down a few times sure, but today I'm already making my mind up to get through this even if it sucks...
I think the hardest part has been seeing other people's reactions around me who love me. I know it sounds weird, but you don't really realize people care about you sometimes until you see their reactions to something like this concerning you. Thankfully my girlfriend recently turned wife told several people in my family for me though I still haven't actually talked to my brother. And my mom won't know for another week because my dad and I didn't want to ruin a trip she's been planning on taking forever. I know it's going to devastate her even if I get through this (which I will.) She's just that kind of person and I love her for it.
I don't know how to put this in words, but "these things don't happen to me" and yet statistically it's very likely that it will happen to tons of us. Like the doctor told me today, sometimes this just happens... Yeah, I guess sometimes the biology that makes us possible just spazzes out. Of course I've been playing the mental blame game trying to think of what could have caused this, but it seems futile. Stuff like this just happens sometimes it seems.
I know overall I'm being a baby about this as I am SO lucky to have this happen to me in 2015 rather than say 1815 (or heck even 1915) when surely this would have meant I'd die no matter what. I know cancer isn't cured, but I'm so happy to know some of the modern tech and medicine is around that will be able to help me and other people who have things like this happen to them. Quick PSA: If you have anything abnormal on you (lumps) don't wait, I noticed something maybe a month ago or more in the lymph nodes on my neck, but I didn't get help right away until I was actually starting to worry a lot more. The doctor at first didn't even think it was anything, but obviously after an x-ray he knew something might be up and ordered a CT scan.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This seems so trite these days and it's strange to actually have the urge to communicate something like this but live every day like you mean it. I know petty bs gets in the way and a lot of life problems can really weigh people down, but just try to enjoy moments that seem like the filler in between the things you really want to do. And then enjoy those things you ACTUALLY want to do even more. Like I said, I'm gonna get through this, but I just feel like being one of those inspirational messages on the internet today to not miss out on appreciating life. Do what makes you happy and be nice to those around you!
-Martin
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