there are some Jokes

[PEU]

Let me add a more flashaholic comparison:

Artic Alumina Epoxy $7 x 5grams = $1400/kg or $635/lb

A little too much for an epoxy compound with Aluminum Oxide & Boron Nitride added


Pablo

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Jan. 24th

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins"
"That's funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Jan 25th

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him!"

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke 26th

A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."
When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply.

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke 27th


A man wanted to prove to a group of alcoholics the effect of alcohol in human body system. He brought two jars; one containing water and the other containing alcohol, along with a very healthy worm. He said to the audience:

"This jar contain water"

He dropped the worm in the jar and said, "Please watch the reaction". The worm swam to the side of the jar and up it floats dangling and swimming.

The man took the worm out of the first jar and put it in the second jar containing alcohol and said to the audience " now watch the reaction" The worm went right down into the water and struggled for survival. There and then every body saw the worm shrinking and dis-integrating, and in one word, died.

The man turned round an asked the audience " what would you all say to this".

After a long silence, someone from the rear stood up and said

" I can see that if I drink alcohol, there will be no more worn in my body".

 

[CandleLite]

A blond goes up to the counter in a library and says to the librarian "A big Mac, regular Coke and fries please"
The librarian replies "Don't you realize that you are in a library?"
The blond looks around, leans over and quietly whispers "A big Mac, regular Coke and fries please. :naughty:

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Jan. 28th

One Liners Jokes

a
Do you believe in love at first sight or do
I have to walk by you again?

b
Q. Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A. She can't find the eleven

c
Confusius say,"Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."

 

[analogguy]

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,"Corned beef and cabbage! If
I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump
off this building"

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,"Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna
sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and jumped to his death.


The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death
as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If
I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never
would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,


"Don't look at me. He made his own lunch."

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Jan 29th

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Jan 30th

A scratch golfer hits his ball three hundred yards straight down the fairway, and it hits a sprinkler and careens off into the woods. He finds the ball, but trees surround it. He s pissed, says what the hell, grabs his nine-iron, and hits the ball as hard as he can. It bounces off a tree back at the golfer's head and kills him.
He arrives in heaven, and God himself is at the Pearly Gates to greet him. Looking up his records, God sees that the guy golf's and says, "Are you any good?"
The golfer looks at God and says, "I got here in two, didn't I?"

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Jan 31st

A man and his wife are sitting at the kitchen table, which is next to the window. The man's name is Rudolph, and since he is Russian, people call him "Rudolph the Red." Rudolph looked out the window and said to his wife, "Oh look honey, it's raining outside." She looks out as well and says, "No, I think that is snow." He looks at her and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain dear."

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Feb. 1st

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere.
One of the three men says, "I have an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far enough for someone to hear us."

So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).
15 minutes later, the men in the balloon hear an echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're lost!!"
One of the men says, "That must be a Microsoft service tech!"
Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"
The man replies: "For three reasons:
(1) he took a long time to answer,
(2) he was absolutely correct, and
(3) his answer was absolutely useless."

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Feb. 3rd

A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?"
The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till Fri.
"The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke."
"Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95"
The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.
The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact amount?"
"Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared." Wow!" said the waitress. "What did you wish for?"
"I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket." "Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?" "Well," said the man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs."

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Feb. 4th

here were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Feb. 5th

I ain't got no crayons

Mrs. Smith, I ain't got no crayons.
Young man, you mean, I don't have any crayons.
You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons.
They don't have any crayons.
Do you see what I'm getting at?
I think so. What happened to all the crayons?

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Feb. 6th
I've never flown before

I've never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely, won't you?
"All I can say ma'am," said the pilot, "is that I've never left anyone up there yet!"

 

[goldenlight]

For once, an ETERNAL TRUTH...

Sometimes you will cry
and no one will see your tears...

Sometimes you will laugh
and no one will see you smile...

Sometimes you will fear
and no one will see you shudder...

Sometimes you will fall
and no one sees you struggle...

Sometimes you will lie
and no one will catch you up...

Sometimes you will be late
and no one seems to notice...

But fart just one time....

 

[PhotonWrangler]

Windows 386: Going boldly where Desqview has been for years.

 

[benchmade_boy]

why did the turtle cross the road? to get to the shell station on the other side.:laughing:

 

[qcgoods2006]

Joke Feb. 7th

A joke about College

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"