there are some Jokes

[Burgess]

Did you hear about the Cross-Eyed Teacher ?



She Lost her Job !



She couldn't control her pupils.



< cue the Rimshot . . . . >

 

[PhotonWrangler]

How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One...or two? One... or two?

 

[Burgess]

My grandfather has the heart of a lion.


And also a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

 

[Burgess]

I hate those Russian dolls.




They're so full of themselves.

 

[StarHalo]

 

[Burgess]

Today I got a universal remote control.



I said to myself: " This changes everything ".

 

[Burgess]

My wife told me
to stop impersonating a flamingo.



I had to put my foot down.

 

[Crazyeddiethefirst]

Why do you call a cow with only two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Why bother to call him, he can't come anyway?
Sorry, my wife fed me eggs for breakfast & I'm full if yokes....


Sent from my iPod touch using Candlepowerforums

 

[PhotonWrangler]

Did you hear about the mathimetician who was afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

 

[StarHalo]

 

[Poppy]

SH,
That's funny. I had to look at it twice before I "got it" !

 

[dc38]

Let's put a smile on that face

 

[PhotonWrangler]

A programmer's wife says: "go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." He returns with 12 loaves of bread.

A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."
He never returned.

 

[Hooked on Fenix]

My grandfather has the heart of a lion.


And also a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

Most people fear Chuck Norris, but I heard he has the heart of a child.
He keeps it in a box on his desk.

 

[Monocrom]

That was awful..... LOL !

 

[PhotonWrangler]

How many NASCAR fans does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?

One. But only if the thread turns to the left

 

[Burgess]

You know you're a bad driver
when the Garmin lady says:


" In 500 feet, stop and let me out ! "

 

[Monocrom]

You know you're a bad driver
when the Garmin lady says:


" In 500 feet, stop and let me out ! "

Okay........... That was one of the best jokes I've heard in a long time. :lolsign: :thanks:

 

[PhotonWrangler]

You know you're a bad driver
when the Garmin lady says:


" In 500 feet, stop and let me out ! "

Lol! Good one Burgess.

 

[etc]

Just saw this one,
but in a slightly different context --


My greatest fear is when I die,

my wife will sell all my Flashlights

for what I told her they cost !



_

LOL