New Year's Fears
there are some Jokes
- Thread starter qcgoods2006
- Start date
+
another way to look at this one::rolleyes:
== One time my dad took me hiking. We saw a sign that said "bear right" so we left.
Man smashes index finger in car door and is in great pain. On the other hand, he's fine.
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
On the other hand, there's more fingers.
Katherine Alicia
Enlightened
if it`s zero degrees outside, and tomorrow it`ll be twice as cold, what will the temperature be?
Of course it ruins the joke, but it will be necessary to convert whichever scale you use to kelvin, calories, BTU or something quantifying. It's otherwise just a point on a scale.
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Max-chilly
Hooked on Fenix
Flashlight Enthusiast
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2007
- Messages
- 3,735
Cold enough. I went to take a iss outside, but left behind the frozen P.
A dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender - Do you have any jobs?
Why don’t you try the circus?
Why would the circus need a bartender?
Why don’t you try the circus?
Why would the circus need a bartender?
Dear Algebra,
PLEASE STOP ASKING US TO FIND YOUR x
SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK
AND DON'T ASK y
PLEASE STOP ASKING US TO FIND YOUR x
SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK
AND DON'T ASK y
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PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
Charles ****ens walked into a bar. "I'll have a martini," he said.
Bartender: Olive or twist?
Bartender: Olive or twist?
" I hate Victor Hugo ! " said Les Miserably.
I told my wife her underwear was far too tight and revealing; she told me to shut up and just wear my own.
Dave was bragging to his boss one day - You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.
Okay Dave, how about Tom Cruise?
No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. Dave and his boss fly to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door.
Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
No, no, just name anyone else.
The U.S. President.
Yup, old buddies. Let’s fly to Washington.
Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
The Pope.
Sure, I’ve known the Pope for years.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says - This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope. He disappears into the crowd, headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later, Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony. By the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
What happened?
It was the final straw. You and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said - Who is that on the balcony with Dave?
Okay Dave, how about Tom Cruise?
No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. Dave and his boss fly to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door.
Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
No, no, just name anyone else.
The U.S. President.
Yup, old buddies. Let’s fly to Washington.
Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
The Pope.
Sure, I’ve known the Pope for years.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says - This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope. He disappears into the crowd, headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later, Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony. By the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
What happened?
It was the final straw. You and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said - Who is that on the balcony with Dave?
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
4 out of 3 people have trouble with math.
raggie33
*the raggedier*
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2003
- Messages
- 15,720
1.3333333333333333333333333333333333333
Hooked on Fenix
Flashlight Enthusiast
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2007
- Messages
- 3,735
At a party, my brother asked me what the bottle of lemonade was for. I told him it was a suppository.
PhotonWrangler
Flashaholic
Why shouldn't you brush your teeth with your left hand?
Because a toothbrush works better
Because a toothbrush works better
Two bees met on the street one day. One said to the other - The weather has been cold wet and damp, and there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey.
No problem - said the first bee. Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.
Thanks for the tip.
A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked - How did it go?
Great. It was everything you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and such huge floral arrangements on everytable.
What's that thing on your head?
That's my yarmulke I didn't want them to think I was a wasp.
No problem - said the first bee. Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.
Thanks for the tip.
A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked - How did it go?
Great. It was everything you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and such huge floral arrangements on everytable.
What's that thing on your head?
That's my yarmulke I didn't want them to think I was a wasp.
